Have You Ever Seen the Rain?
by SkyEvangeline
Summary: If you ask someone who’s never lived in Seattle to tell you something about the city, chances are, they’ll mention one of three things: the coffee, the Space Needle, or the rain. Sequel to The Truth About Love.
1. Chapter 1: Real Life Fairytale

_Hey, everyone! I'm back. For those of you who haven't read my other story, The Truth About Love, this is the sequel and this story might not make much sense without reading the other one first. :D Enjoy!_

**Have You Ever Seen the Rain?**

_**Chapter One: Real Life Fairytale**_

_You are my light, you are my star  
__You are my sunshine and my dark  
You are the everything I dreamed about  
You are the guy who stole my heart  
I am the girl you're always smiling for  
We have a love people dream about  
A real life fairytale_

Plumb

…

_If you ask someone who's never lived in Seattle to tell you something about the city, chances are, they'll mention one of three things: the coffee, the Space Needle, or the rain. Seattle is, after all, infamous for rain. So, what is it with our fascination with rain? Even as children, nothing is quite as exciting as splashing through puddles while a gentle shower falls; and every little girl who's seen _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ dreams about someday having her own romantic kiss in the rain. Throughout history, the rain has been symbolic of healing and cleansing and starting new. But what happens when a simple spring shower becomes a life-changing storm? What do you do when something that's supposed to be healing ends up causing the most damage? Because once it starts, there's no way to stop the rain from falling._

…

A gentle cry over the baby monitor woke Derek Shepherd early one morning. Next to him, his wife Meredith was still fast asleep, and he kissed her lips softly before rising to tend to their newborn daughter.

However, when he crossed the hall, he realized that baby Aida was already being well taken care of. And what he saw brought a smile to his face and warmed his heart.

Six-year-old Elena, his other daughter and the light of his life since the very beginning of hers, was leaning over her sister's crib and whispering words of comfort and reassurance. "Hey, Princess," he whispered, and Elena looked up at him and smiled.

"Hi, Daddy. Aida's awake; I think she's probably hungry."

He nodded and lifted the infant up out of her crib. "How's my beautiful Aida Grace? Are you hungry, Sweetheart? You know what, Elle; I think you're right. I'll take care of her, and you should try to go back to sleep. It's still pretty early."

But Elena shook her head, sending her dark curls bouncing. "I'm not sleepy. I'm still used to New York time. Can I sit with you while you feed Aida?"

For the past week, Elena had been living with them while Addison—Elena's mother and Derek's ex-wife—took care of once again transferring their lives from New York to Seattle. And for the past week, he had been relishing having all three of his children—Elena, Aida, and his four-year-old son Hayden—under one roof. "Of course you can," he permitted, and Elena slipped her tiny hand into his as they started downstairs.

"Daddy, do you have to go to the hospital today?" she wondered as she sat at the kitchen table watching him prepare her sister's bottle.

Derek nodded. "I have a lumbar laminectomy at ten, then I have to check on a few patients. Hayden'll be at preschool until this afternoon, so it'll just be you, Meredith, and the baby. I can count on you to look after them while I'm gone, right?"

"Yes, Daddy," Elena nodded, but Derek noticed that she looked a little bit sad.

If it had been up to him, he would have opted to spend every moment of every day with his family. However, as a surgeon he had an obligation to his patients and to the hospital. Derek knew that as the daughter of two surgeons, Elena understood that obligation particularly well. "I'll be back before dinner."

"It's okay, Daddy," she assured him with a well-rehearsed smile.

"Did you know that your mom's coming back tonight?" he offered and watched Elena's face light up at the news.

"She is? Seriously? When did she tell you that?"

Derek himself found it odd that in the middle of the night after he'd gotten Aida back to sleep, he'd picked up the phone and called his ex-wife. She had sounded just as surprised to hear him, but some had been more than happy to talk despite the late hour. "I talked to her last night; the house sold faster than she'd expected, and her contract with Manhattan General has been settled."

"Settled?"

"It just means that she's made arrangements to move her primary practice back to Seattle but will still fly out to New York depending on the case," Derek explained, and Elena nodded.

"Well, look who's awake," Meredith smiled, holding a still half-asleep Hayden in her arms. "I guess it's gonna be an early day."

"Good morning," Derek greeted his wife with a kiss on the cheek.

As though watching a scene from a movie, Elena remained sitting quietly at the kitchen table. Every memory of Seattle—of her father and stepmother—had always been so happy; she was pretty sure that when the authors of the fairytales wrote about "happily ever after," this is what they meant.

"Hey, Sweetie, you're up early, too. Were you helping your dad with the baby?" Meredith smiled at her stepdaughter, although she loved the little girl as her own.

Elena found it somewhat amusing that technically, Meredith had actually known her even longer than her own mother—if only by a matter of moments. But then again, if you counted the surgery that she'd had when she was still inside her mother's stomach, that would mean that Addison was the first to meet her. Either way, she was amused. The little girl loved to hear the exciting story of her birth as told by the then-interns who had delivered her. She also loved to hear anything about her birthmother, Leni, who had passed away when she was only a baby. "I wanted to keep Daddy company."

Meredith placed Hayden in a chair beside his sister and lovingly put her hand to the little girl's cheek. "You hungry, Elle? I think that if we both give your dad the puppy face that we can get him to make pancakes before he leaves," she whispered just loud enough for her husband to hear.

"You know, I have a feeling that someone around here wants pancakes," Derek remarked humorously, and Hayden's hand shot up.

"I do, Daddy!" the little boy announced, now fully awake at the mention of breakfast.

"All right, pal," Derek laughed and exchanged a playful glance with his wife. "So, that's pancakes for four, then? Any other requests for Iron Chef Shepherd?"

Elena grinned and added, "While you're at it, we could probably use some eggs and bacon, too."

"Yeah! Cook bacon and eggs, too," Hayden nodded, grinning widely.

Meredith rose to get Aida while Derek prepared their breakfast feast. "Hayden, could you please get the milk out of the refrigerator? Thank you, Sweetheart. And Elle, would you please get your sister's blanket for me? It's the pink one with the lambs on the chair in your room."

"Okay," Elena obliged, eager to do as her father had asked and help with the baby. After all, if she was going to become a neonatal surgeon like her mother, she knew that it was probably important to learn how to take care of babies when they were healthy so that she could heal them when they were sick.

The room that Elena currently shared with her baby sister was her favorite in the entire house. Upon finding out that the newest addition to their family would be a little girl, Elena had insisted that the room that had once belonged to her should become her little sister's as well. A brother and a sister had been a dream come true for Elena, who had realized very early in her life just how important family was.

She could have easily spent hours in the room, thinking and reminiscing, but she instead grabbed her sister's blanket from the chair and hurried back downstairs where Meredith was waiting. "Here you go, Mer. Breakfast smells good, Daddy."

Derek smiled and scooped his daughter in to his arms, and Elena burst into laughter. He often wondered if it was possible for a person to have two soul mates; if so, he knew that Meredith and Elena were his. "So, are my beautiful girls and my little champ ready for this _fantastic_ meal?"

They all confirmed enthusiastically that they were, and Derek sent Elena to sit at the table before serving them all and finally taking a seat himself.

"Doesn't Aida want any?" Hayden questioned suddenly, noticing that she was the only one without a plate.

Meredith leaned over and kissed her son atop his golden hair and smiled before explaining, "Remember that talk we had about how babies are different from big kids like you and Elle?"

He pondered her words for a moment, then said, "Oh, yeah. Aida doesn't have teeth yet."

"That's right," Derek grinned.

"'Kay, I'm all full now," Hayden announced a moment later. "I ate all my pancake. See? And two bacons and a bite of egg. I wanna go get dressed for school now."

"All right. I'll go with you in just a minute," his mother said, but Elena cheerfully volunteered. "Thank you, Elle. You're such a good helper," Meredith praised. "Make sure you two pick out something warm. It's starting to get a little chilly out."

"Okay, Meredith," Elena called back, holding Hayden's hand as they hurried upstairs. "What color sweater do you wanna wear today?" she asked as she laid out a pair of jeans and proceeded to find the missing partner of her brother's favorite shoes.

"I like the red one," he decided and grabbed the burgundy sweater out of the closet.

"And put this shirt on first," she instructed, and the little boy did as he was told. "Wanna practice tying your shoes?" she offered, and he nodded eagerly. "Okay. I'll do one, then you do one. First, you put this string under this one, then pull. Make a loop, wrap it around, push the other loop through, then pull again. Got it?"

Hayden held the shoestrings in his hand for a moment and stared at them silently before sighing in exasperation. "I can't do it yet, Elle."

"That's okay. We'll try again tomorrow," she assured him, taking over the shoe that had been discouraging him.

"Hey, Elle?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did your mommy go? Did she leave you here so you could live with us forever?" he wondered.

Elena smiled and explained, "My mom is in New York, where we used to live. But she'll be back in Seattle tonight. When she gets back and we find a house and get settled, I'm gonna go live with her again, but we won't be far away anymore."

"So I'll see you all the time?"

She nodded. "Probably almost every day. Then, next year, when you're in kindergarten, we'll be at the same school."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. My interview at Rosebrook is next week, but Cristina told your mommy that she heard from George that I'm probably going to get in."

Hayden, however, was still all smiles at the news of his sister's permanent stay in Seattle. He was also glad that Addie was going to be close by, too. She always thought of the best things to do when they visited New York; and sometimes she even convinced his mom and dad to let Elena and him have dessert before dinner if they had been extra well-behaved that day. He still wasn't quite sure how their family was a family, but he knew that somehow they all were. "Do you miss your mommy, Elle?"

She nodded; she always missed her mother when they were apart. Yet at the same time, she loved the time that she had with her father. For her entire life so far, that time had been so precious and rare; now, however, she knew that those precious moments with him would fill each and every day. She knew that everything she ever wished for in her young life would finally be hers.

…

_Okay, so here's the deal. Usually, I don't start posting my stories until they're almost done being written, but this is "hot off the press," so to speak. Do you guys want me to post as I write (the updates will probably be only once a week since my schedule is super-crazy right now) or should I just wait until I'm pretty much done and post then? Let me know!_


	2. Chapter 2: Inside Us All

_It seems that most people prefer updates as I write, so that's what I'll do! I'll try to get a new chapter up every week or so, depending on what my schedule permits._

**_Chapter Two: Inside Us All_**

_Life can hold you down  
When you're not looking up  
Can't you hear the sounds?  
Hearts beating out loud  
Although the names change  
Inside we're all the same  
Why can't we tear down these walls?  
To show the scars we're covering_

_  
_Creed

…

"_I love you, too, Mommy. See you tonight."_

As Addison hung up the phone, she found it strange that hearing her daughter's voice could simultaneously make her feel like smiling and crying. This had been the longest that she and Elena had ever been apart, and for the first time, she got a real taste of what Derek must have felt.

"Dr. Montgomery?" a young nurse named Carissa said timidly, calling Addison back to the reality of the hospital. "Dr. Richardson needs you for a consult in four thirty-nine."

She nodded. "Tell him I'll be there in just a minute." She then headed upstairs to tend to another patient.

The NICU was quiet except for the footsteps of a nurse and the beeping of the various machines and monitors that kept vigil over the hospital's youngest patients. One patient in particular—a newborn named Johanna Jane, or JJ as the staff had taken to calling her—was Addison's priority.

Even if JJ hadn't been the daughter of one of her oldest and dearest childhood friends, the child would have still been at the top of her list. Born at just twenty-six weeks and surprising them all by pulling through, Addison knew that JJ was a fighter. And she had a special place in her heart for people who were strong enough to beat the odds.

"Hey, there, JJ," she smiled down at the tiny child in the incubator, and she was reminded of six years ago when she had been staring down at her own daughter.

"Addison," a tired voice said from behind her, and she turned to see the exhausted smile of her childhood friend.

"Hey, Meg. How're you feeling?" she asked as she helped her friend into a seat.

Margaret Wentworth-Covington—or simply just Meg to all those closest to her—had been Addison's friend since their boarding school days. Addison didn't have a memory from her childhood that didn't involve Meg in some way; she was the closest thing Addison'd had to a sibling until she'd gained four sisters-in-law upon marrying Derek.

"I'm feeling worn out and large," Meg smiled. "How's my baby girl today? Behaving for her Aunt Addie?"

"She's been great," Addison grinned. "Where's Brent today? Usually I have to yell at him to go get something to eat because he won't leave here."

Meg sighed. "In Chicago. He left this morning. He wanted to send one of his guys, but it's a meeting with one of the big-shots, and I didn't want him taking the risk. He'll be back tonight. When are you leaving?"

"My flight is at seven; maybe I'll run into him at the airport," she said playfully.

"I think you're crazy, just so you know," Meg stated bluntly, then continued. "You're just picking up and moving yourself and Elena across the country _again_ so that you can be closer to your ex-husband. Addie, most people's dream is to have a country separating them from their ex."

"Meg, I just want Elle to be able to have a father in her life. You know that I didn't have the best relationship with my dad, and neither did Derek nor Meredith. We don't want that for our kids."

But Meg shook her head. "And you're friends with his wife. Like I said, you're crazy, my darling."

"I'll come to visit every single time I'm in town, and I promise to call," Addison said. She knew Meg well enough to know that her friend was horrible at saying good-bye. "I'll be back after I go check on another patient, okay?"

Milo Richardson greeted her with a smile as she walked into room four thirty-nine. They had known one another for quite some time now; she had actually dated Milo before Derek years ago. Milo had also been one of the interns who had spent every free moment at Leni's side, so he had been wonderful to both Addison and Elena ever since they'd moved back to New York. Had he not been married, Addison might have even considered giving it another go. But she knew that ship had sailed, and she was thankful for his friendship nonetheless.

On the bed sat a nervous-looking woman holding the hand of a little girl who couldn't have been much older than Elena, hooked up to her oxygen mask and looking quite frightened herself. Pacing uneasily by the window was a man who was unmistakably the little girl's father; their mouths both formed exactly the same anxious frown.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, this is Dr. Montgomery; in addition to being a board-certified OB/GYN, she is also a renowned neonatal surgeon and a specialist in maternal-fetal medicine. And, of course, she also has a fellowship in medical genetics, which is why I requested her assistance on this case. Addison, these are the Cohens and their daughter, Alyssa."

"Hello. I'm pleased to meet you all," Addison said with a smile as she reviewed Alyssa's chart. "'Cystic fibrosis,'" she read, and Milo's request for her opinion suddenly made perfect sense. "Okay, Alyssa, I'd like to do a quick exam, if that's all right with you."

"Are you gonna poke me with a needle?" the child questioned skeptically, but Addison assured her that she wouldn't. "Well, I guess it's all right then."

"I have a little girl about your age," Addison told Alyssa as she listened to her heartbeat. "She'll be seven in a few months; her name is Elena."

Alyssa lit up and wondered, "What does Elena like to do? I like to dance and swim and read."

"Elena likes to do all those things, too. When she was a tiny baby, she was sick as well. She had a condition called spina bifida—there was a tiny hole in her back. But she's a brave girl, just like you are, and now it's almost like she was never sick."

"Do you think I'll get better, Dr. Montgomery?"

Addison paused for a moment. The truth was, as of now, there was no cure for this particular illness. Alyssa was probably one of the most severe cases she'd ever seen, and she only hoped that the little girl would make it to see the day that there would be a cure. "I think that within the next five years, they'll find a cure for this."

Upon finishing her exam and bidding the family farewell, Addison was followed out into the hall by Milo, who wore a look of mixed apprehension and hope. "Well, what's the word?"

"Her lungs are beyond damaged; I'm surprised she's as vivacious as she is," she reported.

"Exactly," he agreed.

"If you already knew that, then why did you want my opinion?" she questioned and immediately recognized the boyish grin that overcame his face whenever he was about to propose something completely crazy. "What?"

"I want to do a lung transplant on her, Addie, and I need you to tell me that it's the right thing to do," he finally said.

Addison drew in a deep breath. "Milo—"

"Addison, I know what you're going to say; you're going to tell me that it's a dangerous procedure for a child, and she could be on the list for years, and that the risks don't outweigh the rewards for everyone." By her expression, he knew that he had predicted her response correctly.

"She's just so young, and it's so risky. She's only a kid."

"That's exactly why I think it's a good idea. Kids are way more resilient that adults; the lung transplant could give her the time she needs until they find a cure for this." Seeing that she was still borderline on her decision, he added, "What if it were Elle? Wouldn't you do whatever you could to give her a chance?"

If it had been Elena, Addison knew that she would have given her own lungs if it meant that her little girl would get better. "You played the Mommy Card; that's cheating."

Milo laughed. "Not cheating. I prefer to think of it as strategy," he teased. "So, I can count you in on this surgery, right? Or will you be too busy running Seattle Grace to think of your old pals?"

"I'm going to Seattle, not to Mars," she remarked. But the truth was that it was going to be difficult for her to adjust to the move as well. She was comfortable in New York. Although she knew that Seattle would be best for Elena, there was still a tiny part of her that longed for the security that she had here.

"I'll miss you around here, Addie."

"Of course you will," she grinned coyly before heading back to the NICU.

…

After Meredith had put Aida down for her morning nap, she went downstairs and found Elena sitting on the sofa in the living room. It was obvious that the little girl had a lot on her mind, and Meredith patted her arm comfortingly as she took a seat beside her. "What's with that frown, huh?"

"I was just thinking about something."

"A good something or a bad something?" When Elena shrugged, Meredith offered, "Maybe if you tell me what's on your mind, I can help you figure it out."

The little girl pondered for a moment whether or not her worries were truly legitimate. When she decided that they were—although she knew that Meredith would treat them as such regardless—she confided, "I guess I'm a little bit worried about my interview; I know how important it is, and I don't wanna mess up."

"Sweetie, you have nothing to worry about. You're definitely smart, and you have a wonderful personality," Meredith assured her. "But we can practice if you want."

Elena nodded eagerly; she knew that being prepared was important. "What do you think they'll ask?"

"Definitely your name."

"Elena Amélie Montgomery-Shepherd," she answered, smiling as she said the mouthful. "And of course I can spell it, too, if they ask. Do you think it would be okay if I ask to be called Elle?"

"I'm sure they won't mind." Meredith then grabbed the nearest book and opened it to a random page. "Okay, read the first two sentences."

"A telephone book?" she questioned laughingly but did as she had been told. "'For the best pizza in town, call Angelo's Pizzeria. If it isn't Angelo's, then it isn't pizza.'"

Meredith grinned as she joked, "Well, if the topic of where to get good pizza comes up, you're covered."

"Either that, or I could have a wonderful career as one of those commercial voice people," Elena teased back.

When Meredith finally managed to stop laughing her little girl's ever-budding wit, she stated, "The interviewer will probably also ask some questions about your family."

Elena smiled as her favorite subject was brought up. "That's easy. I have a brother named Hayden and a new baby sister named Aida. And my parents are Addison Montgomery, Derek Shepherd, and Meredith Shepherd."

The child's answer nearly brought tears to Meredith's eyes. It was comforting to know that there wasn't even the slightest hesitation in Elena's response to her view of Meredith's role in her life.

"Was that okay, Mer?"

She nodded. "That was perfect."


	3. Chapter 3: All the Way Up to Heaven

_**Chapter Three: All the Way Up to Heaven** _

He said to only look up  
He said to never look down  
Down is where he came from  
He said to hope for the best and take a load off my chest  
Soon I could be happy  
And go all the way up to heaven  
And go all the way back home

Guster

…

"Elle, could you get that?" Meredith called from upstairs as a knock on the front door and a crying baby both demanded her attention. She knew that it was probably Cristina, who had volunteered to bring Hayden home since Aaron, her youngest son, went to the same preschool.

"Hi, Cristina," Elena greeted her parents' friend. And she knew that in less than a month, Aida wouldn't be the only baby in their "family" as she noted Cristina's huge stomach.

"Where's Meredith?" Cristina wondered, looking a bit preoccupied.

And a second later, Elena could see why. Gathered behind Cristina like a group of little ducklings were not only Hayden and Aaron, but also Sophie and Lydia.

"I'm right here," Meredith answered, coming downstairs with Aida in tow. "Okay… why did you bring home half the preschool?"

Ushering the group into the house, Cristina sighed. "I'll explain in a second, but I really have to go pee first."

Meredith looked at Elena, and the both burst into laughter. "All right, guys, let's go watch _Beauty and the Beast_," she suggested, then led the excited children into the living room.

"I love this kid and all, but it's time for her to come out. Apparently she's decided that my bladder is comfortable, and this whole maternity leave, soccer mom, fat chick thing is getting old," Cristina said bluntly as she dropped herself onto the sofa beside her friend.

Although they had all changed a bit over the years, some things were forever constant. "So is everything all right with Izzie and Alex? Why do you have the girls?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. She was out of town, and she got a flat. Alex had to go pick her up, so I have the girls until they get back," she explained nonchalantly.

"Izzie never goes out of town without the girls," Meredith remarked. "She's worse than I am about leaving her kids. I wonder what she was doing?"

Cristina shrugged. "Probably Christmas shopping or something; she was talking about it the other day. Seriously, I don't know how she doesn't go crazy with boredom."

Izzie had left the surgical program and Seattle Grace, realizing that medicine was not her calling; instead, she decided to go back to school and get her degree in psychology. She and Alex had married about three years ago, not to anyone's surprise. Izzie had worked as a children's grief counselor until the twins were born; she was now a stay-at-home mom, and they couldn't remember seeing her happier. However, what _did_ surprise them was the path that Alex had taken with his own career; never in a million years would any of them have guessed that neonatology would become his choice.

"So, anyway, give that kid to me for a sec." Cristina smiled as she took Aida into her arms. "God, I hope I'm ready to do this again. I mean, the diapers and the no sleep and the fact that the parent-to-kid ratio is totally off now… This is way more intimidating than our residency ever was."

Meredith found it funny that a few years ago, Cristina never would have dreamt of admitting something like that. But she nodded in agreement; clinging to her newborn son for the first time and knowing that his life was her responsibility for the rest of hers was even more intense than holding scalpel could ever be. But looking at the now four-year-old, it was hard to believe that he had ever been so small and fragile. Meredith then looked over at Cristina who was watching Aaron play, and she knew that her friend was thinking exactly the same thing.

…

Derek and Burke stood in front of the OR board, examining it with arms folded. It was a good board, and they had both taken a just a few moments to admire it before each heading home.

"So, Addison arrives back in Seattle tonight," Preston remarked. When Derek gave him a questioning stare, he smiled knowingly and replied, "You aren't the only one she talks to, you know."

"I know that," Derek retorted, although he'd had absolutely no idea that Addison had spoken to Burke. He knew that it was more than likely regarding work, but it was strange nonetheless. But then he realized that his friends would become Addison's friends as well, so he'd better get used to it.

"I don't see you scheduled for any more surgeries today," Preston then said, hinting silently that it was time for Derek to finally go home.

However, with a smile, Derek replied, "You aren't, either."

"Which is why I'm leaving right now," he grinned and began to walk away, leaving Derek and the board alone for just a moment longer.

"Daddy!" Hayden practically flew to the front door, arms outstretched, when Derek arrived home about twenty minutes later. "We're making psghetti!"

Derek scooped his son into his arms and smiled as he walked toward the kitchen. "Mommy's cooking?" he wondered, making an exaggerated shocked face, at which Hayden burst into laughter. Even the four-year-old knew that his mother was somewhat less of an expert in the kitchen than she was in the OR.

"Hi, Daddy," Elena smiled sweetly as she sat near the stove, diligently stirring what Derek assumed to be spaghetti sauce. "Aida had a tummy ache and she was kind of freaking out, so Meredith took her outside because that calms her down," she reported as-a-matter-of-factly. "It's okay, though, because I've got the spaghetti under control."

"You're amazing, Elle," he said, walking over for a closer look. "Where did you learn how to do this? Because I know that your mom definitely can't cook, either."

"Mommy's friend Dr. Milo is married to a woman from Italy, and she taught me how one night when we went over for dinner. Taste this," she requested and held out a spoonful for him to sample. "Does that taste right to you?"

He had always known that his daughter was remarkable, but the dark-haired, green-eyed six-year-old always managed to astound him time and time again. Many had commented that despite her young age, she had an old soul; at times like this, he could see that it was true. "You've got a winner, kiddo," he assured her.

"I wanna try, too, Elle!" Hayden exclaimed, and she gladly gave her little brother a sample. "It's yummy," he seconded as he rubbed his stomach animatedly.

"It's almost done, so if somebody could go get Meredith, we can eat," Elena told them.

Derek put Hayden down and suggested, "Why don't you go get your mom, pal?" When it was just the two of them, he smiled and wondered, "How would you like to go on a ferryboat ride tonight? Just you and me?"

Her face lit up like it was Christmas morning. Or rather, like any other child's face would have upon seeing a multitude of gifts under the tree; Elena, however, found joy in memories rather than material things. Ferryboat rides just happened to be one of the things she loved most. "Seriously? Okay!"

"Then afterwards, I was thinking that we could surprise your mom at the airport. She isn't expecting us, but I bet she misses you like crazy." The truth was that he knew the little girl missed her mother, too, although she'd never say that to him.

"That sounds like a wonderful surprise," she agreed.

Meredith returned with Aida in her arms and Hayden following close behind. "Elena Amélie, you put my grilled cheese to shame."

Derek took the sleeping baby from his wife. "Okay, now it's Meredith time. I want you to sit down, enjoy your spaghetti, and go upstairs and take a long, hot relaxing bubble bath and just do nothing for the next two hours," he instructed.

"What's this all about?" she questioned. However, it wasn't unlike Derek to come home being a sweetheart; he was always doing or saying something wonderful.

"Well, I'm going to spend some quality time with the kids, and you get to go relax. Then Elena and I are going to the airport, and when I get back, you and I are going to spend some quality time together," he grinned playfully.

Elena smiled as she watched them. All of a sudden, she felt a little bit guilty upon finding herself wishing that she could have known her mother and father this way—married and happy. Of course, she loved Meredith very much, but a little part of her had always wondered what went wrong. She'd asked her mother once, but she'd only replied that sometimes people are much better as friends and that she would explain everything when Elena was older. However, she was pretty sure that she was old enough to understand; after all, a lot more had happened to her in six years than to some people in their entire lives.

"Elle, it's really good!" Hayden told her again, red sauce covering his face and the front of his shirt.

"Hayden… we've _got_ to work on your etiquette," Meredith said, shaking her head as she stared at the mess her son was making.

But Derek just laughed it off. It seemed as though these days, nothing could get to him. Everything in his life was amazing; he had a wonderful wife, a job that he loved, and kids more remarkable than he ever could have asked for. Nothing could bring him down… Or so he thought.

…

Two hours later, Derek and Elena were standing on the top deck of a ferryboat; it would be at least another hour until Addison's flight arrived, and there hadn't even been the question of how they should spend the time.

"The city is so pretty at sunset," Elena remarked, completely captivated by the way the colors of the sky reflected off the maze of seemingly miniature buildings in the distance. "I wonder what it looks like from the other side of the sky."

"You should ask your mom when she gets here; I'm sure she's got a great view from the plane," he suggested.

Then, to his surprise, she wondered, "I wonder if Leni can see the sunset from Heaven? Do you think she can?"

When Elena was younger, most of her conversations involved Leni in some way; she wanted to see every photograph and to hear every detail of every story. However, as she got older, she didn't mention Leni as much; everyone just assumed that it was because the reality of the situation was becoming more real, and with that reality also came the pain of loss. And, in a way, they had been right; Elena _did_ miss the mother she'd never gotten to know. However, the reason she didn't ask very much about Leni anymore is because it broke her heart to see the look in her parents' eyes because they _could_ remember what they'd lost.

"I think so," he told her. "A sunset is one of the most beautiful things there is, so I think that everyone in Heaven gets to see them, too. I think that just maybe, sunsets are a little piece of Heaven that we get to see here on earth."

Elena nodded, never moving her eyes off of the multicolored sky. "Once I read a book about a girl who died and came back in another life as a dolphin because she loved the ocean so much. Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"You know, I've never really thought about it. Do you?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. But if it's real, in my next life, I want to come back as a bird so that I can fly through the clouds and up to Heaven whenever I want to." She then held out her arms and closed her eyes—a habit she'd practiced ever since watching that particular scene from _Titanic._ "C'mon, Daddy, you have to do it, too," she urged, looking up at him with her big green eyes.

When he was with Elena, he felt just like a child again… So happy and carefree. Leni had been able to make him feel that way, too. "Okay, Princess," he agreed and spread out his arms as well. And as the wind wrapped around them, causing their hair to dance around their faces, the rest of the world seemed to disappear. It was only them, the sunset above, and the dark blue water beneath them.


	4. Chapter 4: Sweet Child O'Mine

**_Chapter Four: Sweet Child O' Mine_**

_She's got a smile that, it seems to me  
Reminds me of childhood memories  
Where everything  
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky  
Now and then when I see her face  
She takes me away to that special place  
And if I stared too long  
I'd probably break down and cry_

Guns N' Roses

…

"Do you see her?" Derek asked Elena as he held her on his shoulders, towering high above the crowd outside the airport terminal.

After a moment of silence, the little girl whispered excitedly, "There she is!"

Addison hadn't expected to find them waiting for her when she got back, but it was a great surprise. In only a moment, after what had seemed like an eternity apart, she was holding her little girl in her arms again. As she buried her face in Elena's soft, dark curls and, to her surprise, she breathed in the scent of Derek's cologne. And at that moment, she was so grateful because that meant that he had held her close and given Elena all the warm embraces that she had longed to all the while they were apart.

"I missed you so much, Mommy," Elena whispered as she clung tightly to her mother. All the emotion that she'd purposely restrained when she spoke to her mother on the telephone that past week was now overcoming her. She hadn't wanted to make her mother feel bad because she had to be away, but if it was up to her, they wouldn't have to be apart again.

"I missed you, too, Sweetie. So, so much," she replied. Then, looking up at Derek who had been quiet the whole time, she couldn't help but smile as she stood and met him eye to eye. "Thank you, Derek."

He kissed her cheek and smiled in return. "Welcome home, Addie. How was your flight?"

"Long but thankfully uneventful. Although I did sit by this adorable young pregnant woman who asked me at least a hundred questions after I mentioned that I was an OB/GYN," she recalled cheerfully. "Oh, and Meg's daughter is the cutest little thing, Derek. And Savvy and Weis are doing great, but they're really freaked out that Elena and I have decided to move back. And so have your sisters—call Nancy, by the way. But anyway… How are Meredith and the kids?"

"Everyone's doing wonderfully," he assured her brightly. "Things are great."

Addison smiled, then turned her attention back to Elena. "I know someone else who missed you," she said and then pulled Elena's doll out of her bag and handed it to the smiling child.

The doll, Amélie, had belonged to Leni when she was a little girl, and now it was Elena's most prized possession. Usually, she was never without it, but to Addison's surprise, she had handed the doll to her mother right before she got on the plane for New York. "So you can take a part of me with you," the little girl had reasoned.

"Amélie," Elena whispered, winding her fingers in the laces of the doll's dress out of habit. "I hope she had a good week in New York."

"She did. And I bet you had a wonderful week with Daddy and Meredith, didn't you?" Elena grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "Well, my darling," Addison smiled as she stood and took Elena by the hand, "I can't wait to hear all about it. Let's go wait for my bags, then we'll go to the hotel."

"Wait… You're taking Elle tonight?"

"Yes," she replied quickly. "I thought we'd already discussed this, Derek."

"I thought we had decided that she would stay with us until you get settled into your new place."

"No… we decided that while I was in New York taking care of things, Elena would stay with you, and when I got back to Seattle, then she'd come back to stay with me," she insisted, refusing to relent.

"A hotel room can't do justice to a real home, Addison. And besides, all of her clothes are at my house."

"It's for a few weeks, Derek. A month at the most. The movers will be here with our things tomorrow, and then we'll have it put into storage until we decide on a house. I'm not going to argue with you about this; it's what we decided on a week ago."

Elena sighed loudly; technically, her parents didn't ever fight; there was no yelling or shouting or name-calling. Most of the time, they didn't even argue. But when they did, it was usually about her, and she couldn't stand that. "You're talking about me like I'm not here. _Again._"

Suddenly being reminded that his daughter was standing right there, he immediately knelt and put himself eye-level with her. "I'm sorry, Princess; your mom is right. You two have some catching up to do. Be a good girl, okay?" he whispered, hugging her tightly before starting to walk away.

"Derek," Addison called out, and he stopped and turned. "I'll bring her over tomorrow morning before you leave for work, okay?"

"All right," he nodded. He knew that there would definitely be adjustments for all of them in this new chapter of their lives, and all he wanted was for everyone to be happy. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Elle. I love you."

"I love you, too, Daddy."

…

"So, I want to hear everything about your week," Addison requested as she and Elena sat on the soft, fluffy bed after finally settling into their hotel room. "What did you guys do? I want all the details."

Elena loved that sometimes her mother acted like a mother, but sometimes, she treated her just like a friend. It was a wonderful balance, and Elena knew that she was lucky. Talking to her mother was so easy because for such a long time, it had been just the two of them

"Today was the first day that Daddy had to go back to the hospital, so I helped Meredith take care of Aida, and we practiced for my interview. And Cristina came to visit when she dropped Hayden off after preschool. On the other days, we kind of just hung out," she began to recall to her mother, who was listening attentively to her daughter's every word. "This morning Daddy cooked us breakfast, and I cooked spaghetti for dinner. Oh, and we went on a ferryboat ride, too."

"I'm glad you had such a nice week, Sweetheart," Addison smiled as Elena cuddled up next to her.

"What about your week, Mommy? How is everyone in New York?"

"Sad," she answered, being completely honest. She tended not to sugarcoat things with Elena; she felt that if she spoke to her like a rational adult, Elena would grow up as such. So far, her reasoning was proving true. "Like I was telling your dad at the airport, everyone is sad that we're leaving again, but they understand. They're really going to miss you, but we can fly out there together when I have a consult."

Elena nodded in agreement as she laid her head on her mother's shoulder. She was going to miss her family back in New York; her grandmother and aunts, uncles, and cousins had been such a big part of her life. And that wasn't even mentioning the friends that she and her mother had accumulated over the years who had become like family.

"You're so quiet tonight, Elle. I honestly thought you'd be a nonstop chatterbox," Addison remarked. Normally even after only a few hours apart, Elena could ramble for just as long about every detail of every minute of her day. But tonight, she was strangely reserved. "What's on your mind, Sweetie?"

"I just don't like it when you and Daddy argue about me," she revealed after a moment. "It upsets me."

Addison sighed heavily as she hugged her daughter tightly. "I'm sorry, Elle. That's something your dad and I are gonna have to work on; we're going to have to get used to raising you together. We just both want what's best for you. But just so you know… it upsets me, too."

"But even though sometimes you argue with Daddy, you still love him, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"You're just not _in love_ with him."

"Exactly."

Elena then questioned, "Well, how can you tell the difference?"

"It's hard to put into words, really. It's… it's just a feeling, and it's something you have to know for yourself. There are different kinds of love; as you experience each kind in your life, you learn to distinguish them," she explained. Upon seeing Elena's bemused expression, she assured her, "Someday that'll make more sense to you."

"I hope so. It can't make any less sense, I guess," Elena grinned, and Addison was glad to see that her daughter was in better spirits.

However, when Elena yawned widely, Addison said, "Okay, I think it's time for both of us to get some sleep because I'm exhausted, and I know you are, too. I don't know if it's the time difference or the jet lag or just stress—it's probably a little everything—but I can hardly keep my eyes open. We'll finish talking about all this tomorrow. Sound good?"

Elena nodded and pulled the covers up around herself. "Sweet dreams, Mommy."

"They will be now that you're back with me," she whispered, and kissed Elena's cheek before turning off the light.

…

"Hey, you. The kids are both asleep," Meredith grinned mischievously when he walked upstairs into their bedroom. However, noting the distracted look on his face, she questioned, "Derek, what's the matter? Where's Elle?"

"With Addison. She'll bring her back here tomorrow," he sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, then slowly proceeded to take off his shoes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, but she could tell that he wasn't.

Still focusing on his shoes, he was still for a moment. "This is harder than I thought it would be." Meredith waited quietly for him to continue, and he finally admitted, "I thought that actually having Elena in town would make it easier, but she might as well be across the country if she isn't right here with us."

For years, Derek had always felt so guilty about not being able to be a bigger part of his eldest child's life. He did what he could, but it was hard because they were so far apart. He did everything he could to partake in the major events of her life—he was there for more than some fathers who actually lived with their children—but he always felt like it was never going to be enough.

"How long are you going to beat yourself up over this? Derek, Elena loves you. And she knows how much you love her," she said softly.

But he just shook his head. "For six years, I've watched her grow up in pictures. I couldn't go to every ballet recital or every PTA meeting. Hell, I had to hear her first words over the telephone. I wasn't there for her, Meredith; for six years, I wasn't there. When she gets older and looks back, what's she going to think?"

Meredith moved to the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms reassuringly around her husband's shoulders. "She's going to think that she was one of the luckiest kids in the world because she had a dad who loved her enough to spend nights on end worrying about whether or not he was a good dad. Which you are, by the way."

"How would she know that?"

She grinned and replied, "Because one day when she's older, I'm going to tell her. Maybe on her wedding day or something."

"Her wedding day? Seriously? You're already thinking about her _wedding day_?" he questioned laughingly. "She's six years old, Mer."

"I know, but someday she'll be twenty-six," she said and started to giggle at his expression. "It's just that she's our oldest, so I just figure that she'll be first. Of course, the twins told me that Hayden has a girlfriend at preschool, so maybe he'll end up being first." After a pause, she added, "I don't think Aida will be first. There's no way she'll settle down before she's thirty; I can tell."

"You can tell, huh?" he teased then kissed her cheek playfully.

It was a relief to see him smiling again; it broke her heart when he was unhappy. "Feel better now?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I do."


	5. Chapter 5: Kaleidoscope

**_Chapter Five: Kaleidoscope_**

_You cut me out in little stars and place me in the sky  
I lose my sense of time  
You know me, how troubled I can be  
But through your kaleidoscope  
I let go  
'Cause you show me the world as it could be  
Through your kaleidoscope  
It's beautiful_

Kate Havenvik

…

"He'll be here soon, Sweetheart," Addison assured her daughter as the little girl sat on the couch in their two-bedroom hotel suite, wringing her fingers anxiously. It was the day of her school interview, and although she wouldn't say it, Addison could see how nervous she was. "Are you hungry? You hardly touched your breakfast."

But Elena shook her head. At the moment, the thought of food made her physically ill; if she thought she had been nervous before, that was nothing compared to right now. "I don't need anything."

"Stop worrying," Addison whispered, giving Elena's hand an affectionate squeeze.

"I'm trying not to, but I can't help it. Maybe if we talk about something else, it might help," she suggested.

She smiled and took a seat beside Elena. "That sounds like a good idea. What should we talk about?"

Elena thought about it for a moment. There were hundreds of things to talk about, but she couldn't seem to come up with anything. Finally, however, she wondered, "When are we getting a house? 'Cause Daddy is right; we can't live in a hotel forever. I mean, I like the room service and all that kind of stuff, but it's not the same."

"Okay, rule number one of being a woman: Never admit to a man that he's right, even if he is," she teased, and Elena giggled. "And, like I told Derek, the hotel thing is just for a little while. We'll be meeting with the realtor at the end of the week. So, enjoy 'the room service and all that kind of stuff' while it's here. All right?"

"All right," she agreed.

At the sound of a knock on the door, Elena jumped up to answer. "Daddy!" she said happily, jumping up into his arms. "Do you like my suit, Daddy? It's Dolce and Gabbana; the shoes are Prada. Mommy got them in New York especially for the interview."

"I think you look beautiful, Elle," he smiled, then suggested, "Why don't you go ahead to the elevator? We'll catch up in a minute."

"Okay," she nodded and eagerly hurried out the door.

"Addison… you dressed our six-year-old in Prada? Seriously?" he questioned, noting the amused look on his ex-wife's face.

"And Dolce and Gabbana," she added with a coy grin. "We dress to impress. It was a pain to get tailored on such short notice, but doesn't she look fantastic? Oh, come on; don't give me that look. Part of the fun of having a daughter is dressing her up. You'll teach her how to fish and catch a baseball and whatever, and I'll teach her how to shop and which shoes go with a particular outfit."

"Whatever you say, Addie," he shrugged with a smile and followed her out the door to meet their daughter by the elevators.

…

"Dr. Montgomery. Dr. Shepherd. Elena," a strict-looking woman with horn-rimmed glasses addressed them, shaking their hands as they sat in the waiting area. "I'm Ms. Kensington, headmistress of Rosebrook Academy. It is certainly a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure's all ours," Derek smiled in return, all the while watching Elena out of the corner of his eye. She was worried, but anyone who didn't know her as well as he did wouldn't have even been able to tell.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to speak to Elena alone for a while," she requested.

"By all means," Addison agreed and encouragingly placed her hand on Elena's shoulder. "You'll be great," she whispered reassuringly and watched her daughter follow Ms. Kensington into the office. She found herself alone with Derek and sighed. "I guess… now, we just have to wait."

"I wonder if this is how our patients feel?" he asked suddenly, for the most part just thinking out loud. Then he laughed and added, "Well, minus the fact that there's no actual life or death situation in an elementary school interview."

Addison smiled, thoroughly amused by the randomness of his remark. "Let's just hope we're always on the other side of the waiting room," she replied, and he nodded in agreement and stood to look through the pile of magazines on the table beside him.

Meanwhile, Elena took a seat in an oversized burgundy chair while Ms. Kensington sat down behind her desk. For just a moment, the little girl's eyes wondered around the pristine office, and a few things caught her attention: The degrees framed on the wall; a large, bronze statue of an eagle—the school's mascot—caught frozen in mid-flight, and the small sign on the desk that revealed that Ms. Kensington's first name was Cynthia.

"Everyone calls me Elle, so if you want to, that's okay," the little girl said, just to break the silence.

"All right. Elle, I have been reviewing your transcript and your standardized test score results, and I have to say that I'm quite impressed. Your scores could easily match those of children years older than you are; it's obvious that you're a very gifted child. You have amazing potential."

The little girl smiled and said, "'There are some things which cannot be learned quickly, and time, which is all we have, must be paid heavily for their acquiring. They are the very simplest things, and because it takes a man's life to know them, the little new that each man gets from life is very costly and the only heritage he has to leave.'"

After pausing for a moment in awe, she answered, "Hemingway. Well, now I'm even more impressed. I've never met a seven-year-old who could quote Hemingway."

"Actually, I'm only six. And my dad is a big fan of Mr. Hemingway. I learned how to read from an old copy of _The Sun Also Rises_," she said happily, quickly warming up to her potential future headmistress.

Now completely captivated by the child sitting before her, Ms. Kensington asked, "Do you know what an autobiography is?"

She nodded. "It's when someone writes a book about his or her own life. Like a memoir."

"That's right," she smiled. "I'd like for you to tell me about yourself, Elle. Tell me about your family and your life, just as though you were planning an autobiography."

"This might take a while. Do you have the time?" she grinned knowingly before taking a deep breath and beginning her story.

…

Elena sat outside waiting while her parents spoke to Ms. Kensington. The interview hadn't been at all as scary as she'd anticipated, and she hoped that she had said the right things.

The secretary smiled warmly at her and offered, "There are a few books and magazines that you might like to look at while you wait."

"Thank you," she smiled and rose to look through the stack of brightly colored magazines before a familiar voice caught her attention.

"George!" she squealed excitedly and ran across the room to give him a hug.

Her parents' friend was a sixth grade math teacher at Rosebrook; like Izzie, he had also decided to leave the surgical program for a different career path. But despite the change, he and the others had managed to remain a close-knit group.

"Your interview is today?" he wondered, and she nodded in reply. "How'd it go?"

"I think okay. Mommy and Daddy are in there with Ms. Kensington right now, but they've only been in there for a little while," she reported.

George smiled. It seemed like it was only moments ago, rather than years, that the smiling green-eyed child before him had been a fragile newborn. The fact that she survived the first few weeks of her life had been a medical miracle; to see her now—happy and healthy and intelligent—was beyond belief. "I'm probably not supposed to tell you this," he whispered, leaning in just a little, "but I've heard lots of good things."

She grinned. "That's good. I really wanna come to this school."

"I hope you get in, Elle. You deserve it," he assured her then hurriedly glanced at his watch. "Oh, man… I've got to get back to my class; who knows what damage a roomful of eleven-year-olds can do. Personally, I don't wanna find out. See you, Elle."

"'Bye, George," she smiled and went back to searching for a magazine; it was always such a comfort to stumble upon a familiar face in the midst of unfamiliarity.

…

At the same time, Addison and Derek were sitting in the same office where their daughter had been only moments before, waiting for Ms. Kensington to speak.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she looked up at them and smiled. "Elena and I had quite the conversation; she certainly is a creative child."

"Really? What do you mean?" Addison wondered. When Ms. Kensington recounted Elena's story in semi-amusement, Addison and Derek exchanged knowing glances before the former said, "As unbelievable as that sounds, every word of it is true."

Her mouth dropped a little in surprise; however, almost instantly, she regained her composure and continued, "Well then, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your daughter is a charming, remarkable child—as I'm sure you both already know—and she would be a wonderful addition to Rosebrook Academy. However, when my secretary scheduled this appointment, she mistakenly marked down that Elena would be entering the second grade, not first. At this time, there are no available openings for the first grade."

Addison sighed in disheartenment and heard Derek do the same. They both knew that the news would break Elena's heart.

"However, I have a proposal," she went on, recapturing their attention. "Intellectually, Elena is more than capable of handling the workload of a higher grade level. If you feel that she would also be emotionally capable of dealing with classmates who are a year older, we would love to have her here."

They both knew that Elena was more than capable of handling being around people older than she was. Most of the time, she was more grown up than the adults around her, including themselves.

"If you'd like to bring her in here and discuss it before making a decision, that would be fine."

A moment later, Elena was brought back into the office and stood beside her mother, wearing a questioning expression.

"Elle, Sweetheart, we have a proposition for you," Derek said, smiling knowingly.

"Okay. What kind?"

"How would you like to go to the second grade instead of first? There aren't anymore openings for first grade, but they'd really like for you to attend Rosebrook."

A thoughtful look overcame her face as she pondered what her father had just said. "So… I'd be skipping a grade. That means I'll be in William's class! Okay, that's what I wanna do."

"Well, at least we know she isn't indecisive," he laughed, just happy to see her happy.

Standing, Ms. Kensington held out her hand and shook Elena's. "Elle, I would like to formally welcome you to Rosebrook Academy. We look forward to having you here. We'll see you Monday morning."

"Thank you, Ms. Kensington. I look forward to it," she replied, catching both of her parents off-guard. Hearing her say those words in that tone, standing there in her Dolce and Gabbana suit, she didn't seem only six. But Leni had always seemed beyond her years as well, and Elena was nearly a carbon copy of Leni.

"Your mom and I are _so_ proud of you, Princess," Derek beamed as they walked out of the office.

Addison seconded, "We certainly are, Sweetheart. But then again, I don't think you could ever disappoint us."

"Mrs. Burke?" Derek suddenly remarked in surprise, and they all looked ahead to find Preston's mother standing before them.

"Derek, Addison, how nice to see you. And is this little Elena all grown up?" she smiled at them. "Oh, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here. Cristina went into labor this morning, and I'm here to get Oliver so he won't miss his little sister's birth."

"Oh, that's great," he smiled. "I wonder if Meredith knows yet?"

"When I left, Cristina had Preston calling everyone, so I'm sure she'll know in a bit if she doesn't already," she answered just as Derek's cell rang.

"Speaking of," he smiled and excused himself from the conversation.

However, before anyone could say anything else, Addison's phone rang as well. They noticed a perplexed look cross her face as she looked at the caller ID, but it soon became a look of absolute fear as she answered and listened intently. Taking Elena by the hand, she calmly said good-bye to Preston's mother and then hurried outside to find Derek.

"Mommy, what's the matter? What's wrong?" Elena questioned, trying her best not to panic despite her mother's expression because it wasn't a look that she saw all that often.

"We have to go to the hospital right now," she said ambiguously, though her words were laced with worry.


	6. Chapter 6: Complicated Questions

**_Chapter Six: Complicated Questions_**

_Tear me from these complicated questions  
Taking all the empty spaces inside me  
But complicated answers never did you any justice anyway  
Complicated as we are, we're going have to burn it all away_

Finger Eleven

…

"Addison, are you going to tell me what's going on?" Derek demanded as they finally arrived at Seattle Grace Hospital. The only thing she'd told him was that they _needed_ to get to the hospital, although she wouldn't say more than that.

"Yeah, Mommy, you're seriously freaking us out," Elena added worriedly.

Addison, however, took a deep breath and did her best to remain calm as the elevator doors opened. "I just have to make sure before I say anything; there's no point in worrying everyone over nothing."

"Is everything all right with Cristina and Preston's baby?" Derek questioned; however, Addison's silence said it all.

In Cristina's room, Addison, Derek, and Elena were met by the smiling faces of their friends who were anxiously awaiting little Lillian's birth. It was obvious that none of them knew what was really going on, and the others forced a smile so as not to worry them.

Alex Karev, however, was the exception. His eyes met Addison's and while everyone else chatted away cheerfully, they inconspicuously walked out of the room and into the hall. Wordlessly, he handed her a printout of the ultrasound and confirmed her worst fear.

"So I was right, then?" he asked, and she nodded.

The mass on baby Lillian's right lung was painfully obvious as Addison stared at the ultrasound printout. From the image and Alex's report of the baby's slowly decreasing vitals, she was only all too aware of the potential consequences. "Why didn't you diagnose this earlier, Karev?" she demanded.

"Whoa… Calm down. I'm not Cristina's primary physician; hers is out of the country, so I took over for her. I've seen the scans, and the growth wasn't there two months ago. Whatever it is, it's growing fast."

Addison sighed. "All right. We need to deliver this baby and operate as soon as possible to avoid further damage. Would you like for me to tell them or…?"

"I'll tell them. Cristina's my friend, and I'm her doctor… so I should be the one to tell her, right?" he said, although it seemed as though he was trying to reason with himself. However, he was finding it difficult to come up with the words to tell his friend that her unborn daughter could possibly be dying. With strangers, it was like a routine. Like a script read off of a page. But when it was a friend, all the rules changed.

"Cris… Chief Burke… Can I talk to you guys… alone?" Alex said hesitantly, causing everyone to look up at him in concern. It wasn't like Alex to be at a loss for words.

"Alex, what's going on?" Izzie questioned, her unease growing as she saw the look on her husband's face.

Cristina, however, didn't seem to care whether or not there were other people in the room. "Is something wrong with my baby?" she demanded fearfully, taking her husband's hand into hers.

"I'm sorry, Cristina, but we found a mass on Lillian's right lung," he explained regretfully, handing her the ultrasound image so that she could see for herself.

"Oh, God…" was all she could manage to whisper.

"But there was no mass on the last ultrasound," Burke stated, as though trying to convince himself that this was impossible, even though he knew that it was true. After all, he was holding the proof in his hands.

Addison put her hand on his arm in reassurance as she said softly, "It's obviously very aggressive, Preston. The sooner we operate, the better her chances will be. We'll take good care of her, all right?"

"Come on, you guys. I think we should give them a minute," Meredith said suddenly, ushering their shocked circle of friends out toward the waiting room. It broke her heart to see her friend that way, but she knew Cristina and understood that she would want some time alone for the news to sink in.

"Mommy, I need to go potty!" Sophie announced urgently, pulling on her mother's skirt. The twins were just beginning their potty-training regiment, and anyone within a twenty-foot radius knew that.

"Okay. Lydia, do you need to go?" Izzie asked, but Lydia shook her head and continued playing some sort of block game with Aaron and Hayden. "What about anyone else?"

Meredith stood and took Aida from Derek's arms. "She needs a diaper change. And Elle, I brought you a change of clothes so you can be more comfortable while we wait," she offered.

Elena nodded and took Meredith's outstretched hand; the tension and worry in that waiting room was almost overwhelming, and she was thankful for the chance to get away for just a moment.

…

"Elle, I just realized that I completely forgot to ask about your interview," Meredith remarked as the little girl sat on the bathroom counter, tying her pink Converse sneakers.

"It's okay; there's a lot going on," she assured her, then grinned. "But I got in. I'm gonna be in William's class." Howeer, before Meredith could even praise her, she wondered, "Is Cristina's baby gonna be all right? Mommy and Alex looked worried and… well, I guess it just makes me worry, too."

"We just have to hope for the best, Sweetheart. That's all we can do. Your mom and Alex are great surgeons, and they'll do their best. We just have to wait and see what happens… and go from there," she whispered, doing her best not to start tearing up. She heard Izzie force back a sniffle, and she felt a sharp pang of fear run through her chest.

The only thought that was running through Meredith's mind was that Cristina and Burke's baby _had_ to be all right. Things like this happened to other people, not them, right? As a doctor, she knew that her reasoning made absolutely no sense; but as a friend, she hoped desperately that wishing would be enough.

Then, in true Izzie form, she suggested, "Why don't we go to the gift shop and pick something out for Lillian? I saw the cutest teddy bears that come with a little pen so you can write messages and things. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Elena nodded and agreed, "I think that's a really good idea. Shopping as always a good idea."

"So, we're going teddy bear shopping, then," Meredith stated, and Sophie clapped excitedly.

"Teddy bear!" the little girl echoed excitedly, and the others smiled, too. Her cheerful innocence reminded them that, no matter what was to come, very rarely is anything ever really as bad as it seems.

Twenty minutes later, the five of them had virtually invaded the gift shop and began searching for the perfect gift for Lillian.

Immediately, Elena spotted the bears that Izzie had spoken of and held it up. "Found it!" she announced, holding the big pink bear up for Meredith and Izzie to see.

However, she also attracted the attention of another member of the Grey family who just happened to be walking by the gift shop at precisely the moment Elena spoke. "Lamb, what are you doing in the hospital, huh?" Lexie questioned, catching the little girl's attention.

Lexie Grey was a second-year surgical resident and, like her older sister, already had a reputation for being one of the most promising future surgeons in the program. She was like her older sister in other ways, too, but Meredith made sure that her little sister stayed out of trouble. Lexie often joked that Meredith was in the running for the title of "the Nazi," currently held by Dr. Miranda Bailey, but all the others would have pinned the title for Cristina Yang.

"Lexie!" Elena exclaimed happily. For the short amount of time that they'd known one another—Meredith hadn't fully reconciled with her father until shortly before Hayden's birth—the two were extremely close. Since the distance wasn't very far between Cambridge and Manhattan, Lexie often went to New York for some much-needed "family time" with her sister's step-daughter. And ever since, Elena had been Lexie's "Lamb."

"Hey, shouldn't you be with your resident?" Meredith questioned, completely surprised at the fact that she was now a grown-up and a voice of reason.

But Lexie only grinned and let Aida grip her tiny hand around her forefinger. "My liver transplant patient was discharged today, so I was just walking her out to say good-bye. I don't have a new assignment yet, but I was on my way upstairs to get one when I saw Lamb and wondered what was going on. So, what's the deal?"

"Cristina's in labor," Meredith revealed.

"Whoa… I bet the Chief is freaking out royally," Lexie joked but, upon seeing the grim look on her sister's face, her smile faded. "Mer, what's wrong?" But before anyone could speak, Lexie's pager went off. "It's a 911 from maternity," she whispered, and though no one said anything else, they all knew who it was.


	7. Chapter 7: How We Operate

**_Chapter Seven: How We Operate_**

_  
A little joy  
A little sorrow  
And a little pride so we won't have to borrow  
Wherever you lead, I'll follow  
Turn me inside out and upside down  
And try to see things my way  
Turn a new page, tear the old one out  
And I'll try to see things your way_

Gomez

…

"You paged 911, Dr. Karev?" Lexie said as she appeared on the maternity floor, a little out of breath from running to get there as soon as possible.

With a knowing grin, he informed her, "That was just to get you to hurry. I've noticed that it takes you at least five minutes longer when the page isn't 911."

Lexie just shook her head and remarked bluntly, "You and my sister get a twisted thrill out of torturing me, don't you?"

"Something like that. Anyway, you're scrubbing in on a C-section and then a tumor removal with Dr. Montgomery," he explained quickly.

"Whoa… I get _two_ surgeries? Seriously?"

Alex looked up and nodded. "Can you handle that, Dr. Grey?" When she eagerly assured him that she could, he then replied, "Well, in that case, let's go scrub in. Hope you had enough coffee; it's gonna be a long day."

Meanwhile, after buying Lillian's pink teddy bear in the gift shop, Meredith and Izzie had retreated back to the waiting room, where an uncomfortable silence rested over them. No one really wanted to speak because, really, there was nothing to say. So instead, they watched the children playing happily, for the most part unaware that anything was wrong.

Finally, however, Izzie broke the silence as she decided, "I should call George and let him know what's going on. He'd want to know. He'd want to be here."

Meredith nodded in agreement and managed to smile as Hayden crawled up onto her lap to cuddle. "Hey, you," she whispered, resting her cheek against his soft blonde hair and suddenly her attention went to the sleeping baby girl in her husband's arms. Would Cristina get the chance to know her little girl? Would Aida and Lillian be able to grow up together and become best friends like their mothers? And what in the world would she say to Cristina if the answer to those questions was "no"?

"Mommy, you look sad. Are you sad?" Hayden wondered, holding his mother's face in his little hands.

"Yeah, I'm a little bit sad. I'm worried," she said softly.

Hayden nodded thoughtfully and answered, "Oliver is worried, too. He said Lillian is sick. Is she?" When Meredith explained that she was, he stated simply, "She'll be okay."

"I hope you're right," she whispered into his ear before kissing his cheek.

"All right. I just talked to George, and he's on his way. And I met up with Preston in the hallway, and they're bringing Cristina in to the OR in a few minutes. He looks so worried—I mean, anyone would be—but I told him that he should get something to eat and some coffee. But he said he wants to be there with her," Izzie reported.

"That's good. I'm a little worried about the boys, though. Should we… I don't know, should we talk to them about what's going on? This must be so scary for them, especially Oliver," Meredith wondered as she and Izzie turned their attention to the two Burke boys.

Aaron and the twins were playing quietly, although the usually boisterous and rambunctious little boy was uncharacteristically calm. Oliver, who tended to be quiet most of the time, was sitting next to Elena flipping through the pages of some brightly colored children's magazine.

"I don't know, Mer. I feel like we should tell them _something_, but is it really our place? Preston was in such a daze, though; I don't know if he's even thinking straight right now," she recalled, the memory still fresh in her mind of him standing in front of the OR board, just looking so helpless and lost. "I think we should. I'll do it," she volunteered, calling the boys over and gently explaining the general ideas of the mystery that had everyone so worried.

"Meredith, I'm a little bit hungry, and Oliver said he was, too," Elena told her stepmother a moment later. "I was thinking that I should go get everyone sandwiches or something."

But Derek was the one who volunteered. "That's a great idea, Elle. In fact, I'll go with you because there's a patient I need to check on—post-op for a spinal tumor removal."

"Okay!" she agreed enthusiastically. It was very rare that she actually got to meet any of her parents' patients, and she was eager to see the outcome of her father's work. In fact, the only time she had ever really spent with a patient was about a year ago when her mother decided to personally supervise one of her post-op newborns. Words couldn't describe Elena's excitement as she was allowed into the NICU and put on the oversized sterile surgical gown, just like she was a real doctor, just like she dreamt about becoming someday.

…

"You're quiet," Derek commented as he and Elena walked hand-in-hand toward the elevator.

"Lillian isn't even born yet, and she might die. Her mommy and daddy love her, and it's not fair that mommies and daddies who love their babies have to lose them. Why does life work that way, Daddy?"

The six-year-old's question stopped him in his tracks. He knelt down in the middle of the hallway and looked into her big, green eyes. "Elle… I wish I knew the answer to that, but I don't. In fact, I wonder the same thing all the time. But I don't have the answer for you."

Elena nodded with a sigh. "It's okay, Daddy. Maybe there isn't an answer. Maybe all the bad things happen for a reason… like to remind us about the good things we have."

Somehow, the child always managed to put things into perspective for him. If you looked hard enough, you could find the good in any situation. Elena herself had been the blessing to come from an otherwise tragic situation; if Derek could have had his way, both Leni and Elena would be there with him, but things seldom go the way one expects. Elena was one of his three miracles, and no matter how bad things seemed, she was a reminder of what was really important in life.

"Mr. Meyner, how are you feeling this afternoon?" Derek asked when he and Elena finally arrived at his patient's room.

A man in his sixties replied jovially, "I'm feeling just fine, Dr. Shepherd. Just fine." He then noticed Elena standing just outside the doorway and wondered, "And who is that pretty little thing standing over there? Why, if I had my brushes and paints, I'd be able to paint an angel."

Derek motioned for Elena to enter the room and introduced them to one another. "Mr. Meyner, this is my daughter, Elle. And Princess, this is Mr. Alan Meyner; he's—"

"A painter," she finished. "I saw your collection at the Met when my class went there last spring. Your work is beautiful, Mr. Meyner."

"Beautiful _and_ good taste in art," he replied. "Little one, you are intriguing. Come and sit by me, and let's chat for a moment, shall we?" he requested, and Elena walked toward him, silently amused at his eccentricity. "Are you an artist, Elle?"

The little girl shrugged. "I don't know; I've never tried painting. I'm in ballet and I play the piano, though," she volunteered.

"Hold up your hands," he instructed. After a quick glance in her father's direction—and an unknowing shrug in reply—Elena did as he asked. "Ah, yes. My dear, you have the hands of an artist—delicate, yet strong. Humor an old man and promise me that you'll at least have a go at painting."

"Okay, I will," she assured him cheerfully, eager to see if he was right.

…

"Dr. Grey, why am I making a transverse incision as opposed to longitudinal?" Alex questioned as Lexie stood by his side, watching eagerly. Addison was waiting in another OR across the hall, anxious to begin surgery on baby Lillian as soon as possible. Preston was also in the OR, gently holding Cristina's head in his hands and feeling uncharacteristically helpless.

"A transverse incision decreases the chances of the need for repeat C-sections in subsequent births, as well as less blood loss and decreased recovery time," she answered without hesitation.

He nodded and commended her, "Good job, Grey. Looks like next time your sister is on your case, I can tell her you've been doing your homework after all. You doing all right over there, Cris?"

"Oh, yeah… just great," she answered, and he was glad to hear her familiar sarcasm despite the fear she must have been feeling for her daughter.

"That's great. Okay, Lexie, I need you to put your hand right there," he instructed, suddenly getting a flashback of his first completely solo delivery. It had been Elle. He remembered how nervous he had been, how he worried that every move he made would somehow cause harm to Leni or Elena. And he remembered how, after holding that tiny, fragile baby in his arms for just a moment, he knew what his true calling was.

A moment later, Alex was holding another tiny baby girl in his arms. She had ten fingers and ten toes and big, dark eyes. She was crying loudly, and if he hadn't known how terribly ill she was, he would've thought that everything was perfectly fine. Knowing that this was potentially the first and last time that they might see their daughter—a thought that caused a sinking feeling in his stomach—he held her up for them to see. "So, what's the final verdict on her name?"

With a sad smile and a look of pure love and adoration in his eyes as he looked at his newborn baby girl, Burke answered, "Lillian Imani."

"Lillian Imani," Alex repeated before handing her off to Lexie's waiting arms. "Get her to Addison, stat."

Lexie quickly cleaned the baby, checked her vitals, and wrapped the baby in a sterile cloth. She then hurried across the hall to Addison's OR, where a second surgical team was waiting. "Dr. Montgomery, the C-section went through without any complications, and the baby's vitals are stable. Dr. Karev is closing up as we speak."

Addison nodded. "All right, then. Let's get moving, people. We have to work fast if we're going to save this little girl's life," she said, very business-like. However, she then did something that completely surprised Lexie; as the anesthesiologist was putting the little girl to sleep, Addison gently held Lillian's hand in her own. "You're gonna be just fine, Sweetheart," she whispered, determined to stay hopeful.


	8. Chapter 8: Somewhere Only We Know

**_Chapter Eight: Somewhere Only We Know_**

_And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?_

Keane

…

"How is she? How's the baby?" Meredith stood and began questioning the instant Alex walked into the waiting room.

"Cristina is doing fine; everything went great. She's up in recovery right now, and she should be feeling up to a few visitors at a time in a few hours," he reported.

But Izzie pushed, "And the baby? Alex, is Lillian okay?"

He noticed the anxious stares of not only his friends, but also of Cristina and Burke's mothers and their two boys. "The last time I saw her was right after the delivery; she's still in surgery, and it'll probably be a while. She was six pounds and seven ounces. She seemed strong. She had a good, strong cry," he answered, trying to be as reassuring as possible.

"Thank you, Dr. Karev, for taking such good care of my daughter and granddaughter," Cristina's mother said as she gave him a hug.

"Yes, our Lillian and Cristina are quite fortunate to be in such good hands," Preston's mother seconded.

"Anything to help a friend," he told them. He just hoped that it would be enough.

When Lydia and Sophia came running toward him, he scooped them both up and hugged them tightly. He knew that all too often, he took for granted that his girls had been born happy and healthy. His two beautiful little girls, tiny versions of their mother with their light blonde curls and big brown eyes. They were his chance to put his past behind him and prove to himself that despite what had happened, he didn't have to become the person his father was.

"Uncle Alex?" Oliver whispered as he walked up to him.

"What's up, little man?"

"My mommy is gonna be okay, right?"

He nodded. "She's gonna be fine. In a while, I'll even take you to see her, okay?"

"Okay. And what about my sister? You guys can fix her, right?" he asked, wide-eyed and afraid.

"We'll do everything we can," he promised.

…

"Okay, we're all done here," Addison announced, nearly five hours after she had begun. It had been a delicate, meticulous surgery, but she was almost certain that she had managed to remove the entire mass. And, to everyone's relief, Lillian had pulled through—although not without a few scares along the way.

"What now? Do you think she'll pull through, Dr. Montgomery?" Lexie wondered as she walked alongside Addison on the way

"Now… we wait. It's up to Lillian to fight. I do know that the longer she holds on, the better her chances get, but we've done all we can do for her now. The waiting game is always the hardest part."

Cristina's room was, for the moment at least, calm and quiet. Only she and her husband were there, and both looked up nervously when Addison arrived.

"I'm going to be honest with you. Lillian pulled through the surgery, but it's going to be an uphill climb for her. This is something that we're going to have to take day by day for a while, but she's stable for now. If you'd like, I can take you to see her."

Preston immediately stood, eager to see his newborn daughter again. "Cris, are you feeling well enough to be wheeled to the NICU?"

Surprisingly, though, she shook her head. "I'm still… feeling a little bit out of it. You go ahead. I think I should probably just stay here and rest some more."

"Do you need me to stay? How are you feeling badly?" he questioned, obviously overly worried with everything that was going on.

"No, it's okay. I'll be fine. Really," she assured him, but he was hesitant to leave.

However, Miranda Bailey appeared in the doorway at precisely that moment and added, "You go on up to the NICU, Chief. I'll stay here and keep an eye on her until you get back."

Feeling more reassured now, he nodded and followed Addison as she led the way.

"So, news travels fast in this hospital. How are you feeling?" Bailey wondered.

"It was a routine C-section without any complications. I'll be up and walking by tomorrow."

"But how are you _feeling_?"

Suddenly, all of Cristina's defenses fell. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she finally admitted, "I should be up there with her. I should… I'm her mother, and I'm not there. And it's not like I don't want to be there, but I just… I can't do it. I can't go there and just sit back and be helpless while my baby is dying. She's my daughter, and I'm supposed to be there for her and protect her... and I can't. And I hate myself so much for it, but it's too hard. It's too much."

Bailey smiled comfortingly and sat down on the edge of Cristina's bed. "I don't know if you remember this, Cristina, but when you were an intern, you and I went up to Idaho to get that heart, we talked about something like this. You asked me about the baby. And I said—"

"'You do what you can, when you can, while you can. When you can't, you can't.' I remember."

"Well, all right then," she nodded.

"I just… hate the fact that I can't," she whispered, and it was obvious that her guilt was more than she could bear.

"That just goes to show how much you love her. We always hate it when we can't be there for the people we love. But we all have our limits, even surgeons. The thing that makes us different is that we'll rarely ever admit it. And when we do, we take it the hardest."

…

"Derek, do you think you could take Elle for the night?" Addison asked, returning from the NICU after Lillian's most recent episode. It had been a very long day, and they had only just begun. The little girl was so fragile, and it was such a touch and go situation.

"Yeah, of course. I'd love to. Everything okay?" he wondered, noticing the look on her face.

She sighed. "I just think I should keep an eye on Lillian tonight. She's given us way too many scares today for me to leave. In fact, I'm going to go back to the NICU to sit with her in just a minute."

"All right," he agreed, standing as he held his two sleeping children in his arms.

Looking around, Addison suddenly realized that the waiting room, which had been filled all day, was now strangely quiet. "Did everyone go home already? It's unusually calm around here. And where did Elle wander of to? I'd like to tell her good night before you leave."

"Um… Preston's mom was with the boys. I'm not sure where Izzie and George went; I'm pretty sure they took the twins for a walk. I know Meredith said she was going to check on Cristina," he reported. "I have a feeling Elle isn't too far behind."

Addison took Hayden from Derek's arms and followed him to Cristina's room. However, they were both surprised to find Preston standing outside, silently looking through the window, wearing a contemplative expression.

The two looked questioningly at one another, but neither had an answer. However, they soon looked into the room and saw what he was seeing.

Elena was the only one who seemed to notice the small gathering outside Cristina's door, and she quietly went to join them. She smiled up at her mother then wrapped her arms around her waist. On this side of the door, things were different; looking into the room on this side, she saw things from an entirely different perspective.

Cristina was lying quietly in the tiny bed, her face now pink and puffy from hours of crying. Meredith was lying beside her to her right, holding her hand tightly; Izzie was sitting at her left. At the foot of the bed was George, and Alex had pulled a chair close to the bed and was now resting his head on his wife's lap.

Nobody said a word, but in the silence was a sort of secret language between the five of them that only they knew. All the others—even Preston—stood as observers to the scene before them, seeing a world held together by the bond formed between five people who had, for a moment, seen the world through the same eyes.

…

"Hey, Preston. I thought you'd probably be asleep by now; it's been a long day for everyone," Addison smiled as he walked into the NICU late that evening. She had decided to stay the night at Seattle Grace to personally monitor Lillian.

"Can't sleep," he replied, although he sounded absolutely exhausted, and pulled up a chair next to Addison. "Don't get me wrong—having two boys is amazing, but I've always wanted a daughter, too. When we found out that we were having a girl, I was ecstatic; I couldn't believe my good fortune. My little Lily. She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she is. Preston… I know that this is hard, but don't say your good-byes yet, okay? She's already made it this far; she's still got a chance," she offered, trying to be supportive. In a way, she knew what it was like to lose a child; in her heart, Leni had been hers. And to this day, every now and then when she least expected it, she was still caught off guard by the loss. "How is Cristina feeling?"

"She's starting to feel better. Meredith is spending the night at the hospital with her in case she needs something while I'm in here."

"I guess it's a good thing I sent Elle home with Derek, then. She'll be a big help with Hayden and Aida," Addison commented. "What about your boys?"

"They're staying with my mama, probably getting spoiled rotten," he laughed, surprising both of them.

"That's great. And, you know, if Cristina is feeling up to it later, it might be a good idea for her to come and visit Lillian; babies seem to thrive when they're surrounded by people who love them," she suggested.

But he shook his head. "One of the crosses that we must bear as doctors is that we are all too aware of the realities of medicine. We know the statistics, and we don't expect any one patient in particular to beat the odds." After a brief pause, he admitted, "Cristina is afraid; she's afraid that she'll get attached and then we'll lose her. I know that Cristina loves Lily, but she's _so _afraid to lose her."

"She'll come around, Preston. She's had a lot to deal with today, and she needs some time to let it sink in. But eventually, she'll face this. Cristina isn't someone who backs down from a challenge," Addison replied, noting a faint smile cross his face. "And what about you, Preston?"

"If Lily wants to fight, I'll help her fight. And if she wants to let go… well, then, I guess I'll have to let her go," he said simply, rubbing her arm with the back of his hand. "But I hope to God that she decides to fight."


	9. Chapter 9: One

_**Chapter Nine: One**_

_And when you're running from questions  
__And it seems like uncertainty controls you  
__And when you're looking for answers  
__In the eyes of somebody who knows you  
__Then one is all that you need  
__All that you need to keep you warm  
__All that you need  
__All that you need to move you  
__One is all that you need  
__All that you need to get you home  
__All that you need  
__All you need is one_

Tina Dico

For the first time in three days, Cristina found herself alone. It wasn't that she minded the company—with the exception of her mother, of course—because it prevented her from thinking. She was being discharged that afternoon, and to her greatest sadness, she would be going home without baby Lillian.

They had spent days preparing the nursery for the arrival of a baby girl; after two boys, Preston had been more than ready to go all-out with everything that signified that the room now belonged to a little girl. Despite the fact that she wasn't one for things that were pink and frilly, she went along with her husband's plan and even got the boys involved in getting Lillian's room ready.

Cristina wasn't sure how she would be able to look into that empty room, into the crib where her baby should have been sleeping peacefully. She couldn't help but wonder if perhaps this was her punishment for wishing away her maternity leave for a quicker return to the hospital. Well, she had certainly been given what she'd asked for.

She wasn't quite sure how she ended up there, but before Cristina realized it, she was in the NICU. There were only five babies in the room, all so tiny and delicate and overwhelmed by the machines and wires that kept them alive. And although she had only seen Lillian that one time before they took her to surgery, she recognized her little girl immediately.

The nurse in charge recognized her and smiled as she sat down next to the incubator that was securing her daughter's life. She was suddenly overcome with the feelings of absolute love and adoration for her child that she'd been fighting against to protect herself in case they lost Lillian. But now, looking into her child's beautiful face, her walls had completely fallen. "Hi, Lillian. It's your mommy. I know I haven't been here in the past few days, and I'm sorry about that, but… I'm here now. I wanted to be here all along, but I'm not as strong as you are, Lily." After a brief pause, she added, "But I will be now."

Meanwhile across town, another mother-daughter duo was busy trying to find the perfect place to call home. Addison and Elena's house in New York had been absolutely beautiful, and it was probably the thing Elena would miss most about living there. However, she knew that houses could be replaced and it was the people inside that made it home, so she was willing to make the sacrifice.

"There's an adorable three-bedroom on Whittier Street that you might like. It isn't very far from Rosebrook or Seattle Grace, so it would be a great location," Marie Hausen, their realtor, offered—still cheerful even after showing them ten houses to no avail.

Addison looked at Elena questioningly, and the little girl responded, "We probably should. After all, we _do_ need a house. It can't hurt just to look. Maybe this house will be the one?"

"Here it is. What do you think?" Marie asked when they arrived a few minutes later. "It was built back in the sixties, but the owners did a great job with the upkeep. The only people who have ever lived here are the original owners, and I think the husband actually built it."

"What made them decide to sell? Over fifty years of memories is a lot to part with," Addison remarked, never removing her view from the house. There was no denying that it was beautiful, and it was obvious that years of painstaking love went into the home.

Marie shrugged. "I don't know the whole story, but his wife passed away a few months ago—cancer, I think. Maybe over fifty years of memories was too much to bear."

The inside was just as charming; an immediate sense of comfort and warmth could be felt by simply walking through the front door. Addison gently traced her finger along the intricately hand-carved banister at the bottom of the staircase; that was already her favorite part of the house.

Elena wasted no time in getting to the room that would make or break her decision about any of the houses—her room. She ran upstairs and, after a moment, called down from the top, "You have to come and see this, Mommy!"

They found the little girl sitting at the window, looking outside and smiling. "This is the house we have to buy," she decided. "It's perfect, and it already feels like home. And my room at our house in New York had a window seat just like this; I really liked that."

She took a seat beside her daughter and looked outside as well. It was a nice neighborhood, and in a lot of ways, it was certainly a step back from the busy, fast-paced Manhattan life. "You sure about this, Elle? Is this our house?"

"Do you like it, Mommy?"

"Yeah, I do."

She smiled and nodded. "Then it's home."

…

"Hey, there you are," Meredith smiled as she joined her friend in the NICU that afternoon. "Lexie is freaking out trying to find you, and she doesn't want to tell Burke that she can't," she laughed, only because she knew that panic-stricken feeling that comes with the first few years of residency all too well. She also knew Cristina and had a pretty good idea where she would find her.

"I feel like such a bad mother," Cristina confided, looking up at her friend.

Meredith rubbed Cristina's arm comfortingly. "You're not. You're human, Cristina. We all get scared and have our weak moments and feel ways we wish we didn't. It happens, okay? And it doesn't make you less of a person or a bad mother. So don't think that."

"There's no one else to blame for this one, Mer. Look at her; she's so helpless. I'm supposed to keep her safe, and I couldn't."

"There was nothing you could have done."

She sighed and confessed, "I could have been here with her. If it was Oliver or Aaron and either of them would have been in the same position, I would have been there. But I thought that maybe… if I didn't get too close and we lost her, then it wouldn't hurt as much. How terrible am I?"

"There are always going to be times when we feel like failures as parents. When you have to deal with a screaming baby after a thirty hour shift, you start thinking some things that later, you can't believe you'd ever think. Like I said, we all have our weak moments," her friend assured her. "And all that counts is that you're here for her right now; you didn't walk away. There's a difference between hesitation and walking away, all right?"

"Oh, thank God," Lexie sighed with relief as she found them in the NICU. "Dr. Yang, whenever you're ready, I'll do one final exam, and then we'll get started on your discharge papers. Dr. Burke said he'd take you home when he's done with an appendectomy." Walking closer to the incubator, she remarked, "She's looking so much better; it's like she gets twice as strong every day. I bet she'll be able to go home really soon."

"Yeah, maybe. She does look stronger, doesn't she?" Cristina said, touching Lillian's cheek gently.

Suddenly Lexie remembered, "Mer, I almost forgot. Derek told me to tell you that he brought Hayden and Aida to Mom and Dad's house. Emergency with a VIP patient or something."

Meredith nodded, but most of her attention remained on her friend. "Hey, Lexie, you look like you could use some coffee. C'mon," she urged, leading her sister by the arm. She knew that Cristina probably wanted to be alone with Lillian; at least, that's what she would have wanted if it had been her child.

"What was that about?" Lexie wondered when they were in the hall.

Meredith sighed. "I just wanted to give her a moment. She just needs some time so she can stop feeling guilty about not being able to control the universe." She paused suddenly, then stated, "You look like you have something on your mind."

"It's nothing," she shrugged before finally admitting, "I was desperate, so I promised Carson that if he helped me find Cristina, I'd go out with him. Isn't it just my luck that he knew where she was? I guess I have to now, right?"

Matthew Carson was a third-year surgical resident, and when Lexie was within a twenty foot radius, it was obvious to everyone present just how head-over-heels he was for her. Under other circumstances, he was quick witted and well-spoken and incredibly handsome; it was no wonder that half of the women on staff had a crush on him. However, much to his misfortune, when Lexie was around, he was lucky to manage a full sentence. Meredith knew that's all her sister saw, but she hoped that Lexie would come around. A man like Matt Carson would be good for her.

"He's a nice guy, Lex," she offered. "A lot better than some of the jerks you've dated. I think you should go; it'll be a nice change for you. And you never know… you might actually fall for the guy."

Lexie just looked at her sister as though she'd turned purple and sprouted a second head. "Seriously doubt that, Mer. You know, I don't think I'm ever going to find what you and Derek have. I mean, you guys have the perfect relationship. I'm talking _nauseatingly_ perfect. Five years of marriage and two kids later, and you two are still just as happy as newlyweds. It's like you don't even have to try."

"Believe me, Lexie, what Derek and I have took work. It took sacrifices and compromises and a lot of sleepless nights to get where we are." Meredith knew that there was no denying that she was extremely fortunate; she really did have all those things for which so many people spent a lifetime searching. She, for one, was well aware of the fleetingness of perfection; however, despite the obvious lessons of the OR, even she would be caught off guard at how quickly things can go wrong.


	10. Chapter 10: Wish You Were Here

**_Chapter Ten: Wish You Were Here_**

_How I wish, how I wish you were here  
__We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl  
__Year after year  
__Running over the same old ground  
__What have we found?  
__The same old fears  
__Wish you were here_

Pink Floyd

…

December was Elena's favorite month of the year. She loved the snow and she loved Christmas. Because, as Elena knew, Christmas meant family. In only a two weeks, she and her father would be going to the airport to pick up her aunts, uncles, and cousins. Her parents' friends would also be spending the holidays with them; after all, they were family, too. And the thought of a house filled with people she loved was the best gift Elena could have asked for.

This particular morning, Elena had been delighted to discover that it was snowing. She hadn't meant to wake up so early, but she was glad she did when she looked out the window and saw the tiny white sparkles drifting gently down against a gray winter sky. So for the past hour, she sat near her window, curled up in a warm fleece blanket with Amélie in her arms, just lost in thought.

"Okay, you're up way too early. Are you sick?" Addison teased as she stood in the doorway of Elena's room.

"It's snowing, Mommy!" she whispered with a cheerful grin.

"So I see. And apparently, your school noticed, too, because they've called today a snow day. So that means a day of nothing but pajamas, hot cocoa, and TV. I know it _breaks_ your heart to hear it, but what else can we do?" Addison smiled, brushing her fingers through Elena's soft hair.

"Do you think I could go with to you the hospital today instead?"

"Are you sure, Elle? I have three surgeries scheduled, so I'm afraid I'm going to be pretty busy all day. Are you sure you wouldn't rather stay with Vanessa today?" Addison offered. Normally, Elena would have jumped at the chance to spend the day with the fifteen-year-old babysitter, but today, something was different.

The little girl looked up at Addison and smiled. "I want to be with you today. It's okay if you're busy; we can have lunch."

"Okay. That sounds great, Sweetheart," Addison agreed, then asked once more, "Are you sure everything is all right?"

For a minute, Elena just stared wordlessly at Addison. Finally, she shrugged and said nonchalantly, "I think so. I just have a strange feeling, like I need to be with you today. I'm probably just being silly, but it would make me feel better. It's probably nothing."

Hearing Elena say something like that gave Addison a chill and an unsettling feeling deep within her stomach. However, she forced a smile. Like Elena had said, it was probably nothing.

…

"Whoa, where are you going?" Derek asked laughingly as he crossed Meredith hurrying down the hall. When she hesitated to answer, he just shook his head. "Aida is _fine, _Mer. Molly knows what she's doing, and calling thirty times a day probably isn't the best thing to do. And Hayden is there with her, too; they're fine."

Meredith sighed. She had already called three times, and it wasn't even ten o'clock yet. But it was so hard to leave her tiny baby with anyone else—even her own sister. It seemed like she had only begun her maternity leave when it was time to go back to work. "Was I this way with Hayden?"

Derek chuckled and answered, "Probably worse." He hugged her and reassured, "It'll take some time to get used to, but it'll get easier. Okay?"

"Okay," she answered, although only halfheartedly.

"All right, fine. Go call if it makes you feel better," he finally gave in and watched her face light up. "But afterward, no more calls until this afternoon!" he called out after her as she hurried outside, her cell phone already to her ear.

"Hi, Daddy!"

"Elle, what are you doing here?" Derek questioned, scooping her up into his arms and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"It's a snow day," she explained, still clinging to him tightly.

"And I have a C-section for triplets in twenty minutes," Addison added as she finally caught up with them. "First time mom—really freaking out and Baby B's heart rate is making me nervous, so I should be in there with her."

Derek nodded. "You go ahead, then. Elle and I are going to go get some hot cocoa," he said cheerfully.

"Good luck with your surgery, Mommy. Can I see the babies after we have lunch?"

"Of course, Sweetheart. Be a good girl for your dad, okay? See you in a little while," Addison smiled as they went their separate ways. Apparently, Elena's strange feeling from earlier that morning was contagious; now, Addison was having her own difficulties parting from the child. However, after a moment, she brushed the feeling aside and disregarded it, certain that she was just overreacting.

After Derek and Elena had gotten their cocoa, they decided that it was too beautiful a day to waste indoors. It had stopped snowing, and now the sky was cloudless and blue; it was still cold out, but not too cold to keep them inside. So the two of them were now sitting on a bench just outside the hospital, Elena on Derek's lap, both wrapped in his coat.

"Excited to have the day off of school?" Derek wondered. Even the little conversations with his daughter meant the world to him.

Elena nodded. "It's nice spending extra time with you and Mommy." However, with a grin, she admitted, "I do wish ballet hadn't been cancelled, though; the recital is coming up really soon, and I still have to practice. I have a duet with my friend Carrie; she's in my class at school. Oh, and did I tell you that my teacher gave me a solo, too?"

According to all the statistics, Elena should have been barely capable of walking—certainly not doing a ballet solo. But then again, Elena had always been more than just a statistic. "I can't wait to see it. I know you'll be amazing."

Meanwhile, Meredith had just ended a long conversation with her sister, who assured her repeatedly that both of her children were doing just fine. In an attempt to take her mind off counting down the minutes until she could see Hayden and Aida again, she busied herself with paperwork until a familiar voice called for her attention.

"Got anything good?" Cristina questioned with a playful grin, with her boys behind her and baby Lillian in her arms—the primary place she'd been since she was released from the hospital. Cristina was like a completely different person from when Lillian was first born, and it was such a relief for everyone.

"Well, look who couldn't stay away from the hospital," Meredith teased her friend, then turned her attention to the baby. "And how is Little Miss Lily?" she asked in a sweet, playful voice, taking her from Cristina's arms.

Cristina nodded. "She's doing just great. Actually, we're here for a checkup with Addison, and Burke promised the boys lunch since it's a snow day."

"Sounds like fun," Meredith remarked, smiling at Oliver and Aaron. "Well, I won't keep you from your appointment. But I did tell you about Christmas Eve, right?"

"Only twenty or thirty times," Cristina said in subtle sarcasm. "Should I have Burke cook anything?"

Meredith shrugged and answered, "You don't have to, but you can if you want. Derek's mom and sisters and their families are coming to town and my side of the family will be there, too, so I'm sure they'll make good use of my kitchen. Izzie said she'd do all the deserts, though, so we've got that covered."

"I don't know how you do it, Mer," Cristina said, shaking her head.

"Do what?"

"Over thirty people are going to be in and out of your house for a week, and you aren't even batting an eye. And not just people—_family._ I just… don't know how you do it."

With a coy grin, she replied, "After six years at Seattle Grace, I think I can handle pretty much anything."

…

Alex sighed as he sat down in a chair between his daughters' beds and closed the book that he had been reading to them. After a long day at the hospital, there was nothing quite like the peaceful quiet of home. He had just gotten Lydia and Sophie to sleep and was now relishing, for a moment, their sweet, innocent faces as they slept.

Izzie would be home any minute, and finally they would be able to spend some much-needed quiet time together. Every year at about this time, right before Christmas, Izzie's cheerful demeanor always changed a little. She wasn't what anyone would call depressed—perhaps nostalgic was the best term. She went through a period of a few days where it was nothing but looking through photo albums and watching old home movies, but regardless of how much Alex questioned it, she just smiled and left it at that.

This year, however, it seemed a little more intense. Just an hour ago, he had come home to find her nearly in tears. After assuring him that it was nothing—just a memory that had caught her off guard and that she would be fine after a quick drive to clear her head—he kissed her cheek and reassured her that he was there for her if she needed him and let her go. He knew all about ghosts of the past, but he also knew that there was nothing she could say to make him stop loving her.

The telephone rang, calling him back to the real world, and he hurried to answer it as not to wake the girls. "Hello?"

"_Hi. Um, is this the residence of Isobel Stevens? I mean, Isobel Karev?"_ a young woman asked nervously on the other line.

"It is, but she isn't home right now."

"_Oh."_ The disappointment in her voice was obvious.

"Can I take a message?" he asked, then diligently wrote down a name and telephone number. "All right. I'll give her this as soon as she gets home. Bye." He then hung up the phone, not thinking twice about the phone call. After all, it wasn't unusual for one of the children that Izzie had formerly counseled to give her a call to say thanks and let her know how they were doing.

About ten minutes later, Alex heard the door open and got up to greet his wife. "Hey, Iz," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "Feeling better? You look like you feel better."

"I do," she smiled, and he could tell that it was genuine. "How were the girls?"

"They were great. I read them _Cinderella_, and they fell right asleep. Didn't even ask a hundred questions," he grinned and remembered suddenly, "Oh, you had a phone call."

"Seriously? Who was it?" she wondered, hanging up her coat. Any of their friends would have called her cell phone, so she knew it must have been someone out of the ordinary.

"I got her name and number," he answered and went to retrieve the piece of paper. "She said her name was Hannah Neilson. Sound familiar?"

But at that moment, Izzie couldn't even manage to speak; she could hardly breathe. Exactly eighteen years ago today, she'd made the most difficult decision of her life and gave up her beautiful baby girl to a family who could give her child everything that she couldn't.

And, she knew, they had named the baby Hannah.


	11. Chapter 11: Afterglow

**_Chapter Eleven: Afterglow_**

_Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?  
In between the longing to hold you again  
I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control  
My mind drifts away, we only have today  
Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow  
Heal me from all this sorrow  
As I let you go I will find my way  
I will sacrifice 'til the blinding day when I see your eyes  
Now I'm living in your afterglow_

INXS

…

Izzie drew in a deep breath before opening the door to the café where Hannah would already be waiting. It wasn't that she didn't want to see her; she was just hoped that eighteen years wouldn't be too much. But Hannah had sounded so happy to speak to her on the phone, so she was hopeful.

It didn't take her very long to find her; it surprised Izzie just how much Hannah looked like Sophie and Lydia. And like herself. "Hannah?" she said, and the young woman looked up at her and smiled and stood.

"Do you think it would be okay if… I gave you a hug?" Hannah asked timidly, and an instant later, she was in Izzie's arms.

Izzie recalled the first and last time she had ever held her daughter this close. When she had let her go, she didn't know if she would ever see her again; now, however, eighteen years of wishing and hoping had finally become a reality. "I have missed you _so_ much," she whispered as a tear escaped down her cheek.

"I've missed you, too," Hannah replied, wiping her own tears away as they finally pulled apart.

"So, are you maneuvering your way around Seattle all right?" Izzie wondered, striking up a conversation. When she had returned Hannah's phone call two weeks ago, she wasn't sure what to expect. However, she immediately discovered that Hannah was intelligent, witty, and very easy to talk to. She asked if it would be all right for the two of them to meet since she would be in Seattle for a few days, but that she completely understood if Izzie preferred not to. The latter, however, was more than willing to accept the proposal; finally, she felt that the missing piece of her heart was being returned.

"I love Seattle, even the rain. The reason I'm here—well, besides to see you, of course—is to tour the University of Washington. I'm thinking of attending," Hannah explained cheerfully.

"So, you might be moving to Seattle, then?" she wondered excitedly, and Hannah nodded. "That's great; I'm really glad to hear that. Why don't you tell me about yourself, Hannah? What are your parents like? What kinds of things do you like to do?"

As Hannah began detailing her life, Izzie listened intently to each word. And, with every sentence Hannah spoke, she was more and more convinced that she had made the right choice. After leaving Santa Barbara when Hannah was six, she and her parents moved to Chicago for her father's work. She was at the top of her class and was a cheerleader; she also loved writing and shopping and horseback riding and planned on majoring in journalism.

"You were happy, then? I always prayed that you were happy."

Hannah nodded. "My parents love me very much; they're amazing," she assured her. "But… as great as they are, I never could help but wonder about you. It wasn't like you were a big mystery or anything; I've always known that I was adopted, and my parents told me everything they could about you. They told me that you were young when you had me and knew that you couldn't give me what I deserved, so you made sure that I was with people who could. They always said how much you loved me and how thankful they were to you."

Tears were once again falling down Izzie's cheeks. The one thing she had requested of them was to tell the little girl that she had loved her; she couldn't have lived with the thought that Hannah didn't know that. "I'm thankful to them, too. For loving you as much as I do."

"What about you, Izzie? What's your life like?"

"I've got a pretty amazing life, too," she smiled. "I actually went to medical school but decided it wasn't for me, so I went back and got my degree in psychology and did children's grief counseling for a while. I'm married to a wonderful man named Alex Karev, and we've got two-year-old twin girls named Lydia and Sophie. Would you like to see a picture of them?" she offered, and Hannah nodded eagerly.

"They're so cute!" Hannah beamed, looking at their identical cherubic faces.

"I have one with the girls and Alex somewhere," she offered, searching through her bag. However, as Izzie was pulling out the photograph, another one slipped out. Gingerly, Hannah picked it up and stared for a moment at the image of her six-year-old self. "You have a picture of me."

"Your mom had it sent through the adoption agency," Izzie explained, truly touched by the love that was evident in Hannah's expression as she stared down at the photograph. "When the girls were born, all I could think of was how much they looked like you did."

"We look like you," Hannah remarked. "My mom always said how much I looked like you—how beautiful you were, inside and out." She paused and then wondered, "Do you think that someday, it would be all right for me to meet Lydia and Sophie? I've never had any siblings, and now I find out that I have two little sisters. When they're older, I mean. Do you think that would be okay?"

"I bet they'd really like that," Izzie answered as the waitress came to take their order. "I'll have a non-fat latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon."

"Seriously? That's what I _always_ order." Hannah gasped, a bit in disbelief. Then a smile crossed her lips as she commented, "You haven't asked yet, but I'm sure you're wondering how I found you so quickly."

Izzie nodded; the thought had certainly crossed her mind. In truth, she had also thought of looking for Hannah and hoped that perhaps she was going to be looking for her, too, but she never expected a telephone call the day Hannah turned eighteen.

"Well, I knew that the adoption agency was in Seattle, so I assumed that you lived somewhere nearby. Or hoped. Anyway, when I was fifteen, my dad had a business trip to Seattle, so I convinced him to make it a family thing. I guess I just wanted to feel close to you. One morning I was reading the newspaper, and I came across an article on the importance of interactive parental roles in childhood development. And I was just… intrigued by the passion behind the writer's words. You can imagine what was going through my mind when I saw that it had been written by an 'Isobel Stevens.' I thought that maybe it was a big coincidence, but there was a photograph next to the article… and it was almost like looking into a mirror. And I just knew."

Izzie could only gasp as she tried to think of something to say. "So, you've known where I was for three years?"

Hannah nodded, took a sip of her latte, and continued. "I showed the article to my parents, and I really wanted to go out and find you. I mean, it said that you were engaged to Dr. Alex Karev and he worked at Seattle Grace Hospital; that was enough information. I wanted to go looking for you, Izzie. But then I realized that… you had a life. You had things going on that maybe I wouldn't fit into. I knew that you wouldn't be expecting me to come looking for you, so I waited, but when I finally turned eighteen, I couldn't wait anymore. I just wanted to talk to you… to hear your voice." She smiled and added, "And to say thank you."

Izzie was in tears again as she took Hannah's hand. "I just want you to know that giving you up was the hardest decision that I've ever had to make. But it was the only way, Hannah. It was the only way for you to have the kind of life I wanted for you. But I've always loved you, and I thought about you _every_ day."

"That's good to hear 'cause I thought about you, too. I framed the article with your picture and put it next to my bed. And I thought, 'I want to be like her. I want to say important things and help other people to see what really matters.' That's when I decided to become a journalist." Suddenly she looked at her watch and sighed disappointedly. "I hate to say it, but I really should get going now."

"You're leaving so soon?"

"My flight leaves in about two hours. I have to get back to Chicago. Christmas and stuff." However, she promised, "But I'll come back as soon as I can. Then you can meet Scott."

"Scott?"

"Don't freak out, okay? He's my fiancé. I know you probably think I'm way too young, and believe me, I've had lectures from everyone I know. But when you meet him, you'll see why I know we're going to make it; even my mom and dad are convinced, so that's saying a lot. Which also leads me to another thing I've been meaning to ask you. Will you come to my wedding, Izzie? I really, really would love it if you could be there."

"I'd love that, too, Hannah," Izzie assured her. It was almost too much to think that the tiny baby she'd once held close to her heart would be getting _married_. In a way, it was hard to face the realization of how much she had missed, but at the same time, she was so glad to be able to be welcomed into Hannah's life with open arms.

The young woman's face lit up in a smile. Happily, she began to quickly rattle off details. "It'll be in Seattle in June. Most of Scott's family lives here anyway, which is another reason I'm looking at UW. I'll send you an invitation and let you know all the details when I finally get things finalized." Then with a longing sigh, she hugged Izzie tightly, as though she never wanted to let go. "I'll see you as soon as I can. I'm so glad we did this. You're everything I hoped you'd be, and more. Give Lydia and Sophie a kiss for me."

It was so hard for Izzie to watch Hannah walk away when just an instant before, she had been in her arms. But even so, she couldn't help but smile. Hannah had grown up to be everything Izzie could have ever hoped—kind, intelligent, and happy. And even though they were apart again, Izzie didn't have to wonder if there would be a "next time" for them.

…

For a few moments, all the little girl could do was stare at the headstone that bore the name of the person she loved yet had never really known. Elena had asked to come to the cemetery; she realized that she hadn't been since they had moved to Seattle, and with Christmas coming up, it was something that she needed to do. Usually, she just sat and talked to Leni, telling her everything that was going on in her life. But at that moment, she found herself at a loss for words. So instead, she simply placed a single red rose atop the freshly fallen snow and said nothing.

"Elle, are you all right?" Addison wondered as she stood off to the side.

Finally, she turned around and looked at Addison with sad eyes. "Mommy, I don't know what to say to her."

"Just tell her anything. Tell her about how we moved to Seattle and your new school and how you were _amazing_ at your ballet recital. Anything you want to tell her, Sweetie."

"Do you really think she can even hear me?"

Addison walked over to where Elena stood and knelt until she was eye-level with her daughter. "Yes, I do. Just because someone you love has died doesn't mean you can't still talk to them, okay? I believe that Leni can hear you from Heaven, and if you listen carefully, maybe you'll be able to hear her, too."

"Like a voice?" she wondered.

"In here," Addison smiled, taking Elena's tiny hand and placing it over her heart.

"Like a feeling."

Addison nodded. "Yes, like a feeling. I know that Leni loves you so much that you'll be able to feel her love even if she's in Heaven."

Elena sighed and admitted, "I just wish I could see her one more time so I could tell her that I love her. So that I'll know she really hears me."

"Me, too, Sweetheart," she whispered, taking the child into her embrace. "Me, too."


	12. Chapter 12: Better Days

**_Chapter Twelve: Better Days_**

_And you ask me what I want this year  
__And I try to make this kind and clear  
__Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days  
_'_Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings  
__And designer love and empty things  
__Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days_

The Goo Goo Dolls

…

All the commotion coming from the Shepherds' house could only mean one thing: It was Christmas Eve. Derek, his brothers-in-law, and his nephews had spent the past few days decorating the yard and the house—which had come to be known as Santa's Freakin' Village, in memory of the interns' first Christmas together.

Meanwhile, the house was now beginning to fill with the wonderful aromas of what was to be their Christmas dinner. Addison and Meredith—both of whom had been forbidden from the kitchen because everyone else was all too aware of the damage they could do to food—busied themselves decorating the tree.

"So, Elle tells me that you two are going to New York in a few weeks," Meredith commented.

"Yeah, I promised an old friend that I'd be there for moral support during a surgery," she smiled as she hung an angel ornament that Elena had made a few years ago.

With a coy grin, Meredith said, "Dr. Milo." And when Addison looked at her with a "how in the world did you know that?" kind of expression, Meredith explained, "Elle told me. She seems really excited to see this Dr. Milo guy."

"Elle adores Milo, and he's so great with her," she smiled, although after a moment, she realized what Meredith had meant. "And before you say anything else, he's married."

"Well, it was worth a try," she shrugged just as the doorbell rang. However, before she could make a move toward it, Hayden and one of Lizzie's sons dashed past them and ran straight for the front door. "There were two kids just now, right?"

Laughing, Addison replied, "Yes. Hayden and Caleb."

"Okay, just making sure I wasn't starting to see double."

"Guess who's here!" Alex called out jokingly, followed by Izzie, Lydia, and Sophie. "Something smells great… and that makes sense because Mer isn't in the kitchen."

"Ass," she laughed and threw a small plastic Santa at him, which he caught easily. "Iz, you can just put the desserts in the kitchen. Apparently, I'm not allowed in there, but I'm sure you're more than welcome. And Hayden—" she started to say, but as though reading her mind, he took each twin by the hand and led them off to play with the other children.

"I'll be back in a second. I want to make sure Elle has a jacket on because I think she's starting to come down with something, and I want her to be well for our trip to New York," Addison excused herself, leaving Alex and Meredith alone for the moment.

Meredith noticed that he had picked up an ornament was distractedly moving it back and forth in his hands. She also knew him well enough to know that if she didn't ask what was wrong, he wouldn't say anything. "What's on your mind?"

Alex sighed. Out of all the friends he'd ever had over the years, Meredith was the one who seemed to know him better than anyone else. Of course, he and Izzie understood one another in a way that no one else could, but it had taken time. Meredith seemed to just get him right away; he knew that it was because deep down, they were, and had always been, just alike. "I'm worried about Izzie. She's acting really… I don't know. Weird, I guess."

"Izzie always acts weird around Christmas," Meredith pointed out.

"I know, but this past week, it's been different. It's like she's got something on her mind, but she won't tell me what's going on. Did she say anything to you?"

She shook her head. "Sorry, Alex. She hasn't mentioned anything to me. Whatever it is, I'm sure she'll tell you if it's really important. Maybe it's nothing," she offered, and he forced a smile.

"You're probably right," he agreed, looking a little more relieved than before. Then, in true Alex fashion, he grinned and said, "Okay, enough chick talk for me. I need to be around testosterone."

As Alex walked away, Meredith heard many of the guys come inside and make somewhat of a commotion in the kitchen. However, before she could go to see what all the fuss was about, Nancy's oldest daughter walked into the living room. "Aunt Addie asked me to come in here and help decorate the tree until she gets back. Dylan and Jacob smashed into one another when they were playing football, and she's helping with the whole bloody-faces thing," sixteen-year-old Eden reported as she walked up to Meredith.

"Are they okay? Do they need any help?"

But Eden shook her head. "I think they've got it under control. There are, like, ten doctors out there. Uncle Derek thought that Jacob might need stitches because his lip is pretty bad, but now that they've cleaned him up, it's not as bad as it looked."

"Okay," Meredith nodded as she heard another of her nephews yell out, "Ew! Gross!"

Both she and Eden burst into laughter. Despite the chaos that was inevitable with so many people under one roof—even though two of Derek's sisters and their families were staying with Addison and Elena—one thing was certain: There was never a scarcity of laughter. Or at least, not yet.

…

"Oh, I've got one," Nancy volunteered, hardly able to keep from bursting into laughter. They were now all sitting in the living room, recounting memorable tales of Christmases past. It was a yearly tradition, but everyone always had the best time laughing at the childhood antics of the Shepherd children. "Do you remember that Christmas when you were ten and I was eight, and we decided to do a live nativity play?"

"Let's just say that I learned the hard way that Mrs. Henderson's cat did _not_ want to be wrapped in swaddling clothing," he replied, and everyone erupted into laughter once more.

"Mommy, I wanna open presents!" little Aaron decided with a mischievous grin.

"We'll open presents after dinner, remember?" Cristina told him, trying to hide her smile as he started to pout.

"Speaking of dinner, someone should probably go check on the turkey," Meredith suggested, and Izzie readily volunteered.

It was more than obvious that something was definitely on Izzie's mind. While the others were lighthearted and cheerful, she seemed as though every smile was forced. Even when Derek and Cristina happened to be caught under the mistletoe that Lexie and Elena had conveniently positioned—to which Cristina simply looked at her friend's husband and snapped, "Hell, no," and walked away—she hardly made a response.

"George, go check on Izzie," Meredith urged, and their friend rose and followed her.

"Hey, Iz. You okay?" George asked upon finding Izzie alone in the kitchen. She was absently reorganizing various items around the kitchen.

She just shook her head. "No. I don't think I am, George."

"What's wrong, Izzie? You can tell me."

Izzie paused briefly, then asked, "Can you keep a secret?" When George nodded, she sighed and confessed, "I have a daughter."

He looked at her for a moment, completely at a loss for what she was talking about. "Okay, two things. First, that's not a secret. And second, you have _two _daughters."

But she shook her head. "Actually, I have three."

"Izzie, what are you talking about?"

She looked as though she was about to cry as she told him her story—the story that she had kept a secret for so many years. "When I was sixteen, I got pregnant and gave the baby up for adoption. A few weeks ago, she turned eighteen and contacted me, and we met. And now she wants me to be a part of her life—which I'm totally grateful to be—but I still haven't figured out exactly how to make this all work."

"Have you told Alex yet?"

"No."

"You need to tell him," he insisted adamantly. "I mean, this is a big deal."

She sighed loudly. "I meant to. I really did. God, I meant to tell him so many times. But I could never find the right way to do it. How do you bring it up? 'Oh, by the way, Alex, I've been meaning to tell you something. You see, I've got kids that aren't yours.'"

Unfortunately for Izzie, Alex chose precisely that moment to walk into the kitchen.


	13. Chapter 13: All I Need

_**Chapter Thirteen: All I Need**_

_The tears are coming down  
They're mixing with the rain  
I know I love you, if that's all we can take  
A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground  
We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down  
The TV's playing it all out of town  
We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown_

Mat Kearney

…

"Alex!" Izzie gasped, covering her mouth when she saw him standing there.

However, Alex couldn't even speak; he felt as though someone had just punched him in the stomach and had knocked all the air out of his lungs. Had he heard her right? Had Izzie really just said that the girls… weren't his? He always saw Izzie in them, of course, but there had to be something of himself in them too. Didn't there?

All he knew at that moment was that he had to get away. He needed a minute, and just then, he didn't want an answer. So, without a word, he walked out of the kitchen, past the living room, and out the front door.

Everyone else was still busy chattering away, laughing and carrying on as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Only Meredith, it seemed, took particular notice of the hurried way Alex left.

However, to her surprise, Lydia stood still for a moment and stared at the place where her father had walked moments before. The two-year-old then approached Meredith and looked up at her with frightened eyes as she asked, "Mommy and Daddy?" Her question, of course, caught her sister's attention, and almost instantaneously, Sophie was wearing the same questioning look.

"They'll be right back, okay?" she said, putting on her best smile. "I'll go get your mommy and daddy. It's okay."

But when she walked into the kitchen and saw Izzie in tears and George standing in silent comfort, she knew that everything wasn't okay. "What happened? Alex just left without saying anything and—"

"He heard something he wasn't supposed to hear," she replied but wouldn't say anything more.

"Okay, the ambiguity thing isn't gonna work. Seriously, what did he hear? What did you do, Iz?" she questioned in concern. Izzie just didn't get this way; she was the bright, cheerful, optimistic one. She wasn't the one to hold her emotions in, and she certainly wasn't the one to just let her husband walk away after a misunderstanding. "Well?"

Her tear-filled confession broke Meredith's heart. Izzie absolutely adored the twins, and she knew how difficult it must have been for her to go through life knowing that she had another daughter out there somewhere that she couldn't be with. And Meredith also knew from experience that keeping secrets—particularly of a magnitude such as this—wore down on a person over time.

"Izzie, you need to go talk to him," Meredith urged.

"What do I tell him?"

"Everything," she smiled and added, "Alex will understand, but only if you talk to him. You need to go clear this up. We'll… um, open presents or something to stall. Then, once you two have made up—which you _will_ because you're Alex and Izzie—we'll sit down to Christmas dinner like one, big, happy family."

A hint of a smile crossed Izzie's face as she quipped, "Optimism _so_ isn't your thing, Mer. But thanks all the same."

"Okay, change of plans," Meredith announced as she and George re-entered the living room while Izzie went outside to find her husband. "Looks like dinner isn't quite ready yet, so we're going to open presents instead," she said and, of course, all the children were more than eager to oblige. "Everyone gets to open two tonight."

"What's going on?" Cristina questioned, but Izzie and Alex's absences were obvious by then. "Oh."

Meanwhile, the children were busy ripping apart the wrapping paper, eager to discover what their newest gifts would be. Everyone except Elena, who also took notice that something was very wrong. After making sure that Lydia and Sophie were occupied with opening their gifts instead of their parents' absences, she walked over to Meredith and asked in a whisper, "What's wrong with them? Is everything okay?"

Before she could answer, Derek called out from across the room, "Hey, Elle, you haven't opened any presents yet, Princess. I bet there's some stuff you'll like."

"They'll be fine," Meredith assured her, and Elena smiled halfheartedly and went to pick out two gifts for herself.

She decided on the same ones that she did every year. The one from Bill—the man who had been Leni's biological father—was always a check for her college fund. And she knew that the one from Addison, Derek, and Meredith would be amazing; it was every year.

First, she opened the one from her parents and was delighted to find what was inside. "You got me painting stuff," she said with a huge grin as she delicately examined a paintbrush from the set. "Thank you for remembering."

"Can't wait to see what you'll come up with, Princess," Derek smiled. "Is that other box from Bill? It doesn't look like it usually does."

Elena realized that he was right. Usually, Bill sent the check in a small box, sometimes with a note or a card. However, this year, the gift was definitely larger and much heavier than it usually was. This, of course, piqued Elena's curiosity, and she eagerly tore open the paper.

Attached to the top of what seemed to be a scrapbook of some sort was a letter, which she read aloud. "'I came across this a few weeks ago when I was packing up some things, and I thought you might like it. Merry Christmas. Bill.'" Addison and Derek watched as their daughter's eyes grew wide upon opening the very first page. "It's… _Leni_," she whispered in mixed excitement and disbelief; she had only ever seen one photograph of her biological mother, but she would have recognized her anywhere. "Look!" she said, handing the album to her parents as she sat down between them on the couch.

Tears began to form in Addison's eyes as she saw the image on the very first page; there was a photograph of a three-year-old Leni, all smiles as she stood bundled up in a heavy winter jacket, surrounded by fresh white snow. Each page held a multitude of memories, some that Addison and Derek remembered themselves.

"Look, Mommy. There you are," Elena pointed out cheerfully. "Is this in a hospital?"

"That was during our residency at Manhattan General," Derek answered, smiling at the memory. "Leni was probably just about your age in this picture, Elle. Addie, wasn't this when we were monitoring her seizures?"

Addison nodded. Strangely, it was slightly painful to look at that photograph. She remembered the moment perfectly; she had just finished her shift, so she had gone up to Leni's room to read her a bedtime story. Derek had suddenly shown up and decided that it was a picture perfect moment, although to this day she still wasn't sure where he'd gotten a camera. They had been so happy then; it wasn't to say that they weren't happy now, but things were different. Then, of course, change is always inevitable anyway.

"Oh, my God, Addie! You're practically a preschooler in this picture!" Kathleen, another of Derek's sisters, gasped as she looked over Addison's shoulder at the album. "And little Leni… it's a shame that Bill refused to let you guys adopt her, but I guess in the end, she had the final say in the matter anyway," she continued, smiling as she affectionately touched Elena's cheek.

"It's Addie and Elle," Hayden remarked as he looked at the photograph, his brand new toys in tow.

Meredith smiled and corrected, "No, Sweetheart. That's Addie and _Leni_. She was Elle's other mommy."

He paused for a moment, contemplating what he'd just been told. Finally, he questioned, "Two mommies?" When Meredith nodded, he asked, "Where is Leni?"

As Elena traced the image of Leni's face with her finger, she smiled and replied, "She's in Heaven and in my heart."

…

It wasn't long before Izzie found Alex sitting outside on the hood of the car, just staring out into nothingness; she was relieved that he hadn't left before she go the chance to explain. "Alex…" she began but again found herself at a loss for words. So instead, she simply handed him his coat and took a seat beside him. "What are you thinking?"

"Before we say anything else, just answer one question for me. If the girls aren't mine, then whose are they?" he demanded, looking as though he was about to burst into tears at any moment.

The question brought Izzie an overwhelming sense of relief; he hadn't even heard her story yet, and his anger wasn't about the revelation of Hannah at all. "Oh, God. Is that what you've been thinking? Alex, Lydia and Sophie are _definitely_ yours. I swear, when they're pouting or upset, they look exactly like you do right now. And they have your smile, too, not to mention a million other little things that remind me of you when I look at them. I've never cheated on you, Alex, and I never will because you're the only one I could ever want to be with."

For the first time in the past ten minutes, he was able to take a deep breath. His girls were still his girls; of course, he knew in his heart that biological relation or no, they would have been his daughters anyway. "Then what were you talking to George about?"

"Do you remember that phone call I got a few weeks ago from a young woman named Hannah Neilson?" she asked, and he nodded. She then took a deep breath and told him everything that she had been keeping inside for so long.

"You could've told me that, Izzie," he said when she had finished her story. "What made you feel like you couldn't tell me? I thought I was the kind of husband you could come to with your problems or worries or whatever. When did that change? Or have you never seen me that way at all?"

But she shook her head fervently and tightly wrapped her hand around his. "No, it's not that. I just… couldn't, okay? I didn't tell anyone about it until tonight."

"And still, you didn't tell me first."

"Alex, I—"

But he just stood up, letting go of her hand. "You know what? Just forget it for now. It's Christmas, and we've got two little girls in there who are probably wondering where the hell their parents are. So, let's just go back inside and we can deal with this later."

"You're still upset," she said as he started to walk back toward the house.

"What else am I supposed to be?"

…

When Alex and Izzie finally went back inside, everyone was already taking their seats at the dinner table. "Hey, you guys are just in time," Lexie smiled as she proceeded to chase after Molly's mischievous seven-year-old son, Mickey. "I'm not kidding, Michael Eric Thompson; I _will_ sedate you if you don't get back here right now," she threatened, and even Izzie and Alex couldn't hold in their smiles.

In order to accommodate so many people, there was a sort of makeshift arrangement of tables and chairs everywhere. There was no particular order to things and, truth be told, it was a little bit chaotic. However, despite that fact, there was nothing more perfect than this kind of Christmas.

"Alex, Izzie! Come see what Bill sent me," Elena waved them over. "It's a photo album of Leni. There are pictures of my mom and dad, too. Oh, and I think this might be my biological father here in this picture; I look a little like him, don't you think? And Mommy said this is Grandma Elena. Wasn't she beautiful?"

"She was gorgeous, Elle," Izzie smiled, and Alex seconded.

Lydia and Sophie were happily poking a slice of turkey with their forks when they noticed their parents had returned.

"Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy," Sophie said with a cheerful smile.

Alex smiled as he knelt beside his daughters and gave them each a kiss on the top of their head. "I love you two so much," he whispered.

"Love you, too, Daddy!" they both said simultaneously, warming his heart.

"Hey, you guys. You better in here before the food's all gone," Meredith called from the kitchen as she handed a plate to Molly. "Is everything okay?" she whispered so that only Izzie could hear. "Did you two sort everything out?"

But Izzie's expression was answer enough.

…

"Lizzie and Kathleen, you guys should sit on the couch beside Nancy and Amy," Meredith instructed some time later as she attempted to arrange everyone for the traditional Christmas photograph. "Kaitlyn and Lainey, each take a step toward your dad. And Charlie, can you hold Caleb because I can't see him behind everyone else. Brenna, why don't you go sit by Grandma, okay? And Daddy, why don't you hold Mia and Mickey?" She sighed, hoping she had everything perfect… or as perfect as you could get with that many people in one picture.

She set the timer and hurried to her position beside her husband, taking Hayden onto her lap. And, as the camera light began to blink rapidly, indicating seconds before the picture was taken, they all put on their best Christmas smiles.

In years to come when they would look at that photograph, they would remember many things. But most of all, they would recall that it was the last Christmas before everything changed.


	14. Chapter 14: Broken

_**Chapter Fourteen: Broken**_

_With everything in the past  
Fading faster and faster until it was gone  
Found out I was losing so much more than I knew all along  
Because everything I've been working for  
Was only worth nickels and dimes  
But if I had a minute for every hour that I've wasted  
I'd be rich in time, I'd be doing fine  
Without you I was broken  
But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side_

Jack Johnson

…

"I'm sorry, Elle. Did I wake you up?" Addison whispered as she noticed Elena's big green eyes staring back at her in the early morning light.

"No, I woke up on my own. I don't feel well, Mommy," the little girl said sleepily.

Addison sat on the edge of the bed and felt Elena's forehead; it was a bit warm, as far as she was concerned. Besides, Elena was hardly one to complain, so she knew that it was probably a little worse than it appeared to be. "I thought it was just exhaustion because we've been so busy lately, but these past few days in New York have been substantially less than hectic, and you're still not well. I haven't been feeling up to par myself lately, so when we get back to Seattle, we'll get some labs done at the hospital."

"Okay," Elena sighed, although the prospect of being potentially poked with needles didn't appeal very much at all.

"You should try to go back to sleep for a while. It's still three in the morning in Seattle," Addison smiled.

"I can't sleep," she answered, although she made no mention of the nightmares that had plagued her sleep for the past few days. Try as she might, she couldn't remember any detail of those terrible dreams, but the lingering feeling in the pit of her stomach was a reminder that they had, indeed, been dreamt. In fact, the only dream that she could remember from the past week was one of Leni, brief and fleeting, whispering to her that there would be a storm very soon. Elena had no idea what it meant, or if it meant anything at all, but she attributed it to the photo album that had been the focus of her attention since she received it.

"I'm gonna go take a quick shower and start getting ready. Try watching some TV," Addison suggested. "I hear that most six-year-olds like cartoons. And call room service and order whatever you want. We're having a late lunch today with Meg and Savvy, so we'll just have a big breakfast to settle things out." She paused and then remarked with a smile, "The crêpes here used to be _amazing._ Your dad and I would come here just for them; let's find out if they're still as good as they used to be."

Elena grinned as she tried to imagine a younger version of her parents laughing over breakfast. It was easier to picture them from years ago now that she had Leni's photographs, and she wondered if they had taken Leni here as well.

While her mother was in the shower, Elena picked up the phone and ordered breakfast like a pro. Her mother had always encouraged independence, and as a result, Elena was a very confident and capable child. She knew that she would need such skills to succeed as a surgeon and at life in general; however, no one could have predicted that her capabilities would be tested so soon.

A knock at the door surprised her a few minutes later; she knew that it couldn't be room service so soon. Nonetheless, she crawled out of bed and opened the door slightly to find a familiar-looking stranger standing before her. She didn't say a word, but the man smiled and knelt down at her eye-level.

"Hey, there. You must be Elena," he said charmingly, and when she nodded, he continued, extending his hand in greeting. "My name is Mark; it's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you from your aunts—especially Nancy."

Although she still didn't know very much about this man named Mark, he obviously knew her. And despite the fact that her mother had warned her not to talk to strangers—especially in a big city like New York—she could tell that he was there with good intentions.

"Is your mom around, Elena? I'd really like to speak to her for a minute if she is," he wondered, but before Elena could answer, Addison did.

"Oh. My. God," she said slowly and in disbelief, staring him right in the face as she stood in her white bathrobe, hair wrapped in a towel.

"Hey, Addie; you look good. Long time, no see," he grinned, rising back to his feet.

Elena noticed that her mother was substantially less happy to see him than he was to see her. The tone in Addison's voice was one that she didn't often use, and it made Elena very curious. Apparently, this Mark person was someone of importance.

"Elle, Sweetheart, I need to speak with this man outside for a minute; why don't you go finish up your homework?" Addison said stiffly, eyeing Mark cynically the entire time.

"It's all done. You helped me with it yesterday, remember?" Elena replied, her curiosity now piqued. Who was he? Where had she seen him before? And why in the world did her mother seem to want him gone so badly?

"Then study ahead; I expect you to know the first ten of next week's vocabulary words by the time I'm done," Addison instructed and sighed in exasperation as she followed Mark into the hallway.

For the most part, Elena usually did what she was instructed to do. However, her curiosity combined with the millions of questions flooding her thoughts was too much; quietly, she put her ear to the door and listened to the conversation in the hallway, desperate for answers that she was sure she wouldn't get otherwise.

"Mark, _what_ are you doing here?" Addison demanded.

"A little bird told me you were back in town for a few days," he replied, and they both knew very well that the "little bird" was named Nancy. "I can't believe you left in the first place. You hated Seattle."

"I didn't hate it; it just wasn't Manhattan. And Elle is so much happier in Seattle; I know it was hard on her to be so far from Derek."

"What about you, Addie? Are _you_ happy in Seattle?"

She nodded, and even he could tell that the look on her face was sincere. "Yes, I am. And you still haven't answered my question."

He sighed. "I miss you, Addison. It just doesn't feel right to be with anyone else but you. It's been years, and I should be over you by now, but I can't get you out of my head. Do you ever miss me?"

The truth was that sometimes she did. Sometimes she even thought that maybe she had really loved him, but she couldn't be completely sure. After all, he was Mark, and that completely changed the rules about everything. "No," she lied and watched his face fall. "And even if I did, I wouldn't be with you. It's too complicated, and Derek and I are finally at a place where the past is behind us. No good can come from those old feelings resurfacing, and I won't put myself or my daughter through that. We don't need complicated." With that, she turned and left him staring dejectedly at the door as it closed behind her.

"Mommy, who was that man?" Elena questioned, even more perplexed than she had been moments ago.

"Just a ghost of the past, Sweetheart," she answered and went to finish dressing.

All of a sudden, it hit Elena: She had seen Mark in a picture in the photo album! She quickly grabbed it off the table and hurried to catch up with Mark before it was too late. "Excuse me!" she called out, finally catching him as he waited for the elevator.

"I don't think your mom wants you talking to me," he said with a sad smile.

But Elena was determined. Opening up the photo album, she quickly found the photograph. It was the four of them—Leni sitting on Derek's shoulders, holding Addison's hand, and Mark with his arm playfully around Addison's shoulder. They all looked so happy and carefree, the same feeling in each of the other photographs.

"Whoa… that was a long time ago," he commented in surprise; obviously he hadn't expected that.

"You're in this picture. You were in Leni's life and in my mom's and dad's. So, who are you? And what happened?" she wondered.

He was taken aback by the six-year-old, by her desperate search for the answers to her questions. "I'm nobody you'd want to know, Peanut," he told her. "And as for what happened, I'm afraid it's not my place to say."

"But I _do_ want to know, Mark," she insisted. "Just tell me something. Anything. Please?"

With a _ding_, the elevator doors opened and he stepped inside. However, before they closed he said simply, "I'm just the guy that's in love with your mom."


	15. Chapter 15: Ballad in 2D

_**Chapter Fifteen: Ballad in 2-D**_

_Cut through the sky; it still looks overcast  
No edits when you're rewriting the past  
Maybe the rain will come and wash us clean  
Some things are better left unseen_

Bill Ricchini

…

When Derek spotted Meredith standing alone at the Nurses' Station, he smiled and stared for a moment. She was busy writing something in a patient's chart, looking as beautiful as she ever did. Maybe even more than she ever did. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, examining her every detail, from the way she tucked a misplaced lock of hair behind her ear to how her forehead crinkled in concentration as she paused to reread what she had just written.

Finally, he walked up to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and placing his chin on her shoulder, his cheek pressed gently next to hers. He breathed in the scent of lavender, which would forever remind him of her.

"You better not do that; my husband might see," she teased, knowing that it was him. She knew his touch by heart by now, and the way their bodies fit so perfectly together—like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle—was unmistakable.

"Hmm. Funny… you're very funny," he whispered, kissing her cheek and smiling as she laughed. "You free for lunch?"

"I might be," she answered, turning so that they were now face-to-face. His smile always got to her, even in the very beginning. That smile and those gorgeous blue eyes were her first memories of him.

"In that case, I will see you at twelve-thirty," he said with a wink, kissing her on the cheek before walking away.

With a loud sigh, Alex announced his presence. "So I see it's still all lovey-dovey in the Shepherd house."

"It would be all lovey-dovey in the Karev house if you'd stop acting like a four-year-old who couldn't have cookies before dinner," Meredith answered without hesitation. He had been moping around the hospital for the past two weeks. Not to mention the hours spent on the telephone with Izzie and George and even Cristina trying to figure out how to fix things. And the problem shouldn't have been Meredith's to fix; she had actually tried to stay out of the whole thing. But, as always, a problem for one of them inevitably came to involve them all; that was the blessing and curse of family.

"It's not like she overcharged on a credit card or something, Meredith. She freaking has another kid that she didn't tell me about. And I'm just supposed to pretend like it's nothing? Like the fact that she didn't tell me doesn't matter?" he demanded in frustration.

Meredith had done her best to be a supportive friend to both Alex and Izzie throughout their fight. She didn't like to take sides. However, she knew a thing or two about keeping secrets and could understand, maybe in a way that Alex couldn't, why Izzie had chosen to keep Hannah's existence from him. "Okay, so she didn't tell you. She didn't tell _anyone_ until that night, Alex. She was a scared kid who gave up her baby and has had to deal with that. And, if that's not enough, now that kid is back in her life. Did you ever think that maybe it's screwing with her emotions just the smallest bit? And to add onto that, her husband who promised to stand by her for better or worse, in case you've forgotten—and I was there and heard those words come out of your mouth—is being totally insensitive."

For a minute he just stood there in silence, staring at her as her words sank in. Of course, she was right. But the fact that she had stated it so point-blankly was a harsh realization. "Dude, you're mean. If I wanted to get yelled at, I'd go home."

"As your friend, it's my job to point out when you're being an ass. I take that job very seriously," she replied, grinning. "By the way, in case you didn't catch the subtlety, you're being an ass about this."

"What's your problem?" Cristina questioned as she approached them, Lillian asleep in her arms. "You look like Meredith killed your puppy or something."

"Mommy Meredith just yelled at me and put me in time out," Alex answered, still pouting a little bit. But he knew that with her harshness, Meredith was really only looking out for him and his marriage. She was right; it was their job to keep one another in line, and he was thankful for the friendship. He then turned his attention to the sleeping child in Cristina's arms. It was time for another post-op checkup, and since Addison was in New York, it became Alex's responsibility.

Cristina handed her daughter into her friends arms, and she followed them into an exam room. On the way, Lillian woke up and stared up at Alex in deep concentration for a minute. "Morning, Lily," he smiled, and she cooed in response.

"You're like 'The Baby Whisperer' or something, Evil Spawn," Cristina teased. "She usually freaks out when she first wakes up from her nap. I guess she's just not a good judge of character."

"Lillian, don't grow up to be like your mom. She's a nutcase," Alex told the little girl as he placed her onto the exam table. "Okay, let's have a look at that scar."

"Oh, the scar's fine. It's basically healed," Cristina replied, and Alex gave her an "I'm the doctor; you're the mother" look. "What? I brought her in for a checkup, didn't I? You and Izzie seriously need to make up or whatever because you are in need of getting laid. You're so grumpy."

Normally, Alex would have quipped some smart-aleck reply right back, but something else caught his attention. A small lump over one of Lillian's ribs was concerning. "I think we're going to need to do a biopsy and a CT," he said, trying to be calm.

"Oh, God, Alex," Cristina gasped, all of those feelings of terror rushing back to her. "You think the tumor is back?"

He sighed; it was hard to tell his friend this kind of news. "The original tumor was benign, and we've caught this early. It'll be okay, Cristina," he said, handing Lillian to her mother.

"Yeah, it'll be fine," she whispered, holding her daughter tightly. "Everything will be okay."

…

When Alex arrived home from the hospital that evening, he wasn't surprised to come back to a dark, still house. It was late, and he knew the girls were asleep by now; chances were, Izzie was, too.

Since Christmas Eve, things just hadn't been the same around the Karev house. There had been many sleepless nights for the two people who once swore that they would never go to bed angry. It hurt him so badly to lie next to her at night and not be able to just ramble on about the insignificant details that she listened to so attentively. It hurt not to be able to hold her next to him and listen to her slowing breathing as she fell asleep It was so painful to cross her in the hallway and not be able to say what he was feeling; it was so hard not to have the words to say what he was feeling.

He walked quietly to the girls' room to give them a good-night kiss, but to his surprise, their beds were empty. Izzie's car was in the garage, so he knew that she was home. She was upset, but she would never take the girls and just… leave.

Alex breathed a sigh of relief as he stood in the doorway of his bedroom and saw the three of them, cuddled together and fast asleep. They were all so breathtakingly beautiful, and he smiled because he knew just how fortunate he was. For better or worse, he would never have changed a moment because every moment had led him here.

He knew that Meredith had been right; he'd known that even before they'd spoken. Finally, he decided, it was time to put his pride away and be the rock that his wife and children needed him to be. After all, his job was to keep them safe and to love them, no matter what.

Gingerly, he leaned over and kissed each of his daughters on the cheek. However, as he gently kissed Izzie's lips, her brown eyes fluttered open, and she smiled up at him, just barely awake. "I didn't mean to wake you. Just wanted to let you know I was home," he whispered.

"Are you hungry? I could make you something for dinner," she offered sleepily, though now fully awake.

But Alex shook his head and replied, "That's all right; I'll throw together something. You just go back to sleep, okay?"

"Alex, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Hannah sooner. I was wrong not to say anything," Izzie apologized. Earlier that day, she, too, had decided that she would rather be wrong than be without him. If the past few weeks had been a glimpse as to what her life would have been like without him, then she never wanted to experience the real thing.

"No, Iz… I was wrong, and I'm the one who should be sorry. I was a jerk, and I had no right to act the way I did. I just…" He started to say but again found himself struggling to find the words. With a sigh, he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I don't know why I've been this way. I guess I always thought that if something that big was going on in your life, you'd come to me. If you're hurting, I want the chance to help make it better. And even if I can't, I don't want you to hurt alone."

"Let's never fight again, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded. "So, do you have any other kids I should know about?"

No," she said, rolling her eyes. But she was smiling. "Wanna help me put the girls back in their beds? Apparently, Sophie convinced Lydia that there was a purple sheep living in their closet that would eat them. Or something."

But he just smiled and said, "Let them stay."

"Seriously?"

He nodded and grinned. "I don't want them to get eaten by a purple sheep."

"You make a good point, Dr. Karev," she laughed, a sound that he had gone entirely too long without hearing. "Are you coming to bed?"

"In a minute. I have a few things to do first."

"Okay. I love you, Alex."

He kissed her cheek and whispered back, "I love you, too, Iz."

Downstairs, he fumbled through a stack of papers by the phone until he found the one he'd been looking for, the one with Hannah's name and number written hastily in his own handwriting.

Obviously, Hannah was going to be a part of Izzie's life, and would consequently be a part of his life, too. It was time for him to do his part, to take the initiative to be supportive and understanding. After all, if Hannah was part of Izzie, then he knew that she had to be amazing.

"_Hello?"_ her cheerful voice answered on the other line.

"Hannah, this is Alex Karev. Izzie's husband."

There was a brief pause. _"Alex? Hi! It's so good to hear from you." _It was easy to recognize the mixed excitement and gratitude in her voice._ "Is everything okay? You and Izzie and the twins? Everyone's fine, right?"_

He hadn't realized it the first time they'd spoken, but she sounded just like Izzie. "Yeah, everyone's great," he answered, already feeling himself starting to open up. "I don't want to keep you for too long, but I just wanted to call and say hi. And, um… to let you know that if you ever find yourself in Seattle, we should all get together and do something. You know, the whole family."

"_Thank you, Alex,"_ she whispered, and he knew that his acceptance had truly meant more to her than she could say.

…

Over 100 reviews. Have I mentioned that you guys are amazing? You guys are amazing! Seriously, thanks so much to everyone who reads and reviews.

I hope you enjoyed the (somewhat) happy fluff of this chapter; I figured it was time for one of those. Because, as you've probably guessed by now, I love writing drama. It's fun. And starting next chapter… well, you'll see.


	16. Chapter 16: Breathe 2am

**_Chapter Sixteen: Breathe (2 a.m.)_**

'_Cause you can't jump the track  
__We're like cars on a cable  
__And life's like an hourglass  
__Glued to the table  
__No one can find the rewind button, girl  
__So cradle your head in your hands  
__And breathe  
__Just breathe_

Anna Nalick

…

"There you are," Preston said upon discovering Cristina sitting in the empty surgical gallery. The past few days had revolved around watching their baby get stuck by needles and being sedated while huge machines took pictures of her insides. It was possibly the most difficult part of being a doctor—standing by helpless, unable to do what years of schooling and training had given them the capabilities to do.

"I just needed to go somewhere quiet for a minute," she sighed, and Preston nodded and sat down beside her. "I saw that you're scheduled for a CABG at two."

"I've already put your name down on the board," he smiled. Most couples he knew bonded over moonlight walks or candlelit dinners. But for Cristina and himself, it was surgery. Even their very first date had come to involve a surgery. Because, in the OR, the world seemed to disappear, leaving only them, even if only for a moment. And that moment was theirs alone.

"Thanks."

He smiled. "You're welcome." Even after all their years together, Cristina still had trouble saying what she felt. But he had come to learn that if he waited long enough, she would open up. Of course, he already knew what was on her mind; after all, Lillian's test results had been troubling him, too. However, when she leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder, he knew that she would soon start to pour her heart out. And, of course, he would be right there to listen and reassure her.

With a heavy sigh, Cristina confessed, "I never thought it would be one of our kids, you know? We see this kind of thing all the time, but it's always other people's kids… not ours. I mean, there's no history of this in either of our families; the boys never even get colds."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder reassuringly. There was a certain, inevitable feeling of invincibility that came with being a surgeon. It was strange because it would seem as though dealing with death every day would force them to face their own mortality; however, the fact that it was always someone else gave them a sense that it couldn't ever be them. He wanted to promise that it would all be okay, but he was just as unsure and troubled as she was. "Deep breaths," he whispered, the only advice he could offer at the moment.

…

"Come on, Elle; it's not _that_ bad," Addison attempted to coax the six-year-old out from under the exam table. Elena was usually very compliant—except when it came to needles. She also knew that Elena's mind probably would have been more at ease had she been doing the procedure, but Addison never could bear the thought of hurting her child, even with something as small as drawing her blood.

"I feel better now, Mommy. I really do," she insisted, followed by a hacking cough that made even Addison wince; before they had left for the hospital, Elena had also been running fever.

"No, you don't, Elena Amélie; in case you've forgotten, I _did_ go to medical school. Please come out, Sweetheart. I have to get some tests of my own done today—a mammogram and blood tests, to be exact. I'll even go first to show you that it isn't bad," she offered, and Elena poked her head out from under the table.

With a slightly interested look, she questioned, "You're gonna draw your own blood?"

However, Addison stood and whispered something to a passing nurse. Then she turned to Elena and smiled, "No, your dad is going to do it."

"You paged? Is everything okay?" Derek asked as he arrived only moments later. When he spotted Elena under the table, he wondered, "What's going on?"

Handing him a pair of gloves, she replied, "You're going to take a blood sample."

"From Elle?"

But she grinned and shook her head. "No, from me. I want to show Elle that it doesn't hurt because I need to get a sample from her. She's been coming down with something for a few weeks now, and it hasn't gotten better. So… that means I need to figure out what it is to know how to fix it," she explained, looking straight at Elena as she spoke the last sentence.

In truth, she knew that Elena was very susceptible to all kinds of things; Leni had been a very ill child. The thought of something being really wrong with her daughter terrified Addison, and if it _was_ something, she wanted to catch it early. Elena hated undergoing the whole testing process every time she had more than just a cold, but Addison was determined to be safe instead of sorry.

"All right," he agreed, putting on the gloves. "Come get a closer look at this, Princess. There's nothing to be afraid of." He then began his step-by-step explanation of what was happening, as Elena watched wide-eyed and eager to learn. "This is called a tourniquet. You tie it around the patient's arm just like this, and it makes the vein sort of stick out so that it's easier to find. See? There it is."

"Whoa, that's cool. I didn't know that happened. Usually when the nurse takes my blood, I keep my eyes closed," she told him, and he smiled.

"Next, you have to sterilize the area by wiping it with an alcohol swab. And this," he said, holding up the tiny tube, "is called a vacutainer. The blood is going to go from her arm into this tube."

Elena tightly took hold to her mother's free hand and winced empathetically as Derek stuck the needle into her arm. However, when she noticed that her mother hadn't so much as flinched, she looked at Addison and smiled. "Good job, Daddy. And Mommy, you're very brave. Does it hurt, even a little?"

But as Derek taped a piece of cotton gauze to her arm, Addison smiled and revealed, "Hardly even a pinch. When your dad and I were in medical school, he couldn't do this right for _anything_, so we practiced for weeks until he got it." She paused briefly, looked Derek in the eye, and said in mock seriousness, "The things I did for you, Derek Shepherd. I must have looked like a junkie half the time."

"It was all for the better good," he winked. In a lot of ways, the relationship that he had with Addison now was a lot like the one they'd had in medical school, minus the romance. It was definitely nice to be able to be friends with her again because they'd had so many good memories over the years that were just too hard to forget.

"Okay, Sweetie, it's your turn," Addison told Elena. "Daddy will do it, okay?"

"All right," she finally agreed, feeling much braver now. As she took a seat in the chair where her mother had been sitting only a moment ago, she took a deep breath and held out her arm.

"And we're done," Derek said a moment later. "I'm proud of you, Princess. If your mom says it's all right, I think you deserve a treat for being such a brave girl."

They both looked at Addison, who couldn't help but say yes. At the same time, her pager went off, and Derek volunteered to keep Elena with him until she got back. As she walked out the door, she added, "Nothing too big; I don't want to spoil her lunch because she hasn't been eating very well."

"She worries _so_ much," Elena remarked when her mother had gone. "Really, I'm okay."

Derek sighed and scooped Elena up into his arms. "She worries because she loves you."

"But you love me, too, and you don't have me poked with needles every single time I cough," the little girl remarked. "I know Leni was sick a lot, but it doesn't mean I am, too. I've never even had the flu before, and I know I had surgeries when I was a baby, but that isn't even a problem anymore."

"Part of being a parent is wanting to keep your kid safe from everything. If it was up to your mom and me, nothing bad would ever happen to you," he told her as they walked down the hall. "But the thing is that, no matter how much we want to keep you save, eventually there'll come a time when we can't. So for now, while we can, we will. Make sense?"

Elena nodded and rested her head on her father's shoulder. "It does," she whispered.

…

"You paged?" Addison questioned as she met Alex in Radiology.

"What do you see?" he asked, pointing to a CT scan.

Addison leaned in and stared at it for a moment. However, she soon shook her head and answered, "I don't see anything."

"What about this one?" he questioned, pointing to another scan.

But it was just as clean as the first. "Karev, I don't see _anything_ on either of these," she told him, beginning to grow exasperated with the questions that were seemingly getting them nowhere.

"Me either," he said, but he was grinning ear to ear. "These are Lillian Burke's scans. They're clean; there's no tumor… nothing at all. She's fine."

"You should let Cristina and Preston know right away, then," Addison told him, now smiling as well. "There's nothing like being able to tell parents that their child is going to be all right."

A few moments later, Cristina and Preston were both making their way to the first floor. Both knew that in a matter of moments, their lives were going to change, one way or another. But when Cristina's eyes met Alex's smiling face, she was truly able to breathe for the first time in days.

"Are you smiling for the reason I want you to be smiling?" she questioned shakily, and when he nodded, she threw her arms around his shoulders and embraced him in a very un-Christina-like manner. "So, she's really okay?" she questioned in disbelief.

"Yeah, she's a perfectly healthy little girl. I don't know what I felt, but whatever it was isn't what I thought. You can look at the scans for yourself if you want," Alex confirmed.

Cristina had now moved to her husband's embrace. "She's okay," she whispered, tears of relief beginning to flow down her cheeks.

"She's okay," Preston repeated softly in confirmation.

…

"My poor baby," Addison said laughingly when she discovered Elena curled up in a chair, half-asleep, being watched over by Nurse Debbie at the Nurses' Station. "Come on, Sweetheart; let's go get the test results, and then it's home and straight to bed."

"Can I sleep with you tonight, Mommy?" she wondered, yawning as she took her mother by the hand.

"Of course you can," she agreed. Feeling Elena's forehead, she remarked, "You still have a little fever, but it's much better than this morning. How are you feeling? The truth."

"My head hurts a little and my throat is kind of scratchy, but mostly, I'm just sleepy," the little girl answered, and Addison knew that Elle would probably be asleep even before they made it home.

"I need the labs for 'Montgomery, Addison' and 'Montgomery-Shepherd, Elena,' please," she requested a few moments later and took the two folders that were handed to her. "Now, let's see what's been going on with us," she smiled and opened up the first folder. However, the smile quickly faded from her face as she reflexively dropped it onto the ground as though it had suddenly caught fire. And, in a figurative sort of way, it had.

…

_I know I must be killin' you guys with the cliffhangers. But that's half the fun, right?_


	17. Chapter 17: Sky Is Falling

**_Chapter Seventeen: Sky Is Falling_**

_I'm alive, but tell me am I free  
I've got eyes, but tell me can I see  
The sky is falling and no one knows  
We shouldn't be hard to believe  
Shouldn't be this difficult to breathe  
The sky is falling and no one knows_

Lifehouse

…

"Elena Amélie Montgomery-Shepherd… Go. To. Sleep," Addison said to her daughter, who was sitting upright in her bed staring at her, just as she had been doing for the past three hours.

"I'm not sleeping until you tell me what's wrong."

"I already told you it was nothing," she replied, but she knew that Elena would keep asking until she was answered. However, it wasn't something that Addison felt like discussing at the moment, and she knew better than to jump to conclusions before she was absolutely certain. Although, it was pretty hard to miss what had been so obvious.

"Is something wrong with me? If something's wrong with me, I should know about it, don't you think?" she questioned.

With a sigh, she sat up and looked Elena in the eye. "According to your chest x-ray and your blood test, you have acute bronchitis. Luckily, we caught it before it turned into pneumonia, although it's bordering. I've started you on a course of antibiotics, and you'll be good as new in about two weeks. Of course, if you don't sleep, then it'll take longer."

"Then is something wrong with you?"

"I thought I saw something, but I misread the test results," she insisted for the hundredth time. "And you say _I'm_ the worrier? You're going to give yourself a stroke by ten years old, Elle."

Elena grinned. "Wonder where I got it? And strokes happen when a brain artery gets clogged. Daddy told me."

"Come here, you," Addison laughed and took her little girl into her arms as Elena giggled. There was nothing in the world like holding your child in your arms and relishing the moments when they were still children. From the very first moment that Elena had been her daughter, she promised herself that no matter what, she would never hurt her child… that she would be the kind of mother that she had wished for.

However, she wondered now whether or not keeping a secret like this was for better or worse.

…

"Thanks again for keeping her. I hate dragging her to the hospital when she's sick, and I've got back-to-back surgeries all day," Addison said to Meredith when she arrived at their house later that morning.

"It's no trouble at all," Meredith insisted. "Aida isn't feeling well, either, so I was staying home anyway. And Elle is always so easy to look after."

Elena, who was fast asleep in her mother's arms, was draped in her winter coat although still in her pajamas as indicated by the fuzzy pink slippers on her feet. It also looked as though it was going to rain soon, and Addison was glad that they had gotten there before the storm began.

"I've packed her a change of clothes and her schoolwork in case she's feeling up to it later. She'll probably sleep for most of the day, though, because I couldn't get her to sleep last night," Addison began. "Her antibiotics are also in the bag, and I've written down the dosages; she's good about taking them, so you shouldn't have any trouble. Am I forgetting anything?"

But Meredith shook her head. "You can always call if you remember," she smiled, taking both the bag and the sleeping little girl into her arms. "We'll be fine, and I'll call you if there's any change."

"Okay, then," she nodded and ran her hand gently over Elena's dark hair before turning to leave. However, the only procedures in which she would be involved that day were her own.

…

When Addison arrived at Seattle Grace, she immediately went to the OR board. Of course, she wasn't scheduled for any surgeries because she was technically not working that day. However, her eyes scanned over each name until she discovered that Derek's wasn't on the board, either.

"Hey, Dr. Montgomery," Lexie smiled as she approached Addison. "Anything good today?"

"No, I don't have anything today. But if you tell me where I can find Derek, I'll let you in on whatever I get tomorrow," she offered, and Lexie's face lit up eagerly.

"Oh, thank God. If I have to spend another day in the pit, I'm going to lose my mind," she grinned and reported, "The last time I saw him, he was headed up to room twenty-seventy-eight to check on a patient. He's probably still in there—twelve year old girl in a coma for the past three days… really sad."

"Thank you, Lexie," Addison waved as she started off to find Derek.

Just as Lexie had said, Derek was in room twenty-seventy-eight, sitting in a chair by the bedside of a young girl surrounded by tubes and machines. He didn't notice her standing there and continued speaking to the child as though she were awake and listening to every word.

After a minute, however, he looked up and saw her standing there, smiling at him. "Hey. Kayla and I were just hanging out, but I'm sure she won't mind if you join us," he offered.

For an instant, Addison forgot why she was there and focused her attention on the little girl lying motionless in the bed. "What happened to her?"

"Her mother's boyfriend was high on… something, I don't know what, and shot her before shooting her mother and himself. We just got in touch with her father today; her mom took her when she was Hayden's age, and he hasn't been able to find her until now," he sighed, and the story broke Addison's heart.

She could _never_ imagine putting a child through that; her own childhood had been less than perfect, but it was practically a dream compared to what some children went thought. "This poor little girl. Do you think she'll make it?"

"I hope so. She's regulating her own body temperature and she isn't brain-dead, so there's a chance. The sooner she wakes up, the better, though," he answered and then wondered, "Did you need something?"

Suddenly, Addison remembered what she had come to ask. "Derek… I need a favor," she requested hesitantly.

The tone of her voice caught his attention; it wasn't like her to be tentative about anything, and the way she was asking was cause for concern. "Okay. What kind of favor?"

No matter what happened, she was determined to be brave. Or at least not to panic until she knew for sure. Of course, a part of her didn't even want to know, but it wasn't something to ignore. With a deep breath, she looked him in the eye and revealed, "Yesterday, I had a mammogram done and it showed that there's a mass in my left breast. I have a biopsy scheduled for later this morning, and… well, it would make me feel better if you were in there with me. As a friend, you know?"

"Addison," he whispered in alarm, the worry beginning to overcome him. He knew it could be nothing, but from her voice, he got the feeling that she didn't believe that it was nothing. "Yeah, of course I'll be there."

…

"Mommy?" Elena called out sleepily as Meredith went to check on her a while later. She had put the little girl in their bedroom so that she wouldn't be disturbed as she was dealing with Aida.

"It's just me," she whispered.

"Meredith," she realized and then looked around in confusion. "How did I get to your house?"

She smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Your mom brought you a few minutes ago, so that means you're stuck with me for the day. Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, I'm okay," she answered as a chill overtook her tiny body.

Meredith pulled back the covers and climbed in next to Elena, who smiled and put her head on her stepmother's shoulder. In all honestly, she had never really pictured herself becoming a mother; she had been sure that she would be a lost cause when it came to children of her own because she'd had no example to follow.

However, she vividly remembered the first time it had been just the two of them. She and Derek were visiting in New York. Addison had an emergency at the hospital, and Derek had gone to get more baby formula. Of course, Meredith had been a nervous wreck at the prospect of the tiny baby being her sole responsibility, even if only for an hour. But when Elena looked up at her with her bright green eyes and smiled, Meredith knew that they would be just fine. And they had been just fine ever since.

"Meredith, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you can."

She paused for a moment before she said, "You can't tell Mommy or Daddy I asked about this. _Especially_ not Daddy. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, although she was a little worried. Elena rarely asked her things that she was so adamant about her parents not knowing.

"A man named Mark came to see Mommy in New York, but she wouldn't tell me about it and said not to tell Daddy. Do you know who that man was?"

Of course Meredith knew exactly about whom Elena was speaking: Mark Sloan. He had been Derek's best friend for years before he and Addison had been caught having an affair. Mark had been the reason Derek left New York. In a strange way, Mark had been part of the reason that she and Derek had ended up together in the first place. "He used to be your parents' friend back when they lived in New York."

"Why aren't they friends anymore?"

Meredith sighed. "Sometimes things happen that cause people not to be friends anymore. Sometimes people make mistakes," she answered vaguely, feeling that it wasn't her right to say more than that.

…

As soon as Derek walked into the room with the test results in his hand, Addison knew. "I called Meredith to let her know that you needed Elle to stay at our house for the night," he said, taking a seat beside her. "And I want you to know that I'm here for you, okay? Whatever you need, I'm here."

She nodded somberly and admitted, "Deep down, I knew I was sick, Derek. I'm a _doctor_. I don't know why I didn't have this checked earlier, but now… If I was afraid before, then now I'm terrified." As she attempted to continue, her panicked tears obstructed her words. "All I can think about is Elle… It isn't fair that she's going to have to go through this, Derek. She's already been through so much. It isn't fair!"

Reassuringly, he put his arm around her, and she suddenly let go and began to sob into his shoulder. "Shh… It'll all be okay. We'll get through this, all right?" he whispered, but the truth was that he was terrified, too.

"You can't tell anyone about this, Derek. Promise."

"Addie, you have to talk to Elle about this eventually. I don't wanna scare you, but this is a big deal. This is going to affect all of our lives, and you can't hide something like this from her."

She nodded, fully acknowledging that she knew that what Derek was saying was right. "I will. I'll tell her soon. I just need some time to think… I need to figure out how to say it. I mean… how are you supposed to tell your six-year-old that you might be dying?"


	18. Chapter 18: The City Lights

**_Chapter Eighteen: The City Lights_**

_  
So have you been to a place like this?  
To see your breath as it paints against the sky  
Feeling so right and things will run  
The fever is near  
I wish you were here_

Umbrellas

…

Elena looked around for a moment in confusion; she had never seen this place before. And although she was alone, she didn't feel afraid… only curious. Wherever she was, it was beautiful. She was in a garden, surrounded by flowers of every color she could have ever imagined and trees with leaves holding dewdrops that made them sparkle like a million tiny diamonds. She didn't know where she was, but she never wanted to leave.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

The little girl turned around and smiled when she found herself looking into Leni's face. In a way, it was like looking in to her own; they had the same dark curls, the same green eyes, and the same smile. Elena knew that Leni had always planned on giving her to Addison and Derek, but she often wished that she had at least gotten to know her. Of course, she understood why Leni had made the choice she had. "Leni," she whispered and ran to wrap her arms around her waist. However, she knew now that it was only a dream.

"We don't have much time, Elle, but there's something very important that I need to tell you," she whispered, and Elena was sure that she was practically glowing.

"Can't I stay here with you for a while, Leni? Please? Just for a little while," she pleaded. "Something isn't right at home, and I feel like I'm in the way." For the past week, she had felt like nothing but a burden; her mother was ill with the stomach flu, so she had been staying with Derek and Meredith. Normally, she wouldn't have given it a second thought. However, her father had been working late almost every night, and Elena could tell that something was on Meredith's mind, although her stepmother never mentioned anything to her.

But Leni just smiled reassuringly and put her hand to Elena's cheek. "They need you, Elle. They might be adults, but they need you there to take care of them. It's why I gave you to them, my love. I know that you don't understand why right now, but in time, you will."

"Can you just tell me now? What's going on?"

"Just remember that no matter what happens, there is a reason for everything, all right? Be strong for them and look after them," she whispered.

"But, Leni…" Elena started to say when everything started to shake and the garden and Leni faded away in a flash. Before she knew it, she was back in her classroom, with her teacher, Ms. Meyer, smiling gently back at her.

"Elle, you don't look like you feel very well. William, would you please walk with Elena to the Nurse's Office?" she requested, and both children nodded and walked out the room.

"Hey, Elle, you should ask if you can come over to my house tonight," William said as they walked along.

But she shook her head. "You know my mommy never lets me stay the night anywhere on a school night."

However, he reminded her, "But you're staying with your dad. I bet if you ask Meredith to ask him to let you come, he'll say yes."

"I'll ask about this weekend," she told him, and he smiled. The truth was that she would have loved to stay at her best friend's house; Aunt Miranda and Uncle Tucker, as she called them, always made her feel so at home. And she loved to listen to all the stories that Dr. Bailey would tell about the early days of everyone at Seattle Grace.

Elena smiled when the arrived at the Nurse's Office and saw that Nurse Olivia was working today. She was definitely the nicest, and Elena liked her the most because she knew her parents and always took special care of her.

"If it isn't my two little peas in a pod," Olivia smiled when she saw Elena and William; at school, the two were practically inseparable. "Elle, are you still feeling bad? Your mother and father _and_ Meredith all called to tell me that you weren't feeling well but insisted on being back at school anyway." Immediately, she put a thermometer in Elena's mouth and shook her head when she read the temperature. "One hundred point four. Not too bad, but I still think you should go home and rest. Who should I call?"

"Izzie," the little girl answered. "Mommy is sick, and Daddy and Meredith are probably in surgery. They said to call Izzie if I wasn't feeling well."

"William, could you please go get Elle's things?" Olivia requested, and he nodded and did as he was asked.

However, as she was looking through Elena's file to find the number, George passed by and noticed his friends' daughter inside. "Is everything okay, Elle?"

"I just have a little fever and three very overprotective parents," she grinned.

"That's good. I hope you feel better soon," he smiled. "Olivia… hi."

"Hey, George," she said simply.

Elena, of course, took note of how painfully awkward the moment was. Fortunately, she was able to keep her giggles inside, but she wondered exactly why they looked at one another in such a strange way. She was sure that Alex would be her best bet at finding out; he loved to tell her embarrassing things about all the others.

"Seriously," she heard Olivia mumble under her breath as George walked away, but she knew better than to say anything.

…

Stage three cancer.

She had seen the test results; she knew that it wasn't just some cruel joke. And yet, it hadn't really begun to sink in yet. Even as the needle pierced her vein—that horrible little needle that delivered the necessary dose of chemotherapy with side effects possibly worse than the cancer itself—it still didn't feel real. Almost, but not quite.

Eventually, she would need surgery; she had decided on a mastectomy because she wanted to fight her cancer full-force. Chemo, to shrink the tumor; then surgery to remove it. After that, a combination of chemo and radiation. Then, they would wait. She knew the routine; yet somehow it still wasn't real. But with every passing moment and every passing thought, it became a little harder to breathe and a little more painful to think.

She hadn't even considered the possibility of never seeing her baby girl graduate from high school and college and medical school, should she grow up to follow in her parents' footsteps. Or to never see Elena all dressed in white with Derek walking her down the aisle on her wedding day. Never holding her newborn grandchild. She was _supposed_ to be around for all those things. Slowly but surely, the true weight of the situation was creeping up on her.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek wondered.

And Addison smiled. Just like he had promised, he had been there for her through everything. She didn't know how he balanced looking after her and Elena and Meredith and their children. But nonetheless, she was more grateful than she could ever say. "I'm thinking about Elle. I miss her so much, but I don't want her to see me this way. I don't want her to be afraid."

He sighed. He didn't agree with keeping the cancer a secret from everyone, especially his daughter. But it wasn't his illness, and it wasn't his decision. "She's all right; we're taking good care of her, so don't worry."

A moment later, the treatment was done, and Derek helped Addison out the door and into an empty conference room. "We'll just sit in here for a minute until you feel all right, and then I'll call you a cab. Unless you'd rather I drove you home," he offered.

What Addison meant to reply was that she was fine, that she could look after herself. However, instead, the tears began to pour down her cheeks and she started to sob uncontrollably. At that moment, it hit her. "Promise me you'll take good care of her, Derek. Promise me that no matter what, you'll tuck her in every night and always tell her that no dream is too big to chase. And on her wedding day, I want you to tell her—" she started to ramble, almost incoherently between her tears, when Derek interrupted.

"Addison, stop talking like you're dying, okay? It's like you're giving up before you've even started fighting."

"Some people survive this, and some don't, Derek. I need to be sure that if I don't, Elena will still be able to keep all the things that I wanted to tell her along the way. If I'm not around for all those big moments in her life, I want her to know that I was thinking about them anyway," she whispered, sounding very much like a frightened child.

"You'll be here to tell her yourself, Addie. You're a fighter, and this is a fight that we'll win," he assured her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder, just as she had done before.

However, through the window, Alex watched the two of them in perplexity. He knew that they had a secret, and as Derek kissed Addison atop the head and smiled, he wondered just what that secret might be.

…

"Hey, Green Eyes," Alex smiled when he got home that evening and discovered Elena curled up on the sofa watching TV. "Anything good on?" he wondered as he took a seat beside her.

She shrugged. "Just a documentary on the lives of seahorses. It's okay." Then an impish grin overcame her face as she casually said, "Today Nurse Olivia was in charge of the Nurse's Office, and I got sent there 'cause I'm sick. Well, while I was there, George saw me and came to check on me. But when he saw Nurse Olivia, it got really weird and they both kind of… stared at one another like they didn't know what to say. Do you know why?"

Alex couldn't help but laugh. He hadn't known Leni for more than a few months, but he was almost positive that she was just like this as a young child. Elena was such an observant person, and with her observation came endless questions. However, Alex didn't mind answering them for her when no one else would. "Uh… It's probably because they used to date, back when we were interns. It ended weird, you know?"

"I think he still likes her," Elena replied. "He needs to ask her on a date or something. You should tell Izzie to tell him; he'll listen to her."

"I'll mention it," Alex answered laughingly.

"Hey, you're home," Izzie smiled and kissed her husband on the cheek. "Meredith has the girls, so either she'll come drop them off or you can bring Elle," she reported, placing her hand to the little girl's forehead once more. "I think your fever is gone now."

"It would be easier for me to bring Elle than to have Meredith haul four kids here," Alex reasoned as he helped Elena put on one shoe while she took care of the other. He then slung her backpack over his shoulder and took her by the hand. "Be back in a little while," he told Izzie as she walked them to the door.

"It was fun having you today, Elle," Izzie smiled as she buttoned up Elena's coat.

"'Bye, Izzie. Thanks for taking care of me," the little girl returned.

Right as they were walking out the door, Alex turned around as he remembered, "Iz, Elle wants you to tell George to ask Olivia out. Apparently, she saw sparks or something."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," he grinned as they headed for the car.

Ten minutes later, they arrived at Derek and Meredith's house, where Meredith met them at the door with a smile. "Hey, Sweetie, why don't you go inside and get warmed up, okay? Early to bed for you tonight; I'm determined to get you better," she told Elena, and the child nodded obediently. To Alex, she reported, "The girls fell asleep about half an hour ago, so I think they're pretty much out for the night. Oh, and they've had dinner."

"So, all's quiet on the Western Front, then?" he teased as he followed her upstairs to get Lydia and Sophie.

"Yeah… the kids are all asleep, and Derek is working late again tonight, so it's a quiet night," she nodded. "He's been working so much this week that I've hardly seen him… not even at the hospital, really."

Alex sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt one of his dearest friends, but he knew that if he didn't say anything, she would be hurting much worse when the truth came out. "Meredith, you and I are pretty good friends, right? I mean, we're basically family."

"Of course," she agreed, completely unaware just where he was going with this.

"So, we're supposed to tell one another things… even things that might be painful to hear but need to be said. Right?"

"Alex, tell me what's going on."

"I might be wrong about this, all right, but I think you should know," he answered and paused for a moment as she waited breathlessly for his words.


	19. Chapter 19: Never Leave Your Heart Alone

**_Chapter Nineteen: Never Leave Your Heart Alone_**

_Run for shelter  
An umbrella fights the rain but not the wind  
And I'd be silly to start preaching  
'Cause I don't know which point to make  
The moral to the story goes  
Never leave your heart  
In a box  
Locked up  
With cold, cold ice  
Never leave your heart  
Never leave your heart alone_

Butterfly Boucher

…

"Elena, what are you doing up there? We're gonna be late!" Addison called up to her daughter from the bottom of the stairs. But suddenly, a wave of nausea overcame her, and she had to sit down for a moment to regain her composure. It was so hard to act normally despite the way she was feeling. But she knew that Elena was noticing that things were different; she would have to tell her soon.

"Sorry, I couldn't find my other shoe," the little girl explained, hurrying downstairs. "Are you okay? I thought your stomach flu was gone."

Addison nodded and put on her best smile. "I guess I'm just still a little tired, but it's nothing to worry about."

"All right," she replied in a tone that said she didn't believe a word of it. "And Meredith is coming to pick me up from school today?"

"And she will drop you off at ballet, then your dad will pick you up afterward and bring you here," Addison finished as she tucked a strand of stray hair behind Elena's ear. "Perfect. How in the world did I ever get such an amazing daughter? How did I get so lucky?"

But instead of quipping back some playful remark, Elena just looked her mother in the eye and wrapped her arms around Addison's neck. "I love you, Mommy," she whispered, nearly bringing Addison to tears. She was sure it was just her imagination, but it almost sounded like a good-bye of sorts.

"I love you, too, Sweetheart," she managed to answer, never wanting to let Elena out of her arms. And despite everything Addison was going through—and everything that was to come—her only solace was that it wasn't Elena who was sick. She knew that it was probably a little bit selfish, but the thought of losing another child was just too much to deal with. And Addison knew that although it would cause Elena pain if anything had happened to her, she would be looked after; she would have a mother in Meredith.

…

"Meredith, are you even listening to me?" Cristina demanded, poking her friend with the handle of a plastic spoon as they sat outside for lunch that afternoon.

"Ow," she responded suddenly, rubbing her arm. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"God, you're worse than Aaron when cartoons are on, and that's just sad. You've been acting weird all week; what's wrong?"

Meredith sighed. Alex's words were still haunting her, and she was terrified. Never before in their relationship had something like this come up. She was ready to face a lot of things, but infidelity wasn't one of them. She knew what it did to families, and she couldn't bear the thought of her own children suffering through what she once had. "What would you do if you thought Burke was cheating on you?"

Cristina looked at her skeptically and wondered, "Where are we going with this conversation, Mer?"

"Just a question."

After pausing to take a bite of her salad, she replied, "He wouldn't."

"Okay, but what if you thought he was?"

"But he wouldn't," she again insisted.

"We're being hypothetical here," Meredith said in exasperation. "Just pretend you're in some alternate universe where it was a possibility. What would you do?"

Cristina paused thoughtfully for a moment before she answered. "Well, first, I'd confront him about it, and if it was true, I'd kick his ass. Then I'd find out who he was cheating with, and go kick her ass, too."

"What are we talking about?" Alex wondered as he sat down to join them.

"What I would do to Burke and his hypothetical mistress," Cristina smirked.

Alex grinned as he answered without hesitation, "Oh, you'd definitely kick both their asses, Yang."

For the first time in days, Meredith was able to laugh. For just a second, she didn't feel like the weight of the entire world was on her shoulders. But only for a second.

"So, how are you holding up, Mer? Are you okay?" he wondered.

But before she could answer, Cristina gave them both puzzled looks and questioned, "What is he talking about?" After a pause, she demanded, "You told something to Evil Spawn that you didn't even tell _me_? Seriously, what is the world coming to? Well, now you have to tell me, too."

Meredith tried to answer, but even saying those words was too painful. When she looked over at Alex, he could see it in her eyes and answered for her.

"She thinks that Derek might be having an affair," he answered, and it truly hurt to see Meredith wince slightly as he spoke. Reassuringly, he grabbed her hand; after all, she was like a sister to him—even Cristina was—and he would have done anything to protect them.

"Oh, my God. Seriously? Why do you think that, Mer? And who with?" she questioned, leaning a little bit closer.

"Alex saw him with Addison in a conference room the other day," she blurted out and suddenly found herself unable to stop speaking. "He said they weren't doing anything really inappropriate, but it just looked like something was going on. And, you know, I get that they're friends and everything; I mean, Addison and I are friends, too. But he's been working nights a lot lately, and Addison has been sending Elle to us a lot lately, and it's just… it's not like either of them. And it's freaking me out."

"Meredith…" Cristina started to say but paused when she realized that she didn't know what to say to make it better.

"You need to talk to him. You can't keep torturing yourself like this; it's better to just know, right?" Alex tried to reason.

But she shrugged. "Not if the answer is yes." Her pager went off an instant later, saving them from the awkward silence that was inevitable. However, as she started to walk away, she couldn't help but overhear her friends whispering in shocked tones.

"I can't believe McDreamy is a McCheater. I definitely didn't see that one coming," Cristina said in disbelief.

"This is gonna kill Meredith," Alex agreed.

Meredith, however, took a deep breath and did her best not to lose her composure. There were patients to see, and it was her job and her responsibility to take care of them despite her own issues. She could fall apart as soon as she walked out the doors of Seattle Grace, but for now, she had to be brave. For now, she had to be the person to whom her patients could look for answers. Because even if she didn't have any for herself, she would have theirs.

…

"Meredith!" Elena said the moment she saw her stepmother and ran to her, wrapping her arms around her waist as though it had been months instead of just a day since she had seen her.

Meredith could sense that something about this hug was different; it was almost as though Elena was clinging to her to keep from getting pulled away by some unseen force. "Are you okay, Sweetie?" she wondered when she saw the look on Elena's face.

"I'm just glad you're here," she whispered, her delicate little hands still clinging to Meredith's jacket.

Just then, it hit Meredith that losing Elena would be just as hard as losing Derek. Elena, like Hayden and Aida, was her daughter; Elena was part of her heart. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind until this very moment that, God forbid, should she and Derek end, Elena wouldn't be tied to her anymore. In her heart, however, Elena would always be her oldest little girl; nothing could ever change that.

"Dr. Shepherd," Elena's teacher, Kaya Meyer, smiled as she approached them.

She and Meredith had met a few times already at Elena's various school functions, and Elena always raved about how wonderful she was. "Ms. Meyer, it's nice to see you again."

"Elle, do you think it would be okay if I talk to your stepmother alone for just a minute?" she asked sweetly, putting a reassuring hand on the little girl's shoulder and smiling. "I bet William would love it if you waited with him for his father to pick him up."

"Okay," she agreed, lingering a second longer before she walked over to her friend.

"Is everything all right with Elle?" Meredith wondered, sure that her teacher had probably noticed her odd demeanor as well.

"I'm concerned about her," she answered. "I know she hasn't been feeling very well for the past few weeks, so at first I attributed her behavior to that, but she's obviously well now, yet she's still acting… How can I put this? Withdrawn, I guess. Apprehensive, worried, anxious. Usually, Elena is very involved with her classmates—she's easily a favorite and a leader among them. But lately, she hasn't been herself at all. She only really speaks to William, if even he. I asked her about it today because I truly am concerned, and she just said that she feels like something bad is going to happen, but she couldn't explain what or why she felt that way," Kaya replied and could see the genuine concern in Meredith's eyes. "Forgive me because I don't mean to pry, but is everything all right at home? I know that Elena has gone through a lot of changes this year, but she's always seemed to handle everything so well. I hope you'll forgive me for being a bit meddlesome, but I only want to assure that Elena is all right."

Meredith smiled. "I'll have a talk with her about it. She hasn't mentioned anything to anyone, but I'll talk to her. Thank you for your concern; I appreciate you looking out for her."

Kaya nodded and replied, "Your little girl is a very special, very amazing child. She's quite a gift, and I have a feeling that big things are in store for her. Take care."

"You, too," Meredith waved as she went to meet Elena, who was now standing by a group of little girls now that William had gone. "Ready to go to ballet?" she wondered, taking Elena's hand into her own. Kaya had been right; Elena definitely _was_ a gift.

As soon as they got into Meredith's car, Elena once again took hold of her stepmother's hand. It was as though she never wanted to let go.

"Are you okay, Elle? I know I just asked you, but really, are you okay? Did something happen that you need to talk to someone about? Just between the two of us? You know you can tell me anything, Sweetheart," Meredith urged and looked into Elena's big green eyes, which were looking thoughtfully back at her.

Finally, she answered in a tiny voice, "I just feel like something bad is going to happen."

"Something like what, Baby? What makes you think that?"

Then Elena confided, "The other day, I had a dream about Leni. She told me that…she said that I needed to be strong and that everything happens for a reason. Do you believe that, Meredith?"

She nodded. "Yes, I do." She then wondered, "Did Leni say anything else?"

"No," the little girl shook her head. "But I've dreamt of her before, and she keeps talking about a storm. It'll all be okay, won't it, Meredith?"

"I hope so, Sweetheart," she whispered, giving Elena's hand a gently squeeze. "But no matter what, I will _always_ be here for you, and I'll _always_ love you. Okay? Nothing that happens could ever make me quit loving you. Remember that."

"I'll remember."

…

Derek stood in the lobby of the dance studio with all the other parents, watching their little girls drift gracefully across the floor in perfectly timed movements. Even without his parental bias, it was easy to see that Elena was the best; she moved as elegantly as a swan in flight, her petite, delicate features making every movement seem flawless. She looked so peaceful, so carefree.

Finally, the class was over, and she smiled when she saw him. "Did you see me dance, Daddy?"

He scooped her up into his arms and held her tightly. "I did. You were brilliant," he whispered, and she smiled. "Do you have all your things?"

"Everything is in my bag," she answered, acknowledging the backpack on her shoulder. "C'mon, we should hurry home. I think it's gonna rain; the sky was looking pretty gross earlier."

"Okay," he smiled, helping her put on her jacket. "Nothing's worse than freezing rain on someone who's trying to get herself all better," he said with a wink. "You aren't too tired, are you? Technically, you really shouldn't be coming to ballet for another few weeks."

"I'm not tired, Daddy," she assured him with the smile he adored so much. He would have done anything in his power to keep that smile on her face forever. Unfortunately, however, he knew that not everything was in his hands. Yet at the same time, he found it ironic that his whole world was in his arms.

In a few minutes, they were greeted by Addison who, despite the absolute pain and illness that she must have been feeling, smiled warmly. "I have a surprise for you," she told the little girl, who insisted on knowing what it was. "Tonight, we're going to bake cookies," she said and watched Elena's face light up. "Well, actually, _you're_ going to bake cookies, and I'm going to stir things, but whatever. Why don't you go get changed, and then we'll start, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy!" she agreed happily before turning to her father. "Tomorrow night when I go to your house, I'll bring some for you and Meredith and Hayden and Aida, if Meredith lets," she promised as she kissed him on the cheek.

"All right, Princess," he laughed and watched her run quickly upstairs. "Are you feeling all right? Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked Addison, just like he did every day.

And just like every day, her answer was the same. "I'm fine. But thank you."

"Call if you need anything, and I'll be here," he told her before he left, and she nodded.

…

When Derek arrived at his own house, it was dark and quiet. It was late, and he knew that Aida and Hayden were undoubtedly asleep by now. He knew that he hadn't been there as much as he should have lately, and each night that he didn't tuck them into bed or read them a bedtime story weighed a little more on his soul. Eventually, he would be able to find a balance, he knew, but right now, it was just too much.

He walked upstairs, careful not to make too much noise, and went into each of their rooms. Little Aida Grace looked just like a doll as she lay there in her crib, her tiny little chest moving ever so subtly up and down. She was already five months old; where in the world had the time gone? But every day, he noticed, that she looked more and more like her mother, especially when she laughed. And these days, she found almost _everything_ hilarious.

Next, he crept quietly into Hayden's bedroom. As usual, toys were strewn all over the floor, and the moon-shaped nightlight illuminated the room. Derek sat down on the floor next to Hayden's bed and watched his son sleeping for a moment. His _son_. It brought a smile to his face that after so many years of being completely surrounded by women, there was another guy around the house.

Finally he made his way to his own bedroom. He expected Meredith to be asleep as well and was surprised when he discovered that she was standing at the window, her back turned to the doorway. "Hey, you're still up," he said in little more than a whisper.

However, when she turned to look at him, her face was pink and tear-stained. "Derek, there's something that I need to ask you, and I want you to be completely honest with me."

"Okay," he quickly agreed, desperately wondering what was troubling her so much. It broke his heart to see her this way.

She looked him straight in the eye as she asked with a quivering voice, "Are you having an affair?"

…

_Just wanted to give you guys a heads-up that I'll be pretty busy the next two weeks because of finals (ah, the joys of a future doctor), but I'll do my best to update at least once during that time. However, after December 16th, I'll be back and ready to write! As always, thanks for all your support! You guys are the best!_


	20. Chapter 20: Seasons Change

I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for too long, so here's a quick update!

**_Chapter Twenty: Seasons Change_**

_Hurts me to see you feel this way but it won't be always  
__Don't you know everything got to change?  
__Feels like all your hope is gone, you can't carry on  
__But there's nothing  
__You don't have to pretend with me  
__Don't you know that, that patience is a virtue?  
__And life is a waiting game  
__Don't you know that peace must be nurtured?  
All the money in the world can buy you nothing  
All these things happen, all these I've done for a reason  
__Don't you go on throw it all away  
__When the seasons change  
_

Corinne Bailey Rae

…

"What?" he questioned in absolute confusion. Had she really just asked what he thought?

"I asked you if you were having an affair, and I want the truth," she answered very calmly, although he could see that she was liable to burst into tears at any moment.

The thought of being with any woman other than her had never once crossed his mind since the day they got back together. She was the love of his life… the only person he ever wanted to be with for the rest of his life. "Meredith… of course not. I love you more than you could ever possibly know, and I would never, ever throw away what we have."

"Then why have you been sneaking around with Addison? Working late nights? And Addison _never_ leaves Elle anywhere longer than she absolutely has to," Meredith pointed out, although she was starting to breathe a little easier.

Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair, just like he always did when he needed a minute to think. He promised that he wouldn't say anything, but he was sure that if Addison knew the situation, she would understand. They were planning on telling Elena soon, and Burke would need to be notified of the situation as well, so it would all be coming out anyway. "Addison has cancer."

Those three words left Meredith absolutely speechless for a moment. That wasn't at all what she expected to hear. "Oh, my God, Derek," she managed, completely forgetting everything she was feeling moments before. "Where? And how advanced?"

"Stage three breast cancer," he replied. "She didn't have the stomach flu; she was dealing with the effects of chemo. I've been trying to help her and keep her secret and… it's just too much. I'm sorry I haven't been here, but I've—"

"Derek, it's all right. You don't need to apologize," she interrupted, immediately feeling guilty of her accusations; she should have known better, she realized. "I'm the one who's sorry."

He stared at her for a moment, and it hit him just how much he had missed her those past two weeks. He hadn't even realized the impact of her support in his life; even when she didn't have an answer, she still had a shoulder to offer. She was so strong, and her strength is what helped him to pull through. Finally, he walked up to her and, still without a word, wrapped his arms around her tightly.

Meredith couldn't help but notice that it was exactly the same way that Elena had clung to her earlier that day. Despite all the ways that Elena was like Addison—who, after all, had been her primary influence for most of her life so far—there were some things that were purely Derek… the expression she got on her face when she was in deep thought, the way she could say everything without saying a single word, and especially the way she adored ferryboats. But then she realized something. "Elle doesn't know yet, does she?"

"No, she doesn't. Addison didn't want to scare her with this… God, Meredith, how much is that little girl going to have to go through in her life?" he wondered in exasperation. "She's practically still just a baby, and she's already gone through more than most adults. And there's nothing I can do to protect her."

"She's strong," Meredith whispered, although she had been wondering the same thing. How much more could their little girl take before she lost that innocent, beautiful light in her eyes?

…

"Cristina, your phone is… making noise," Burke told his wife sleepily late that night. A quick glance at the clock showed that it was almost two a.m. "Cristina…"

"All right. Okay," she finally agreed and leaned over to grab her phone, which had fallen off her bedside table. When Meredith's number showed on the screen, her heart sank a little; she was expecting the worst. "Hey, how are you?" she wondered, getting up and heading into the kitchen.

"I'm fine. Sorry, I didn't realize it was so late; I just need to talk for a minute," she answered, not really making much sense.

"Meredith, it's two o'clock in the morning, and my attention span is pretty much nonexistant. You're gonna have to try harder to actually say something. What's going on?" she questioned, rummaging through the refrigerator before finally settling on leftover Chinese food.

She paused for a moment. She had promised that she wouldn't tell anyone about Addison yet, but there was so much on her mind. "Well, I can't tell you everything, but you'll find out soon enough. But… Derek isn't having an affair."

"I knew Evil Spawn was full of crap," she answered. "So, what was he doing sneaking around with Addison, then?"

"Fight Club, for now," Meredith replied simply, and Cristina knew not to ask anything more about it. After a minute, she added, "Aida's crying… I should go. But thanks for letting me ramble."

"Any time. That's what friends are for, right? Good night, Mer."

A moment later, Oliver walked sleepily into the kitchen. "Hi, Mommy," he smiled, taking a seat beside his mother.

"You should be in bed," she told him as he leaned against her shoulder and wrapped his arm around her free one.

It was almost amusing just how different all her children were. Lillian was eternally curious, always looking around at the world with her big brown eyes; as soon as she learned how to speak, Cristina knew, she would be the one to ask the never-ending questions. Aaron was her little mischief-maker. She knew that he did what he did just to get a laugh out of people, but all the same, he would be the one on whom they would need to keep a close watch.

Then there was her oldest. Oliver was quiet and thoughtful, patient and intelligent. He had brought an entirely new and amazing aspect to her life—motherhood. In the tiniest ways, he changed her; he made her better. He showed her a part of herself that even she never knew could exist.

"I can't sleep," he sighed. "Then I heard you in here, so I decided to come hang out."

She smiled and held out her fork, offering, "Want some?"

But he crinkled his nose and shook his head. "Mommy, do you think that maybe this weekend, we could go to dinner. Just you and me?"

"I'd like that, Oliver. Just you and me. It's a date, okay?" she agreed.

"Okay," he grinned and leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. "'Night, Mommy. I love you," he said before hurrying upstairs back to bed.

For most of her life, Cristina hadn't wanted to be a mother. However, as she watched her little boy, she knew that her three beautiful children were the best things she had ever done with her life.

…

"Hey, Elle, what are you reading?" Hayden wondered, taking a seat between his sister and his mother on the sofa the following evening.

For the first time in a while, the Shepherd family was spending a quiet evening at home. Both Derek and Meredith knew that soon, there would be little normalcy in any of their lives—particularly Elena's—and they didn't want to take any opportunity for granted.

"William and I have a school project, so I'm reading up on it," she smiled and began to explain. "We have to explain to the class about a career, and we've decided to talk about what surgeons do. We're even going to dress up in scrubs and wear surgical caps."

"Cool!" he exclaimed in pure admiration. Of course, there was nothing that the little boy didn't idolize about his big sister. To him, she was the most amazing person in the world.

"Have you decided what you're going to say?" Derek wondered as he sat on the floor playing with little Aida, who was lying on her back and chewing on one of her toys while she babbled happily.

"I'm going to talk about neonatal and neuro, and William is going to talk about cardiothoracics and ortho," Elena explained. "We're only gonna talk about it a little bit, though—like what each specialty does and that kind of stuff—because most people who haven't grown up in the gallery of an OR won't really get it yet."

"Won't get what?" Hayden wondered.

"What it feels like to know that you hold someone's life in your hands," she whispered, and Derek could already see in her eyes that she had a passion for surgery, even at such a young age. Her enthusiasm was a breath of fresh air, and he hoped that no matter what she decided to do with her life—surgery or otherwise—she would always keep that sense of passion.

"Okay, my little surgical junkies, I think it's time to get ready for bed," Meredith laughed, noting that both Hayden and Aida were beginning to get heavy-eyed.

"Aw, Mommy, not yet," the little boy pleaded, giving Meredith exactly the same look that Derek did when he wanted something.

When either of them gave her that look, she found it incredibly difficult to say no; those big blue eyes staring back at her tugged at her heartstrings like nothing else. "Derek, a little help here?"

"How about once everyone changes in to their pajamas, I'll read you guys a bedtime story?" he offered.

"Can we listen in your room? It's so comfy," Hayden commented. "Please, please, please?"

Even before he said yes, Derek knew that he would inevitably end up with three sleeping children crowded into the middle of his bed. And an hour later, that's exactly what he got. But as he looked at their peaceful little faces, he realized just how lucky he was to have those three children to crowd his bed and cause a sleepless night.

"Derek, look at Aida," Meredith whispered, trying to stifle a giggle as she pointed to the little girl asleep across her chest.

He couldn't help but smile when he saw the grin on his daughter's face. "Wonder what she's thinking about?"

"That is the billion dollar question, isn't it?" Meredith replied, smiling gently at Elena, who was curled up next to her father with Amélie securely in her arms. "But we're good at this, right? I mean, we're the kind of parents that our kids will feel comfortable talking to about anything, aren't we?"

"I'd like to think that we are. Of course, when we've got a bunch of teenagers around the house, maybe not so much," he laughed.

"Okay, let's not even talk about _that,_" Meredith said quickly. And although the tone in her voice hinted at a joke, she was just the tiniest bit serious; her babies were hardly babies anymore—especially Elena and Hayden—and it terrified her. However, her heart soon sank as she realized that not being around to see them grow up would be far worse.

"Hey, are you all right?" Derek wondered when she suddenly grew quiet.

But Meredith just sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that… right now, they're safe and happy, and we can protect them. Right now, at this moment, nothing can hurt them. But tomorrow… all that's going to change. And I feel helpless."

"That's what we get for becoming surgeons… Everything we know about control completely goes to crap outside the OR."

"Isn't it the truth," she whispered.


	21. Chapter 21: Taken

_So, obviously, I've been writing my fanfic instead of studying... there's nothing like procrastination. ;) Plus, that means more chapters in less time for you guys. This one is kind of short, but I promise next chapter will be longer. And... well, there's a (good) surprise coming._

**_Chapter Twenty-One: Taken_**

_I can see you standing in the pouring rain  
Waiting for changes to carry you away  
I can see the light fall from your eyes  
As we get lost in the tears of this good-bye  
But you can't go farther than my heart can go  
'Cause I'll still be loving you  
Through the sadness and the madness here  
And I'll always be with you  
In the distance that has taken you from me_

Plumb

…

"I want you to feel free to take as much time as you need to deal with this," Preston replied upon Addison's revelation. He had taken notice that she had been taking a lesser workload these past few weeks, but he had assumed that it was due to an attempt to balance work and family. With three children, he understood that.

"Thank you, Preston," she smiled. "I fully intend to continue working for the next two weeks until the operation," she assured him.

However, he quickly switched from boss-mode to friend-mode. "Have you decided on a surgeon yet?"

But she shook her head. "I've been looking into it, and I've consulted with a few. It's just… it's a really difficult decision, and I want to make sure I've chosen the right surgeon."

"Choose whomever you'd like. I will have the team of your choice flown to Seattle Grace," he told her. "Not only are you my head of neonatology, you're also a dear friend. And that's not even mentioning that you saved my little girl's life. Under all those considerations, I want to personally sure that you have nothing but the best. We're all pulling for you, Addison."

She nodded, doing her best to be brave. However, what was weighing on her mind even more than her upcoming surgery—although it never left her thoughts—was that she had to tell Elena that night. Derek had offered to be there for support for both of them, but Addison had a feeling that nothing would make this easier.

Meanwhile, Cristina and Alex were watching Addison and Preston through the glass wall of his office, trying to figure out exactly what was going on.

"Lucy and Ethel, don't you have anything better to do than stand around and gossip? Like check on patients or perform surgeries?" Meredith questioned jokingly

"I've been called a lot of things in my life, but Lucy is definitely a new one," Alex laughed.

With a playful grin, she corrected, "But you're Ethel."

Cristina, however, was more interested in what was going on inside her husband's office. "Meredith, seriously, what's going on? I don't care if it's Fight Club or not. Something's up, and it's something big. Now, tell us." After a slight glance at Alex, she amended, "Or we can tell Alex to get lost, and then you can just tell me."

"Okay, fine," Meredith said, finally caving. She knew that by the end of the day the secret would have already spread through the hospital anyway. "Addison has cancer. She's been doing chemo, and she's having surgery in a few weeks."

"How bad is it, Mer?" Alex questioned, noting the look on his friend's face.

"They're worried."

…

A soft knock at the door made Addison's heart jump. She knew that it was Derek, and she was fully aware that he was coming. However, because he was there, it meant that soon, she would have to turn her little girl's world upside down.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he wondered with a smile, although it was painfully obvious that it was just as forced as her own.

"Derek, I can't do this. I can't tell her. She's too young to have to deal with this."

But he sighed and took her by the hand. "Keeping it a secret won't make it go away, Addie. In two weeks, you're undergoing major surgery; you can't hide that from her. Elle is young, but she can handle this. She's like Leni that way, you know? We need to tell her."

"Elle, could you come downstairs, please?" Addison called up. She heard her daughter's footsteps hurry through her bedroom and down the hallway before she finally appeared at the top of the stairs.

However, Elena was already about halfway down before she noticed her father standing there as well. "Daddy? I thought I was staying here tonight. Am I going to your house?" she wondered.

"Actually, Sweetheart… Daddy and I have something that we need to discuss with you," Addison answered as calmly and casually as possible.

"_Both_ of you?" she questioned. "It's something bad then, isn't it? There really is something wrong."

Unable to lie to her any longer, Addison nodded. "Elle, let's have a seat in the living room, and I'll tell you everything. You need to know about this."

Derek followed as Addison led the way into the dimly-lit living room. The TV was playing faintly in the background, occasionally painting the room in shades of blue and green. However, the only matter of concern to any of them were the words which they were waiting to hear Addison speak.

After a moment of what Elena felt was unbearable silence, Addison took a deep breath and met her daughter's eyes; she knew that there was no going back now. "Sweetheart, this is probably the second hardest thing I'll ever have to tell you," she began. She knew that the hardest thing would be explaining to Elena why Derek's and her marriage had failed… about Mark and what had happened in New York all those years ago.

Suddenly, Elena didn't want to hear anymore. The last time she ever saw a look like that on her mother's face was after a particularly troubling day at work—when something so terrible had happened that Addison was torn between pushing it out of her mind and getting it off her chest. She never knew exactly what had happened, but the memory of her mother crying as she sat next to Elena's bed when she thought she had fallen asleep had never left her mind. Nonetheless, Elena continued to listen without uttering a word of protest. Bad news was like a fire or an automobile accident; no matter how horrible it may be, something about it captures you, and you find yourself unable to turn away from the destruction.

"Elle… I have cancer," she finally confessed, the words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth even after she'd spoken them. "In a few weeks, I'm going to have surgery, so you'll be staying with Daddy and Meredith for a while, okay? I don't want you to be afraid, Sweetheart. We are going to fight this, and we're going to be strong."

However, at that moment, Elena didn't feel strong at all; she felt numb. Almost like she wanted to start crying but the tears were trapped.

"If you have any questions—right now or at any time—we want you to ask, all right?" Derek chimed in. "Anything from procedures to medicines to exactly what's going on, we will all be more than happy to explain to you." She nodded, but he could tell that she was somewhat in shock; it was more than any six-year-old should have to deal with. "Do you have any questions, Princess?"

_Is my mommy going to die?_ she thought quietly to herself but only shook her head in reply.

…

It was late, but Addison couldn't fall asleep. She knew that tomorrow would be a long, exhausting day, yet sleep refused to come, and she couldn't get the image of the look on Elena's face out of her mine. She had hardly spoken a word since they told her; she had asked a few questions, but Addison knew that it was only to appease her. So instead of sleeping, she lay motionless in her bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as she listened to the rain against her window.

A while later—although she didn't know exactly how much time had actually passed—she thought she heard footsteps going down the stairs followed by an opening door. There was the chance that it was only her imagination or a trick of the rain, but she decided to make sure. One rule of being a surgeon was that it was better to be safe than sorry, although very few of the surgeons she knew applied this to their own lives.

Slowly, she opened the front door; at first, she saw nothing but torrents of water falling in frenzied disarray. A moment later, however, she was able to distinguish the small, delicate outline of her daughter, her dark curls blending in perfectly with the night and completely soaked in the rain.

"Elle, what are you doing out here? Come back inside before you get sick again," Addison called from the doorway, but Elena stood still as a statue.

Finally, Addison gave in and abandoned her warm, dry place inside to go after Elena. In only a moment, she was drenched from head to toe, yet the cool rain was surprisingly refreshing. "Elle, what are you doing?" she asked again.

This time, Elena looked up at her mother. Although the rain had managed to wash away all the tears, it was painfully apparent that she had been crying only moments before.

"Oh, Sweetheart," she whispered, but she had no idea what to say to the little girl who was trying so desperately to be brave.

"I think I'm finally going to start painting. I want to paint a picture of the rain. Can we stay out here for just a little while longer, Mommy?" she requested in a tiny, exhausted voice that was painfully not like her own.

"Of course we can."

Elena managed a half-smile and wordlessly took her mother by the hand. Had there been any passers-by to witness the scene, they certainly would have found it a strange sight. But to Addison and Elena, the chaos of the pouring rain around them seemed to make more sense than the chaos that had so suddenly filled their lives.


	22. Chapter 22: World on Fire

**_Chapter Twenty-Two: World on Fire_**

_I watch the heavens, but I find no calling  
Something I can do to change what's coming  
Stay close to me while the sky is falling  
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone  
__The world's on fire and it's more than I can handle  
I'll tap into the water, try and bring my share  
I try to bring more, more than I can handle  
Bring it to the table, bring what I am able_

Sarah McLachlan

…

"Well, look who decided to crawl out from obscurity," Joe smiled as Meredith, Addison, Cristina, Izzie, and Miranda walked into his bar. "Just like the good ol' days before you all went and settled down. What's the occasion?"

"Just a girls' night out before Addison's big surgery," Meredith answered as they all took a seat.

"In that case, the first round's on me, then," he answered and poured them each their old "usual" from years ago. "You know, I never thought I'd live to see the day where the two of you would walk into here as friends and really mean it," he told Meredith and Addison, and they both smiled.

"Time has a funny way of changing people's minds," Addison replied.

"How're you feeling, Sweetie?" Joe wondered. The answer, however, was pretty obvious. The Addison he'd known all these years was the epitome of glamour and perfection. No matter what, she was always dressed to the nines, make-up flawless. But now, however, it was easy to see that her illness was taking its toll on her; she looked tired and worried, a far cry from the confident and certain person that she had been before.

"I feel like I have cancer," she sighed, and he knew that it was the only way to describe it.

"Now, come on," Miranda began, not missing a beat. "I don't wanna hear any more negativity out of your mouth for the rest of the night. 'Cause tonight, there is no cancer. There's only us and our alcohol. You got that?"

"Here's to the girls, then," Addison smiled, raising her glass as the others followed suit.

"So, where are the guys tonight?" Joe wondered, pouring both Meredith and Cristina another round. "If I know you five, they're at home with the kids. Am I right?"

"They're all at Meredith's house watching the game," Izzie said, then added coyly, "with the kids."

"Speaking of the kids, you already know that I'm gonna ask for pictures next, right?" he laughed, and they were all too eager to pull out the latest portraits of their children.

"I can't believe how fast they're growing up," he remarked, shaking his head as he looked at all the photographs. "Pretty soon, they'll be the regular crew in here like you guys used to be."

Izzie laughed, "Not too soon, I hope. But Sophie… well, I have a feeling that she's gonna take after her dad. I don't even want to _imagine_ what we're gonna see with her. Lydia's more laid-back, though. She's the quiet one. Oh, and they're _finally _potty-trained. Seriously, I don't know what I would've done with three kids in diapers." After speaking the last sentence, she stopped abruptly; however, everyone else was already staring at her questioningly.

Cristina was the one who finally spoke up. "Um, Izzie? Did you say _three_ kids? And you haven't touched your drink at all…You're _pregnant_, aren't you?"

When she nodded, the questions came flying from every direction. "I had a feeling that I was pregnant about a week ago… I took a test, and it came back positive. Well, after five positives, I'm convinced," she explained.

"Oh, my God! Iz, this is so great. I didn't even know you guys were trying," Meredith smiled. She knew how much Izzie wanted another baby—she had been talking about it since the twins were born.

"We weren't really, but we've always talked about having more kids, so it's just perfect."

"Alex doesn't know yet, does he?" Miranda remarked. She never would have pegged Alex Karev to be the daddy-type, but her opinion changed completely the day he found out that Izzie was expecting the twins. Within a few minutes, the entirety of Seattle Grace knew as well.

Izzie shook her head. "I've been trying to think of a good way to do it, but I don't know what to do."

"You should tell him that your stomach has been bothering you lately. Have him do an ultrasound," Addison offered, and Izzie's eyes lit up.

"Thanks, Addison. That's _perfect_!" she grinned, and the talk soon turned to all things baby.

"Have you thought about names yet?" Joe wondered, secretly amused at the conversation. He remembered the old days when the conversations about pregnancy were laced with panic instead of joy, when they talked about their idiotic boyfriends instead of their sweet, responsible—although sometimes slightly annoying—husbands. But despite all that, some things—like the bond they had all inevitably formed—remained the same.

"I don't know… I haven't thought about it much yet," she shrugged. "I guess we'll start picking out names when we find out if it's a boy or a girl." After a brief pause, she grinned and remarked, "Poor Alex if it's another girl. He'll be stuck in a house full of women."

Cristina leaned toward Izzie's stomach and whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear, "Be a girl."

…

The next day, Addison was officially admitted as a surgical patient to Seattle Grace Hospital. The entire time, Elena, who had flat-out refused to go to school that morning, was following her around like a shadow, subconsciously clinging to Addison's shirt sleeve or walking so closely by her that Elena bumped into her when she stopped without warning. In a way, she reminded Addison of a lost puppy, and it was hard to see her that way. After all, if she was like this now, what would she be like if… But she quickly pushed the thought from her mind. She was going to think positively, if not for herself, then for her little girl.

Finally, after filling out mounds of paperwork, Addison and Elena found a moment of refuge in her hospital room. "You're quiet," Addison commented. Elena had hardly spoken a word that day. "Are you all right? Do you want to talk about anything?"

"No, I'm fine," she answered distractedly. But they both knew that neither of them was fine. "Mommy, you and Daddy said it's okay for me to ask questions, right?"

"Of course, Sweetheart. Anything at all," Addison assured her with a gentle smile.

"Are you scared, Mommy?"

Addison wasn't quite sure how to answer that at first. She was terrified, but more so for her daughter than herself. "Yeah, I am a little bit," she admitted.

Elena nodded. "I am, a little bit, too."

"It'll be all right, Baby," Addison whispered, kneeling down so that she was eye-level with her little girl. "I'm sorry you've had to grow up so fast, Elle. I'm sorry you have to go through this so young. Or at all."

The little girl smiled and too her mother's face into her tiny hands. "Don't be sorry, Mommy; this isn't your fault. And I don't mind 'cause I would do anything for you. I love you, so don't be sorry."

"I love you, too, Elena Amélie," Addison smiled, hugging her daughter tightly.

Derek stood in the doorway for a minute, not wanting to cut short their moment. He wanted Elena to have every possible memory with her mother, just in case. It was something that no one wanted to think about or mention, but the truth of the matter is that losing Addison could easily be a reality. But for Elena's sake—and for his own—he hoped that things would turn out for the best.

"Hi, Daddy," Elena said, noticing him before he had to interrupt.

"Hey, Princess," Derek smiled. "I know you really don't feel like leaving Mommy right now, but a bunch of doctors are going to be here in a minute to speak with her, and I think it might worry you to hear all the things they're saying without having someone to explain," he told her softly, although he could see in her eyes that she would only regretfully agree.

"It'll only take a minute," Addison reassured her, and she nodded.

"Okay," she finally agreed, albeit hesitantly.

"Go and find Nurse Debbie. She'll look after you," Derek instructed.

And although Elena nodded, she had no intention of sitting at the Nurses' Station; if she couldn't be with her mother, then she just wanted to be alone. So instead, she wandered around the floor for a few minutes before finding herself in the surgical waiting room.

There were a few other people waiting, but it was alone enough for her. She hated the fact that at this very moment, a bunch of strangers were telling her mother about how they were going to cut parts of her off; even though her father hadn't said it, Elena knew that's what they were going to talk about. She had overheard her parents talking about it a few days earlier.

"Well, look who I've found." Suddenly stirred from her thought, Elena looked up, completely surprised to see Mark Sloan standing before her. "Remember me?"

She nodded and returned the smile.

"Would it be all right with you if I had a seat?"

"Okay." He seemed nice enough, and she really didn't mind his company. In a way, his cheshire cat grin was reassuring.

"So, what's on your mind, Peanut?" he wondered as he took a seat beside her. "You're worried about your mom, aren't you?"

"Yeah. A lot," she admitted, finding herself surprised at how easily she was able to confide in him. She hardly knew him, but something about him made her feel like he could understand. "What are you doing in Seattle?"

"I'm worried about your mom, too."

With a playful grin, Elena remarked, "She doesn't seem to like you very much. She told me that you were a ghost of the past."

"Ouch. Right to the point. You're definitely your mother's daughter," he laughed.

"I'm just saying, she's pretty stubborn, so it's gonna take a lot to get her to change her mind. Roses and candy and all that mushy romance movie stuff won't do it. You'll have to think of something really good."

By this time, of course, Elena had completely enraptured him. He couldn't quite figure it out, but there was something about her that captivated him. "You're helping me?"

"Did you mean what you said? About being in love with my mom, I mean?"

Nodding, he answered, "Yeah, I did."

"Then, yes, I'm helping you. I don't know what happened between you and my mommy, but I do know that she deserves to be loved. And not the friendship kind of love… but the _in love_ kind. Even if it is complicated."

"Somebody was listening at the door," he remarked and had to hold in his laughter as her eyes grew wide with realization. "Don't worry; your secret is safe with me. Pals?" he suggested, offering his hand.

"Okay. Pals," she agreed happily, shaking on it.

At that particular moment, however, Derek walked into the waiting room. As soon as he realized just with whom his daughter was sitting, his blood began to boil. Without hesitation, he hurried in their direction. "Elle, I thought I asked you to wait with Nurse Debbie; it isn't safe for you to be wandering around all alone. And do you remember that talk we had about strangers? I want you to go to the Nurses' Station and wait for me there," her father said, surprisingly stern, as he approached them.

"I just needed some time to think and be by myself. And Daddy, this man isn't a stranger; I know him," she insisted. "His name is Mark. I sort of met him in New York when Mommy and I went back for that surgery with Dr. Milo. He came to see us for a little while."

For the first time in her life, she saw a new emotion overcome her father—anger. It wasn't directed at her, she knew, but rather for the man sitting beside her. She didn't understand why her father wouldn't like him; he seemed to be very nice. But she knew that if he didn't like this man—and her mother was also quite bothered by him—then she should leave. However, her curiosity got the best of her, so instead of going to the Nurses' Station like she'd been told, she remained hidden just in earshot of their conversation.

"Who the hell do you think you are talking to my kid?" Derek demanded angrily, although managing to keep his voice at an inconspicuous level.

"Calm down, man; I'm sorry. I didn't know it would upset you that much. I heard that Addie was sick, so I flew out here. And I just happened to see Elena, so I asked her what was going on," he explained. In all honestly, his intent hadn't been to anger his former friend; he was just worried about the woman who, even after all these years, still held his heart in a way that no one else had ever quite been able to do.

"Oh, don't even give me that," Derek fumed. "Just stay away from them. Go back to New York, Mark; we don't need you here."

"You know what, man? You just can't let her be happy, can you?" Mark scoffed, a tiny part of him anticipating a punch in the face. Again.

However, Derek only demanded, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"She's so worried about what you'll think that she doesn't even think about herself anymore. Even your six-year-old kid can see that Addison deserves to have a little bit of happiness—of love—in her life. Let it be about her for once, Derek," he replied point-blankly. Before turning to leave, he added, "I don't wanna make a scene in front of Elena, so I'll go. But I'm coming back tomorrow to see Addison, and if she asks me to leave, then I will. So if you have a problem with it, I suggest you find somewhere else to be."

"Daddy?" Elena questioned timidly as he walked up to her, still a little unnerved by what she had just seen. It wasn't like her father to get that way.

"I'm sorry, Princess. It's just… complicated," he whispered, cupping her cheek in his hand reassuringly.

Elena sighed. "It's always complicated."

…

Long after their conversation, Mark's words were still echoing through his mind. As much as he hated to admit it, his former best friend was right. It was painful to come to the realization, but sometimes the truth just plain hurt. So he had finally made the decision to put the past behind him and let it go. "Good. You're still awake," he said softly as he stood in the doorway of Addison's room.

"What are you still doing here? It's late; go home, workaholic," she laughed, although she was thankful for the company.

"Look who's talking," he laughed, acknowledging the patient's chart that she was looking over. "I will soon."

"Are you okay, Derek? You look like something's wrong."

"No, everything is all right," he answered, a bit too casually for it to be the truth.

"Is Elle okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine," he assured her. "She's staying at Bailey's tonight. She and William have their big project to work on."

"Okay, just tell me what's on your mind," Addison finally demanded in exasperation. "Because there's something bothering you, and if you didn't want to tell me about it, you wouldn't have come in here. So tell me."

Derek sighed as he sat down on the edge of her bed. "I've been really selfish."

Addison couldn't help but laugh; she wasn't quite sure how it was possible to understand him yet be completely bewildered by him at the same time. "Derek, you've been completely _unselfish_ throughout this entire ordeal."

But Derek shook his head. "Not about this. Just… about things. I've been selfish because I've been putting my own happiness first for so long, and it isn't fair to you."

"Where is all this coming from?" she wondered, a little bit confused by his sudden apology.

"I… talked to Mark today."

"Mark as in _Mark_?" she questioned, and when Derek nodded, she wondered further, "God, what did he want?"

"He said that he heard you were sick."

Addison just shook her head and said jokingly, "I love your sister, Derek, but Nancy has _got_ to learn to mind her own business."

But Derek was set in his seriousness. "I just want you to know that if you still love him—if you want to be with him—I'll do my best to forgive and forget. I won't hold a grudge or freak out that he's in Elle's life. You deserve to be happy and loved, and if it's Mark, then I'll just get over it." Pausing to draw in a sharp breath, he asked, "Do you love him?"

It was such a loaded question, and she didn't really have a direct answer. "It's been a long time. I thought I did once, but… I'm not really sure. But then again, there's not much that I'm sure about lately anyway."

"Maybe you should talk to him," he suggested with a smile.

"You think so? Seriously?" When he nodded in affirmation, she decided, "Okay, then maybe I will. I still can't believe that he called you, though."

"He didn't call."

"Then how did he…" she started to ask but stopped abruptly when she came to a realization. "Don't tell me he's in _Seattle_."

"He'll be back at the hospital tomorrow morning," Derek reported, and Addison covered her mouth in shock.

"Oh, my God," she managed to whisper.

"Yeah," he replied simply. Then and there, he came to the conclusion that nothing in any of their lives was ever going to be easy. But then again, that was part of the charm and the challenge.


	23. Chapter 23: Waiting on an Angel

**_Chapter Twenty-Three: Waiting on an Angel_**

_Waiting on an angel  
One to carry me home  
Hope you come to see me soon,  
_'_Cause I don't want to go alone,  
I don't want to go alone_

Ben Harper

…

Mark took a deep breath as he walked through Seattle Grace's main entrance the next morning. He wasn't the type of person to get nervous; he was used to being confident and so sure of himself. But a part of him knew it was just because deep down, nothing ever really mattered to him. Until now.

"Hey, there," he smiled as he approached the receptionist, who giggled and grinned back. "I'm looking for Addison Montgomery's room, please?"

"She's in room forty-two twenty-eight," she answered right away. "Dr. Montgomery's always got visitors going in and out. But believe it or not, I think she's actually alone right now."

"Thank you… Lacey," he said with a wink, reading her name tag. And of course, it sent her into another fit of girlish giggles, not to mention a few nurses who had stopped to stare at this handsome, mysterious stranger.

When Mark finally found his way to Addison's room, he didn't go inside right away. He had never been one of those people who planned what they were going to say, but he wanted to get this right. After a moment, he gathered whatever courage he could find and walked inside. "Hey, Addie," he smiled, and she completely took his breath away when she looked up at him. Even like this, she was still so beautiful.

"Mark," she sighed, but the look on her face wasn't the one she had back in New York. Instead, it was the look she'd worn in the elevator when he'd asked her to meet him at Joe's six years ago. It was the look of contemplation.

"Look, I already know what you're thinking. I'm me, so I can't be serious or actually mean what I say. But just hear me out, all right?"

"Fine," she agreed. However, she was hardly expecting what he was going to say next.

"I know that when it comes to you, I've made a lot of mistakes. I've hurt you over and over, and I'm sorry. But Addison, I love you. For a long time, I tried to fight it because the thought of caring about someone that much scared me, but I've finally realized that the only thing that can ever really make me happy is loving you. You make me a better person, Addie. You said it's complicated, but the way I see it… it isn't really."

That was the first time since she'd known Mark Sloan that he'd ever said anything with complete sincerity. Maybe he had changed in the time they'd been apart. Maybe he really did mean it when he said that he loved her. And maybe… she loved him, too. But that just made what she had to say next even harder. "But it _is_ complicated, Mark."

"If you're worried about what Derek thinks—" he started, but Addison interrupted.

"I'm not, and even if I were, he's fine with this. With us. Hypothetically."

"So, what's the problem, then?"

"The problem, Mark, is that I have cancer, and I'm undergoing major surgery tomorrow and… Even if I do get better, it's going to take a lot to get there. And there's always the chance that… I just don't want to make any plans right now."

"I'd rather have a month knowing that you were mine than a lifetime knowing that you never were," he confessed. "I want to stay in Seattle with you; I want to take care of you, Addison. We'll just take it day by day, and whatever happens… happens. I just want to be with you for as long as we have together."

He was making it sound so simple, but she knew that it wouldn't be. "If it was just me, then maybe. But I have a daughter to think about now, and a relationship with me means a relationship with her. Elle is going through so much, and I refuse to put her through more pain than she needs to go through. How do I know that you're going to stick around when things get hard?"

"I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but I will," he promised her with a smile. "It's a mistake I won't make again, all right? And Elena is an added bonus. She's just like you. How could I not want to hang around for her?"

As much as she wanted to say yes, she still wasn't completely convinced. "Mark, I don't know. I'm sorry, but I have to think of Elena first. There are some things that will break her heart that I can't control… but there are some things that I can."

"Addie, just tell me what I can do to get you to believe that I'm not leaving you again," he sighed, sitting down on the foot of the bed. "I'll do whatever you ask."

"I need to know that if something happens to me, you'll still stick around for Elle," she replied. "I need to know that you'll be there for her no matter what."

He nodded. "Okay. I can do that."

"I mean it, Sloan. She needs an adult; she needs stability. You don't get to be cool Uncle Mark who buys her things and gets her out of trouble, who shows up out of nowhere every few months and leaves just as quickly as he came."

"Can't I just be cool Uncle Mark who buys her things and gets her out of trouble, but is still a reliable source of stability?" he wondered, grinning. "I think I can do that better."

"She doesn't have ballet today. Why don't you pick her up from school and spend the afternoon getting to know her?" Addison suggested.

"All right," he agreed, although he hadn't the slightest idea how he was going to entertain a six-year-old for an entire afternoon.

…

"I'm Mark Sloan. I'm here to pick up Elena Montgomery-Shepherd," he told the school receptionist awkwardly; he could honestly say it was the first time he'd ever played dad.

"Ah, yes, Dr. Sloan. Dr. Montgomery called earlier to say that you would be here for Elena. She's in classroom two-eighteen. I'll have her called, if you'll just wait one moment." He nodded, and while they waited, she continued, "You know, I'm so glad that Elena has so many people to look after her—especially now, with her mother so ill."

"It takes a village," he replied, and smiled when he saw Elena. "Hey, Peanut."

"Oh, God. What happened?" she asked, eyes wide with panic when she saw him.

"Huh? Nothing. I'm here to pick you up from school," he explained, but the little girl was still staring at him questioningly.

"Do my mom and dad know you're here?" Elena questioned skeptically.

He assured her that they did. "Your mom's the one who wanted me to come get you. She thinks it would be a good idea for the two of us to spend the afternoon together so we can get to know one another."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. C'mon, let's go," he answered, ushering her toward the door.

"_That's_ your car?" she gasped in disbelief as they approached the black sports car—the type of car that her mother would absolutely _never_ let her ride in knowingly. When he said that it was, slightly amused at her reaction, she traced the hood delicately with her tiny hand. "This is beautiful. I can't believe I actually get to ride in one of these!"

"You like cars?"

"I like this car," she replied and climbed in after he'd opened the door for her. "So, where are we going, anyway?"

"Actually, I was sort of hoping you'd be able to come up with something. I have to be honest—I'm not real sure what to do with you," he confessed. "I usually don't spend that much time around kids, you know?"

But Elena smiled. "If it helps, just think of me as a really short adult," she suggested and giggled at his awkwardness. "If you're hungry, I know a great place that you might like. But I have to warn you… it's not a five-star Manhattan restaurant. Can you handle it?"

Now, much more at ease, Mark replied, "Kid, you're talking to the guy who used to have contests with your dad to see how many Sloppy Joes we could put down in five minutes. I can handle it."

"I hope that was when you were kids," she teased, although he had caught her interest. Apparently Mark and her father had been friends for some time, but he had never mentioned Mark to her before. Or at least not by name.

"Yeah, it was when we were kids. Your dad and I pretty much grew up together; my parents weren't exactly the family type, but the Shepherds—they were my family."

"You know what? I'm not really hungry anymore. Can we go for a walk in the park instead?"

For the next two hours, Mark indulged Elena with stories from his and Derek's childhood, with the little girl clinging to every word he spoke. "Oh, and I'll never forget the first time your dad introduced me to your mom. I swear, it was hate at first sight."

"Seriously? You two really _hated_ each other at first?" Elena questioned, finding it hard to believe.

"Oh, yeah," he nodded, grinning at the memory. "I thought she was going to steal my best friend, and she thought I was an arrogant jerk. It was probably six months before we were actually civil. She came to me when she couldn't figure out what to get Derek for his birthday. We looked for two weeks for an original copy of that book he liked so much."

"_The Sun Also Rises_?" she wondered, thinking of the tattered book from which her father had taught her to read.

"Yeah, that's the one. I wonder if he still has it."

"He does," she told him and watched him smile. "He gave it to Leni, but she brought it with her to Seattle. When I was old enough to learn to read, he gave it to me."

"Why don't we sit down for a while?" he suggested, noticing an empty bench.

"What's the matter?" she wondered, noticing the look on his face. Personally, she'd been having a very nice afternoon and until then thought the same was true for him.

"I'm just not real sure how all this is gonna work out, Peanut. I've spent the whole afternoon reminiscing about how things used to be, and I know that no matter how hard I try, things won't be that way again. I made some mistakes that I'm not real sure how to fix."

"Everything changes, Mark. And it's okay to make mistakes; how else can you learn? If you're worried about my daddy, then you should just talk to him. Tell him you're sorry for whatever you did, and if you really mean it, he'll know," she advised.

"Maybe you're right."

"My mommy being sick has put things into perspective for him, I think," she said suddenly. "It has for everyone, really. We don't have enough time to waste it on being angry; I think he knows that now."

For the hundredth time that day, Elena amazed him with her wisdom and maturity. It completely bewildered him how a child her age could be so grown up, but she just was. With everything that she was going through and everything she must have been feeling—because she was obviously well aware of the situation—she handled herself so gracefully.

"Mark, will you do me a favor?"

"Yeah, of course. Anything."

"All of my mommy's doctors… they're all strangers. I don't know them, but I know that she's just a surgery and not a person to them. I can't be in there with her tomorrow, so will you? Will you help me look after her, Mark?" she asked.

"For the rest of my life, if that's okay with you," he promised, and Elena nodded.


	24. Chapter 24: How to Save a Life

**_Chapter Twenty-Four: How to Save a Life_**

_Step one, you say, "We need to talk."  
__He walks; you say, "Sit down, it's just a talk."  
__He stares politely back at you  
__You stare politely right on through  
__Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came  
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness and  
I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

The Fray

…

Despite the inevitable, constant chaos of Seattle Grace, Derek and Elena had managed to escape—even if only momentarily—to the still quiet of an empty office. The little girl was sitting on her father's lap, wrapped safely in his arms, holding tightly to the surgical cap that her mother had been wearing the day of Elena's first operation. Earlier that day, the little girl had worn it for her presentation, although the entire time mindful of what her mother was about to go through.

"Daddy, will you explain the procedure to me?" she requested in a tiny, tired voice.

But Derek knew that it was solely just to break the silence, yet he began a detailed explanation anyway. After all, the silence was getting a little hard to bear. "And then you'll be able to go in and see her," he concluded, doing his best to sound positive.

"Is she gonna be in pain?"

He nodded. "She'll be given some pretty strong pain medicine for the first few days, but after that… Yeah, she'll probably have some pain for a while."

"Okay," she sighed, doing her best not to show her fear.

"Anything else you want to know?" he offered, desperate to do anything and everything he could to make both himself and his daughter feel a little bit better. If it was even possible.

But the little girl just shook her head and gingerly moved her fingers over the soft cotton of the cap. "No, not right now. Can we talk about something else?"

"Wanna tell me about your day yesterday?"

"Mark picked me up from school, and then we went to the park and talked," she recounted, then added nonchalantly, "He talked about you a lot."

"Really?" Derek questioned, genuinely surprised. "What did he say?"

"He just told me a bunch of stories about when you two were kids," she reported, finally able to smile. "He told me about the time he and Mommy went looking for your book."

"He remembered that?"

"You sound surprised," she commented, even though she knew that her father's opinion of Mark was very different from her own. She saw a nice man who loved her mother, and he saw something else. "He remembered a lot of things, Daddy. You know, whatever he did to make you so mad at him… I think he's really sorry. I think you should at least try to talk to him again."

Derek sighed and rested his chin atop Elena's soft hair. He couldn't tell her what had happened… why they were at odds in the first place. It was hard to make her understand his point of view when he couldn't even express it, but there were some things that even someone like Elena just didn't need to know right now. "Some things are just really hard to forgive, Princess."

"You should try anyway," she insisted. "I'm pretty sure that he's going to be around for a while."

"What makes you think that? Did he say something?"

"Daddy…" she began, and turned to look him in the eye. She stopped for a moment, trying to find the right words to say without sounding like she was choosing sides. "Mark is in love with Mommy. And, well, she needs someone to be in love with her. I think he might even want to marry her, but he didn't say that."

"What do you think of him, Elle? Be honest," Derek wondered. Elena always seemed able to find the good in people, and if anyone could convince him that there was any goodness in his former friend, it would be her.

"When it comes to being a parent, he's totally clueless; he's gonna need my help really badly. But he wants to try because he cares. He said he would help us take care of Mommy. Maybe a long time ago, he made a bad mistake, but he really seems to want to make it better."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt," Mark said, appearing suddenly in the doorway. He had obviously just come out of the OR; the light blue surgical cap that he was still wearing was a dead giveaway. "She's out of surgery now. Everything went great, and if you want to see her, I can take you."

"She's okay?" Elena questioned as though it wasn't true until he said it once again.

"Yeah, she's okay," he assured her. "She's still a little bit groggy from the anesthesia, but she's asking for you."

Elena took hold of her father's hand, and the three of them walked in silence to the elevator. She noticed that the tension between her father and Mark wasn't at all as bad as it had been that time in the waiting room, yet they still said nothing.

"Hey, Mommy. It's me," she whispered softly as she walked up to her mother's bed. She did her best to ignore the tubes and monitors, but they still made her a little bit nervous.

"My beautiful little angel. My brave little girl," Addison said groggily, although she managed to place her hand reassuringly against her daughter's soft, warm cheek.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked, sounding entirely too much like an adult, as she ran her fingers through her mother's hair.

"I am now that you're here, Sweetie," Addison assured her with a sleepy smile.

Meanwhile, both Mark and Derek were watching quietly in the doorway, not wanting to spoil the moment. Derek wasn't quite sure what came over him in that moment, but he suddenly found himself turning to Mark and offering, "You wanna go grab a drink?"

…

"How's she doing?" Miranda wondered, going to pay her friend a quick visit before she headed home. Of course, she already knew that the surgery went perfectly—everyone in the hospital knew—but she just wanted to see for herself that things were fine.

Elena, who was holding onto Addison's hand as she sat in a chair pulled up next to the bed, lifted her head and answered, "A nurse just came to check on her, and everything was okay. She can't really stay awake because they've got her on a lot of pain medicine. But I'd rather that she slept through the painful stuff anyway."

"And how are you doing?" she asked, also pulling up a chair and taking a seat.

"I'm fine. Did William tell you how well we did on our project?"

She nodded and smiled. "He did. I'm very proud of you two, and I know that your mom is, too."

"Meredith brought me to see her this morning before school, and she told me that she was proud of me. I wanted to tell her about it, but I should let her sleep instead."

Miranda knew that Elena was the type to try to take all the responsibility upon herself without hesitation or complaint. To hold everything inside herself while insisting that things were fine and that she was all right just to make sure that everyone else around her felt comfortable. "Elle… I don't think you're really fine about this. Are you?"

"If I'm worried, it means that I believe there's a chance that she won't get better, and I just can't believe something like that. My mommy is going to get better. She _has _to get better. Heaven already has Leni, and I'm not giving Addison up without a fight," she told her with the sad smile of someone who carried the weight of the world on her tiny shoulders. "So Aunt Miranda, I can't worry; I have to be fine so she will be, too."

…

"Double scotch, single malt," Derek told Joe as he and Mark took a seat at the bar.

"Same for me," Mark seconded.

Joe looked at them skeptically for a moment before wondering, "Should I really even bother asking?"

Derek shrugged and answered laughingly, "I don't think I'd have an answer for you."

"So, how's Addie doing? Alex called and said everything went well."

Mark smiled as he reported, "It was textbook; she's doing great."

"Glad to hear it," Joe replied, pouring their drinks. "Okay, I'm gonna walk away for a minute to go serve my other customers. Do I need to keep an eye on you two?"

But Mark just laughed. "I can't think of anything I've done lately that deserves a punch in the face, so I think we'll be all right." When it was just the two of them, he turned to Derek, took a sip of his drink, and remarked, "So, I'm guessing there's a reason we're here."

"I wanted to say… thank you."

"That sounded sincere," he commented, eyebrow raised in bewilderment. "What's going on?"

"Don't get me wrong; a part of me still wants to punch you in the jaw. But the other part of me—the part that's ready to put the past aside and let go of this grudge I've been holding—is thankful. Addison and I… our marriage was over before the affair, and if it hadn't happened, I never would have moved to Seattle. I never would have met Meredith, and I wouldn't have the life I have today," Derek found himself admitting. Surprisingly, letting go of all those years of anger and bitterness made him feel better than he had in a while.

"We didn't do it to hurt you, Derek. It was wrong, and I'm sorry," Mark said, taking his turn at the apology. "You've always been a good friend, and… I haven't. I wasn't. But I'm not that guy anymore. I've finally come to the realization that… I am an ass."

"Yeah, you are," he laughed. He literally couldn't remember the last time he and Mark had talked this way.

"My whole life, I've envied you, Derek. You've always had family, people who love you. I thought that if I couldn't have that, the next best thing was to act like I didn't want it at all. But I do."

"Are you sure? Because if you hurt Addison and Elena, I swear—" Derek started to threaten, but Mark interrupted.

"I'm sure."


	25. Chapter 25: Life Is Beautiful

**_Chapter Twenty-Five: Life Is Beautiful_**

_Yeah, life is beautiful  
Our hearts, they beat and break  
When you run away from harm,  
Will you run back into my arms  
Like you did when you were young?  
Will you come back to me?  
I will hold you tightly  
When the hurting kicks in  
Life is beautiful, but it's complicated  
And we barely make it  
We don't need to understand  
There are miracles  
__Miracles_

Vega 4

…

"Hey. Happy Valentine's Day," Meredith smiled upon discovering Alex already sitting on a gurney in their abandoned hallway. As she sat down next to him, she reached into his bag of potato chips and took a handful.

"You, too. Any big plans tonight?"

She just shrugged and answered, "My dad and stepmom are taking the kids for the night, but Derek and I are just going to stay home, I think." After a brief pause, she added mischievously, "Derek and I will have our own little party."

"Nice," he laughed, patting her on the shoulder.

"Burke and Cristina are going to the restaurant where they had their first official date… and George actually asked Olivia out. Can you believe it?" she remarked, still as much in astonishment as when Elena had reported it to her a few days before after she overheard them speaking at school. "What about you? Do you and Izzie have anything planned?"

"I wanted to do something special because Iz just seems so upset lately. I don't know what's wrong," he began and decided to confide in Meredith; maybe she would have some answers for him. "The other day, I found her sitting on the bed, holding her favorite black dress and just… sobbing. When I asked her what was wrong, she started going on about how she wasn't attractive anymore." With a look of pure sincerity, he said, "I think she's hot with no makeup, wearing one of my old t-shirts and sweatpants. Why would she think that?"

As her pager went off, she assured him, "Don't worry. It's nothing. Well, it's _something_, but… you'll see."

"What do you know that I don't, Grey?" he called out after her, but she was already halfway up the stairs.

"Someone paged 911?" she questioned a nurse when she finally arrived in the ER.

"That would be me," someone answered from behind, and she grinned as she heard Derek's voice.

"Why am I not surprised?" she giggled, completely forgetting that anyone aside from them happened to be in the room. "Did you want something?"

Leaning closer and whispering so that only she could hear, he answered, "To go find an empty exam room," to which she responded by slapping him playfully on the arm and turning bright red, looking around to see if anyone had heard him. "Seriously, though, let's get out of here for a minute."

"Okay," she agreed and followed him out of the ER and into an empty elevator. "This brings back a lot of memories," she smiled, recalling the numerous times throughout the years that they'd used the elevators as their own private momentary escape.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he wondered with a mischievous grin.

"Derek, don't," she laughed as her husband proceeded to stop the elevator and, for a little while at least, stopping everything else except for themselves.

…

"Hey, are you okay? Do you need a wheelchair or something?" Alex questioned as he met Izzie once she arrived at Seattle Grace. She had just called him, complaining of a pain in her stomach, and wanted him to do an ultrasound to make sure it wasn't anything serious. Or so she had told him.

"No, I can walk. The pain is intermittent, and I don't feel anything right now," she smiled reassuringly and followed him into an exam room.

"Both the girls are feeling okay, right? Neither of them is sick?"

She shook her head. "Just me."

"All right," he nodded, setting everything up for the ultrasound. "Aside from the stomach thing, are you feeling okay? You know I think you're beautiful, right?"

Izzie put her hand up to his cheek and he leaned down to kiss her softly on the lips. "I know you do."

"Let's see what's in there giving you all this trouble, then," he smiled and started the ultrasound.

However, instead of watching the screen, Izzie was instead watching her husband's face attentively; she wanted to see the exact moment when he realized that he was going to be a father once again. He had always wanted a big family because he didn't really have one growing up, and Izzie knew how much it meant to him.

"I don't see anything right here, but I—" he started, then paused abruptly as he stared disbelievingly at the screen. "Uh, Izzie…"

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" she asked with a grin.

"You know already? How long have you known?" he wondered, smiling, finding it difficult to tear his eyes from the monitor. "The baby looks about six weeks along."

"I've known for about a month. I wanted to find a good way to tell you because I know how much you want another baby, and Addison suggested this. Happy Valentine's Day."

Alex quickly wiped the gel from her stomach and immediately placed his hand there. "Hey, there little guy. Or girl," he whispered softly and excitedly. "Only about eight more months until we officially get to meet." To Izzie, he wondered, "Do you want to find out what we're having?"

"We didn't for the girls, so I think we should this time. Would you be upset if it was another girl? I know how much you'd love to have a son," she wondered, sitting upright on the table.

He sighed and took a seat next to her. "Iz, this kid is half you and half me. He or she is a life that we made together. I don't care what we have as long as it's a healthy baby. I love this baby no matter what."

…

As quietly as she could, Elena crept downstairs late that evening. She couldn't bear another minute of staring blankly at the ceiling, so she decided to sneak off to the kitchen to have a bit more of the macaroni and cheese that Mark had made for dinner. However, the glow of the television from the living room captured her attention, assuring her that she wasn't the only one who couldn't seem to fall asleep.

"What're you doing up so late?" Mark wondered, noticing that it was nearly eleven o'clock. "Is your mom all right?"

"She's okay. I can't sleep, though," she sighed, taking a seat beside him on the sofa.

"Yeah, me neither."

"What's on your mind?" she wondered.

"You first."

Elena shrugged. "It's nothing in particular… just a lot of little things, you know? It's not all bad things, though. Izzie and Alex are going to have another baby, so that's really exciting. Meredith said Alex was showing the ultrasound to everyone in the hospital. Izzie just told him today."

"That sounds like a great Valentine's Day surprise," Mark commented, feeling like he was having a conversation with an old friend instead of the love of his life's six-year-old. But then again, he and Elena had gotten to know one another well over the past few weeks, and it was almost like he'd been with them all along.

"And… I also can't stop thinking about Mommy starting with chemo and all that cancer stuff again. She's only just starting to feel better from the surgery, and it's to feel sick all over again," she finally admitted—a confession that she wouldn't have dared to make to anyone else.

Mark put his hand on her shoulder reassuringly. "I know it's scary, but all this stuff is to try and get her well again. I don't like seeing her sick or hurting either, Peanut, but it's always hard before it gets easier. After a storm, what do you get?"

"A rainbow?" she guessed.

"Exactly," he nodded. "So try not to worry just yet, okay?"

"I can't help it; I love her too much not to worry."

Mark sighed. Elena was being honest with him, so he decided that maybe it would be all right to confide in her as well. "Me, too. But the good news is that we can worry together now."

The little girl smiled, finding unexpected comfort in knowing that despite their fear of what the future would hold, at least neither was alone in that fear. "Okay, your turn."

"My turn?"

"I told you why I couldn't sleep. Now you," she commanded and waited intently for him to answer.

With a sigh, Mark reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny black box. He stared at it for a moment before placing it into Elena's hand.

"It's so beautiful!" she gasped quietly, upon discovering the gorgeous diamond ring inside. "It's for Mommy, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Do you think she'd really say yes if I asked?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. I mean, she actually let you stay with us, which is a big deal. She never gets close to any men because she's so worried about us getting attached and having him leave." With a smile, she added, "But I guess this means you aren't leaving."

"No, I'm not leaving," he assured her. "I just figured it would be a little bit too cliché to propose on Valentine's Day."

"Well, it all depends on how you do it. Valentine's Day is traditionally the most romantic day of the year, so how you ask is what makes it cliché or not."

After hearing that come out of her mouth, he couldn't do anything but stare at her for a moment. He hadn't spent much time around kids, but he never met any who knew all the things that Elena did. Come to think of it, he wasn't certain that many adults who managed to see the world quite the way that she did. Even Addison had no idea how Elena had come to have that particular sort of old-souled wisdom. "_How_ do you know all this?"

"Do you have any _idea_ how many times I've seen _An Affair to Remember_ and _Casablanca_ and every single Audrey Hepburn movie?" she questioned in a tone that hinted that she could probably quote each movie verbatim. "A few times, Mommy and I stayed up all night and watched all those old romantic movies. "

"Seriously?" he wondered. He'd had no idea that Addison liked that sort of thing.

"Yep. She said she has a thing for all that classic romance stuff." She then handed back the ring and started toward the TV. "Ingrid Bergman or Deborah Kerr?" she asked, holding up two movies.

"Um… Ingrid."

"Okay," she nodded and started the movie. She then left the room briefly, returning to hand Mark a glittery red envelope. "It's really dumb, but our teacher made us do it. Good night," she said hastily, hugging him before hurrying back upstairs.

Upon opening the envelope, Mark discovered a handmade Valentine's Day card, covered in sparkling hearts with a smiling, cherubic cupid in the center. Inside was a note written in Elena's neat, loopy handwriting.

_Dear Mark,_

_Thank you for being here with us. I know that none of this is easy for you, but it means a lot to us that you're here. Especially to me. Just between the two of us, I've noticed how much happier Mommy is now that you're here. I hope that you'll stay around for a while. Or longer, if you want to. Happy Valentine's Day!_

_Love, Elle_


	26. Chapter 26: Home

**_Chapter Twenty-Six: Home_**

_You came and wrapped your arms around my soul  
And we were shaking and you're so much a part of me  
And so this is why I'm here  
When we called you, you came so fast  
And sat beside me while hours and days passed  
I'll always thank you for that  
And there you were with your heart made of gold  
So strong, the only thing holding us up  
And we knew you would always be so close  
And so this is why I'm here  
And then there was you_

Azure Ray

…

"McSteamy!" Meredith gasped when he suddenly appeared next to her that morning. "What're you doing at the hospital?"

"Addison's getting her chemo treatment, so I'm waiting around until she's done," he explained, then paused. "McSteamy?" he repeated, completely amused. Meredith opened her mouth to start explaining, but he said simply, "I'd rather not even know. So, how's my favorite Dirty Mistress these days? It's been a while."

"Unfortunately, I don't think I'm a Dirty Mistress anymore," she answered in playfully exaggerated regret. "Apparently, marriage made an honest woman out of me. And you… you're back in Seattle."

He nodded. "I am. Not real sure what I'm doing here, though. People do crazy things for love, I guess."

There was a change in Mark that Meredith couldn't help but notice. The only way she could think to describe it was that he had… grown up, so to speak. He had gone from an overconfident, arrogant ladies' man to the guy who read bedtime stories to a six-year-old and carried around a ring in his pocket because he was too afraid to propose. Elena had let the information about the ring slip to Meredith, but she promised to keep it quiet.

"The good news is that if Derek walks up to us right now, I'm not gonna get punched in the jaw," he joked.

"Derek mentioned that you two _finally_ made up. It's good for both of you, and it'll make things easier on Elena," Meredith remarked, and Mark nodded in agreement. "This has to be a big change from the life you've been used to."

"You know what? As different as it is—and believe me, it's definitely not the life I ever thought I would lead or even want—I'm actually happy," he admitted. It was the first time he'd said it out loud, said it that way, and it surprised him a little bit. It scared him, too, but it wasn't something that made him want to turn and walk away. "I like the whole dad-ish thing. Elle is the coolest kid, and getting to see things from her point of view is just… amazing." He paused and added quickly, "Did I really just say that?"

Meredith giggled, finding this new version of Mark surprisingly pleasant. "I get it. I never thought I'd be a mother, either. But Elle and Hayden and Aida—I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like without them. Once you become a parent, you become this whole other person that you never even knew was inside you."

Her words completely explained everything he was feeling. He was a different person now—a better person that he ever thought he could be. For the first time, he was thinking of something greater than himself, and to his surprise, it was an amazing feeling; it was a feeling that he never wanted to lose.

…

"Aaron, I mean it. Come out right now!" Cristina ordered in exasperation as she searched the apartment for her youngest son. "Burke, help me find him!"

"Check behind the couch," he suggested, busy tending to Lillian, cooking dinner, and helping both Oliver and Elena with their homework. Cristina had just gotten home from the hospital and was probably beyond exhausted, and he knew that Aaron would definitely test her limits.

Of course, that's exactly where he was, and he giggled as Cristina dragged him out into the open. "Okay, _so_ not funny," she told him, but the two-year-old apparently found it hilarious. "Come on, Giggles, let's get you washed up and in your pajamas."

"What're you laughing at, Daddy?" Oliver wondered, looking up from his math homework to see his father grinning and shaking his head.

"Your mom just makes me smile," he answered, quietly amused at the way his wife went about things, especially when it came to the children. Their parenting styles were certainly different—he was calm and quietly disciplinary while she was straightforward and blunt—but they were complimentary.

Elena piped up, "My daddy laughs at Meredith all the time, but not in a mean way. He thinks it's funny 'cause she can't cook or 'cause she yells at the TV when the characters do something she doesn't want. He thinks it's _charming_."

"Charming. Exactly," Preston agreed. "How's that paper coming along, Elle? Your dad told me the first draft was due tomorrow. Your mom also mentioned it when she and Mark brought your suitcase to the hospital."

"I'll be done before dinner," she assured him. Her mother's chemo treatments had started once again, so it was back to staying with Meredith and her father for a while. However, Oliver had insisted that Elena stay the night, and Cristina and Burke had gladly agreed.

"What about you, Oliver? Is that the same math we went over yesterday?" He could hardly believe that his five-year-old's curriculum already consisted of basic times tables, but Rosebrook was the best school in the city and would prepare him well.

"I get them now, I think. I just need to memorize the fives, and then I'm done," he reported, in deep concentration.

A moment later, Cristina returned with Aaron in tow—now in his dinosaur footy pajamas. "Please tell me that whatever you're cooking is delicious and fattening," she practically pleaded, taking Lillian into her arms.

"Chicken Rochambeau," he answered as he attended to his rendition of one of his mother's favorite dishes. "Just like Mama makes it."

"My favorite thing about Mama," Cristina said laughingly. It was surprising how well she and Burke's mother got along now; ever since she found out that Cristina and Burke were expecting Oliver, she had been the picture of an ideal mother-in-law. "Elle, how's your paper going? Both Meredith _and_ Mark told me to be sure that you had it done. Seriously, like you'd forget or something. You're probably more responsible than any of us," she smiled. In a way, Elena kind of belonged to all of them; she was _their_ McBaby—their first truly great collaboration as surgeons. And certainly their most memorable.

"All done. Will you read it after dinner?"

"Sure. It'll be Aaron's bedtime story," she laughed, and upon hearing the mention of his name, little Aaron begin his antics once again. "You're the reason that people drink tequila, kiddo" she told her youngest son teasingly, and both Preston and Elena burst into laughter while Aaron relished in the attention.

…

"Addie, you okay in there?" Mark asked from outside the bathroom door. She had been in there for an hour now, all the while insisting that he remain exactly where he was. "I promise I've seen worse."

"I'm fine," she practically whimpered, and he had finally had enough of doing nothing.

It broke his heart when he opened the door to find her half kneeling, half lying on the bathroom floor near the toilet, her head rested exhaustedly on her arm. She looked up at him when he walked in but didn't argue. Instead, when he knelt on the floor beside her and pulled her hair back, she started to cry.

"Hey, it's okay," he whispered, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"I'm so tired of this, Mark," she said tearfully. "I just can't—" she tried to continue, but the effects of the chemo were overpowering, and she succumbed to the nausea that coursed through her entire body. "This sucks."

Even in such a state, Mark was reassured to see that her dry humor was still intact. "Yeah, doesn't look like much fun," he joked then proceeded to wipe her face with a damp towel.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done to Mark Sloan?"

"What are you talking about?"

Addison sighed. "Mark, these past few weeks, you have been amazing. You've been there when I needed you. You've cooked dinner and have done laundry—which I didn't know you could do, by the way. And Elena adores you."

"I… don't see a problem," he stated in confusion. The tone in her voice hinted that there was something wrong.

"What in the world are you still doing here? The Mark I knew didn't keep promises that weren't convenient to him, and he definitely didn't do the whole family thing. But now you've come back into my life, and you've completely submersed yourself in this new existence. You're doing all the right things, and you're being so wonderful. And I don't know what to think of all this. I don't want to fall in love with you again unless I'm sure I won't get hurt."

"I won't hurt you again, Addison. It took me long enough, but I've finally realized that the only time I was ever really happy was when I was with you. I love you, and I'm going to be here for you, no matter what," he said softly. "I'd rather know that you were mine for a month than go a lifetime knowing that I missed out on a single minute with you."

She smiled, and he took her hand into his. Maybe she would regret it, but she decided to believe him. "I think I'm finally done in here. I just wanna lie down in my bed instead of on this cold tile."

Mark helped her stand while she brushed her teeth—three times, which he found a little bit amusing, but completely understandable. And, to her surprise, he lifted her up into his arms. He then carried her down the hall and into her room, where he placed her gently onto the bed and pulled the blankets over her. "Comfortable? Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No, I'm all right," she answered, surprised at the sudden emergence of butterflies in her stomach.

"Okay," he nodded, and kissed her forehead. "Just call out if you need something," he instructed before turning to go to the guest room that had become his own.

However, she suddenly found herself speaking. "Mark, wait. There _is_ something I need. Would you… please sleep in here tonight?"

"Seriously?" he questioned, eyebrow raised.

"Just sleep," she added with a grin, knowing exactly where his mind was wandering. After all, some things just didn't change.

"I guess it's a start," he shrugged playfully and climbed into the bed beside her, and she rested her head on his chest. "God, I missed this," he whispered, not realizing that he'd spoken out loud.

"Me, too," she seconded, her voice laced with exhaustion and the beginning of sleep.

Mark's thoughts went to the diamond ring that sat in the top drawer of his bedside table. He wanted so badly to ask her, to hear her say yes. But despite everything, he still wasn't sure that she would. The moment had to be perfect—Addison deserved a perfect moment—so he would wait. "Sweet dreams, Addie," he said gently, but her soft, even breath sounds told him that she was already fast asleep.

He smiled to himself as he realized that, finally, he was home.


	27. Chapter 27: A Cold Wind

**_Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Cold Wind Will Blow Through Your Door_**

_Night will follow day  
__Sure as the sun and moon  
Remember I will always be with you  
__If I'm out of words to say  
And I understand you  
When you see a darkness coming through  
Remember to keep warm  
__Take shelter from the storm  
The night will not last for much more  
I wrote in a small note  
Put on your winter coat  
A cold wind will blow through your door_

Bill Ricchini

…

"Hi, Addie!" Hayden grinned, hugging her as she opened the door, with Meredith and Aida not far behind.

"Hey, Hayden," she smiled in return, lifting the four-year-old up into her arms. Most people found it strange that she was so close to her ex-husband's children, not to mention Derek and Meredith. However, they were, and would always be, such an important part of Elena's and her life. Each time that Derek found out that Meredith was pregnant, Addison had been his first call. She remembered flying out to Seattle for Hayden's birth, being one of the first to hold the tiny little boy in her arms. From the very beginning, she had been there to watch them grow. And, no matter what the past circumstances may have been, the attachment to both Hayden and little Aida was inevitable.

"Sweetie, Addie isn't feeling well. You should get down," Meredith told her son while Aida contently sucked on her bottle, although her big blue eyes were wide open and taking in everything. She knew that Addison was alone that afternoon—Elena was with Derek and Mark was out of town—and probably bored out of her mind, so she'd offered to keep her friend company until Derek brought Elena home.

However, her first round of post-surgery chemotherapy was finally done, and she was feeling surprisingly well. Addison assured her, "It's okay. Really, I feel fine today. Come on it; it's freezing out here."

"You know what?" Hayden began, after a moment of staring intently at Addison.

"What?" she wondered playfully.

"You don't look sick. You look pretty," he said, very sincerely.

At that moment, Addison noticed just how much the little boy was starting to look like Derek. He had Meredith's sandy hair and delicate nose, but his blue eyes were purely his father's. And, of course, he had his father's charm. "You are absolutely my favorite person today," she smiled. Then turning her attention to the little girl in Meredith's arms, she wondered, "How's Aida feeling today?"

"I think the worst of it is over," Meredith answered. For the past few days, the little girl had been fighting off a terrible cold. "She slept through the night last night, and she woke up smiling, so I think we're in the clear. And Hayden didn't catch it, so that's a miracle in itself."

"It's Lydia and Sophie and Oliver's birthdays coming up, so I'm really happy I'm not sick because I want to go to their parties," Hayden explained excitedly.

However, just then, Aida started to get fussy and dropped her bottle onto the ground; Meredith, of course, knew exactly what it meant. "Looks like somebody needs a diaper change. Do you mind if we use your bathroom? Then I promise to be good company and actually come out and socialize."

"Of course I don't mind. Go ahead," Addison permitted, then offered, "Do you want any coffee? I was thinking of making some."

"Sounds great!" Meredith called from down the hall.

Addison sat Hayden down onto the counter while she busied herself making the coffee. "Are you hungry or thirsty or anything? Elle baked cookies last night," she offered the little boy, who had suddenly occupied himself with the roses that Mark had sent to Addison while he was back in New York taking care of a few things before his permanent move to Seattle.

"No, not really. Wanna see what I can do?"

"Okay," she smiled and watched as Hayden deliberately untied his shoe and then proceeded to tie it back, slowly and with deep concentration. "That's great, Sweetheart," she praised him.

"Elle taught me how," he told her happily. "It took kind of long, but she kept showing me, and now I can do it. Did you teach Elle how?"

She nodded and couldn't help but grin at the memory of her determined three-year-old. It had only taken a few tries before she had it down perfectly, her tiny hands moving gracefully and delicately. Even from such a young age, Elena already had that natural ability that some surgeons couldn't acquire even after decades of practice.

"Hey, Addie?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you gonna get better soon?"

"What?" The question caught her completely off-guard. It wasn't any surprise that he would know that things weren't right; she was sure that he had been hearing talk of it for quite some time now. Still, she just hadn't expected him to pick up on it so attentively.

"Elle is sad because she's scared that you won't get better," he revealed, and Addison felt her heart sink with his words. She'd had no idea that Elena was still worried that way. "She was crying one day, and I saw her, and she told me. But she said not to tell." After realizing that he'd just spilled everything, he looked up at Addison and, covering his mouth, said, "Uh-oh!"

"It's okay, Hayden," she assured him comfortingly.

"But if you do stay sick, Addie, I can make sure Elle is okay. I can protect her," he promised, just as Meredith and Aida entered the kitchen.

"All changed?" Addison wondered, although Hayden's words had nearly brought tears to her eyes.

Meredith nodded. "I can't _wait_ until this one is potty trained even though I know that once it really happens, I'm gonna cry like an idiot because my baby is growing up too fast," she laughed. "Has he been talking your ear off?"

"We've actually been having a very nice little chat," she replied, and Hayden smiled back at her.

With an impish smile, Meredith wondered, "So, exactly what's going on with you and Mark these days? Inquiring minds want to know."

Addison, who had unfortunately just taken a sip of coffee, coughed as she heard Meredith's question. "Um… well, he's in New York subletting his apartment and selling his practice," she began, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'm sure you already know, but Preston's hired him to be the Head of Plastic Surgery at Seattle Grace."

"So, are we talking wedding bells or what?" she asked outright, without hesitation. "I mean, he's moving out here, so it's gotta be serious. Is it serious?"

"I think… it might be," she confided.

…

"And then milk came out of his nose," Elena giggled, recounting the eventful lunchroom scene to her father as they walked into Seattle Grace Hospital. "It was pretty gross… but kind of funny at the same time. Of course, he got sent to Ms. Kensington's office almost right away."

Derek smiled, her tiny hand enveloped in his, as they walked through the halls. Elena was quite a little chatterbox that afternoon, much like she had been before all the chaos of the past few months, and he was enjoying every moment of her happiness. It had also been a while since it had been just the two of them spending time together, and now that she was getting older, he knew that those times would soon be even fewer.

"What are we doing here anyway?" she wondered, realizing that he hadn't given a specific reason. "Do you have a patient to check on?"

"You remember Mr. Meyner, right?" When she nodded, he explained, "He was having some numbness in is arms these past few days, so I thought it was best to observe him for a while. Turns out he needs another operation. He's been asking about you, so I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"Will he be all right, Daddy? It would be so awful if he couldn't paint anymore," the little girl remarked worriedly.

But Derek smiled and assured her, "I'll do everything I can for him, Princess."

"Ah, Dr. Shepherd! You've brought me my muse," Mr. Meyner exclaimed happily as Derek and Elena entered his room. "I have a gift for you, Elle," he told her and handed her an age-worn brown leather folder. "Go on; open it."

The little girl gasped in delight as she opened the folder to discover a beautifully drawn charcoal sketch of herself. Done in the fashion of a Leonardo da Vinci sketch, she was captured in a look of distant reflection, a calm, peaceful expression upon her face and her eyes looking away to something that remained unnamed. "Mr. Meyner, this is… Oh, my goodness!" she attempted, at a loss for words to express her awe and gratitude.

"I was wondering, my dear—once your father deciphers the cause of this exasperating numbness—if I may have your permission to add a completed version of your portrait to my collection?"

"That would be amazing!" she said excitedly. Alan Meyner's works were already classics, and Elena knew what an honor it was to be the subject of one of his portraits. As she thought more about it, rarely had she seen portraits in his collections. "Mr. Meyner, I'm very flattered, but… I thought you only painted landscapes."

Smiling, he replied simply, "So many times in life, people do not often enough stop to admire the beauty that surrounds them. My career and my mission is to remind them, in whatever form that beauty may be—whether it is in a flowered hillside or a snowy mountaintop or the innocence of a child."

Derek's pager went off, and he looked up at them. "I need to take this. Mr. Meyner, I'll come by tomorrow before your surgery. Elle, you'll have to sit at the Nurses' Station for a little while so I can deal with this."

"Well, there's no reason for the both of us to be submersed in boredom when we could be having an enlightening conversation," Mr. Meyner reasoned. "If young Elena here wouldn't mind spending a few minutes entertaining a tiresome old man like myself, I'd love to have her company."

"I'd like that very much," Elena confirmed, and Derek smiled and hurried to answer his page. "I did what you asked and painted a picture," she told him, taking a seat in the chair beside his bed.

"Did you, now? Well, tell me all about it."

"It's… of the rain," she told him and explained further, "I know it sounds kind of weird, but it was raining the night I found out that my mommy had cancer, and I felt like I wanted to paint it. It's hanging in her bedroom; she said it was beautiful, but of course she's going to think that."

"Inspiration knows no limits," he said softly, captivated by the child who sat before him. "How is your mother, Elena?"

"She's had chemo and surgery and _more_ chemo, so she should get better. But I still feel funny about it all, like it isn't going to be that easy," she confessed. The strange feeling that she'd had even before she knew about the cancer had never quite left, and a lingering sense of foreboding still remained. "It's never easy."

"My dear," he said, taking the little girl's hand into his own, "I do believe you have already come to the realization that so many are never able to reach."


	28. Chapter 28: Bring on the Rain

**_Chapter Twenty-Eight: Bring on the Rain_**

_Another day has almost come and gone  
__I can't imagine what else could go wrong  
__Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door  
__A single battle lost, but not the war  
_'_Cause tomorrow's another day  
__And I'm thirsty anyway  
__So bring on the rain_

Jo Dee Messina

…

"Hey, Lexie? Does it suck that you're stuck doing charts and babysitting me instead of in surgery? 'Cause I can go wait at the Nurses' Station if you want," Elena offered as she sat in the abandoned hallway with her aunt one Saturday afternoon. "Mommy's appointment shouldn't take that long."

"Chill, Lamb," Lexie laughed. "First, I'm the one who offered to look after you. And second, I owe Carpenter charts anyway. So it works out perfectly."

"Okay," Elena nodded, playing distractedly with the edge of her sleeve.

But Lexie noticed that something still wasn't quite right. "What's got you acting so weird, Lamb? I can deal with it when everyone else is acting strange, but it really freaks me out when you are."

"I just want things to be normal again, Lexie," she sighed resting her head on Lexie's shoulder.

"Did you not get the memo? There's no such thing as normal in our family, kid. As a matter of fact, as soon as you step through those hospital doors, normal ceases to exist."

Elena giggled, realizing that Lexie was absolutely right. Nothing in her life had ever quite been like the other kids she'd known. Then again, even Elena knew that she wasn't the same as any of the other children; everyone always teased that she was too old for her age, but she knew that it was true. And life within the walls of Seattle Grace Hospital was about as far from ordinary as you could possibly get.

"Okay, I need a break, and the rain outside is making me ridiculously sleepy," Lexie sighed as the rain suddenly began to patter heavily against the window. "Or maybe it's because I've been in this hospital for almost thirty-six hours. Whatever. The point is that I was going to ask if you wanted to get some hot cocoa."

The little girl nodded and remarked, "You should go for coffee, though. No offense, but you look like you need it."

Lexie just laughed as she took Elena by the hand and headed toward the cafeteria. With all the rain, it would inevitably be a busy day in the ER and the OR, but it was surprisingly quiet. Lexie, however, knew better than to state the fact aloud.

The indoor cafeteria was unusually crowded since no one was feeling up to braving the weather outdoors. While they were standing in line, however, Elena heard Lexie groan under her breath and turned to see Dr. Matt Carson approaching. He and Lexie had been on one date, and he was even more in love with her than before—and everyone knew it.

"Hi, Elena. Hey, Lexie," he said, his voice growing noticeably nervous when he mentioned her name, and it took every ounce of willpower Elena had in her not to start giggling uncontrollably.

"What do you want, Carson? 'Cause I've been in this hospital since five o'clock yesterday morning, and I've been doing charts all day. So I'm not exactly in a very chatty mood. So, what do you want?" she questioned bluntly.

"I—I can help with the charts, if you want me to," he stammered.

Lexie shrugged as she handed Elena the cup of hot cocoa. "Lamb, do you mind if Carson joins us?"

But the little girl shook her head. "I don't mind at all," she insisted, causing Lexie to glare down at her. But Elena just looked up at her and grinned, knowing exactly what was running through her aunt's mind. However, the child agreed with her stepmother that Lexie should give Matt Carson a chance, and she wanted to see her aunt happy.

"Traitor," she whispered playfully under her breath. "Okay, fine. Come on."

From across the cafeteria, unbeknownst to them, Meredith stood watching the scene in bewilderment and curiosity.

Cristina noticed her friend standing there, staring blankly at… something. "What's up?" she wondered, helping herself to half of Meredith's turkey and Swiss sandwich.

"I think Elle is trying to play Cupid."

"What do you mean?"

"You know Matt Carson, right?"

"The guy that's so in love with your sister that he can barely talk?" Cristina questioned, almost laughingly. When Meredith nodded, she confirmed, "Yeah, I know him."

"He just left with Elle and Lexie," she reported. "I wonder what that was all about, but I know my sister won't say a word."

"Uh, Mer? Hello? Lexie might not tell you, but Elle definitely will," Cristina pointed out.

Meredith grinned impishly. "I love the way your mind works, Yang."

…

"You nervous?" Mark wondered as they arrived at Seattle Grace for Addison's appointment with her oncologist. She was getting back more test results today, and Mark could tell that this meeting had been on her mind for days.

"No," she answered quickly, only to receive a skeptical look in reply. "Okay, yes. I'm just ready to be done with all this; I want my life back. I want to be able to be a mother to my daughter again. For the first six years of her life, I raised her almost entirely by myself, and now it takes everything I have to get in the car and drive ten minutes to pick her up from ballet. I don't like having to depend so much on other people."

"You never have, Addie."

She sighed. Her childhood hadn't been at all like the one she hoped she was giving her daughter. Her mother left when she was three-years-old, and her father was distant and cold. Derek's family had been her first true experience of what a family was supposed to be like, but after so many years of depending only on herself, it was still a difficult habit to break. "One of the first lessons I learned in my life is that you can't expect everyone to do everything for you. If you want something done, the only way you can guarantee it is if you do it yourself."

"It's okay to ask for help sometimes. You don't have to do it all alone. Some people actually _want _to help," he assured her with a warm smile.

"I know," she nodded. "And I'm very thankful. But you do have to admit that I'm getting better at the whole 'trying to do everything on my own' thing."

"Yes, you are. I'm very proud," he teased, and she punched his arm playfully. However, the laughter was only momentary, and her worried expression returned too soon. " It'll be okay, Addie. You're going to get through this, and we're going to start a new chapter in all of our lives."

She forced a smile, hoping desperately that he was right. "Moment of truth," she said as they arrived at Dr. Green's office. After a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped inside.

"Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Sloan. Please, have a seat," he offered after shaking their hands in welcome.

His tone, however, caught Addison's attention; she knew that tone because she had used it more than once in her medical career. And the way he hesitated… it wasn't the way you acted when you had good news to share.

"Addison, I'm so sorry," he finally brought himself to say.

However, Addison couldn't help but start to sob into Mark's shoulder while he did his best to console her despite his own growing fear.

"There is a new experimental treatment, and I'm almost confident that we can get you into the study if you'd like to go that route," Dr. Green offered, but his voice sounded faraway and dreamlike.

Instead, Addison's thoughts drifted to Elena. Her little girl very well might have to grow up without her after all. It was a cruel reality, but it _was_ their new reality.

…

"Hey, Mommy! How'd your appointment go?" Elena asked cheerfully as Addison and Mark found her with Derek standing in front of the OR board.

Addison cupped her hand to Elena's cheek and managed to smile. The little girl was, no doubt, asking Derek a million questions about the board upon which her very own name would someday be. "Oh, you know how it is. Just long and boring," Addison answered nonchalantly.

Derek and Mark smiled and shook hands, exchanging a greeting as though the past years of conflict hadn't ever existed. In fact, Derek even went so far as to start telling Mark about the land he had bought when he first moved to Seattle.

"It's amazing, man. And the fishing? It's great," Derek told him while Mark listened intently.

"So, are you planning to do anything with it?" he wondered, but Derek shrugged.

"Nothing as of now; if one of the kids decides to stick around Seattle, I'll give it to one of them. Hayden loves to go fishing there, so he and I get out there and spend the day every so often. You should come with us next time," he offered, and Mark graciously accepted.

Meanwhile, Addison watched them and couldn't help but think about the old days when they were all such good friends. Maybe things could be like that again someday; maybe she would be around for it. "Sweetie, I need to talk to your dad alone for a minute, so why don't you and Mark go on ahead, and I'll catch up?" she suggested to Elena once Derek and Mark had finished their conversation.

"Is everything all right, Mommy?"

"You don't need to worry about a thing, Sweetheart," she said, surprising herself at how cheery she sounded.

"Okay," she nodded and turned to hug Derek tightly. "Bye, Daddy. I love you." With that, she and Mark started for the elevator.

"So, what's this big secret that you have to tell me? Did he propose? Well, let's see the ring," Derek wondered laughingly. However, Addison shook her head and a somber look overcame her face. "Addison, what's wrong?" he asked, a part of him not really wanting to know for fear that it would be what they had all dreaded to hear.

"Derek, it's… it's back. The cancer is back."

At her news, he suddenly felt numb and walked over to the stairs, forced to sit down for fear that his legs would give out. As she sat down beside him, they remained for a moment in complete silence. "Addison, I…" he started, soon realizing that there was nothing to say that could possibly make any of this better or easier.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything," she assured him. "I just thought you should know."

"When are you going to tell Elle? I can be there if you need me to be," he offered, although seeing his daughter's heart break once more would be almost unbearable.

"I don't want to tell her until after the twins' party next week. She deserves at least one more happy, fun memory before she has to know," she answered, the shock of the news still very apparent in her voice."

"Is there something I can do?"

She stood to leave and whispered, "Take good care of my baby for me."

…

_Someone recently sent me a message asking about the correct pronunciation of Aida. I personally pronounce it Aid-ah, not Ay-ee-dah. Of course, you can pronounce it whichever way you'd like, but I just wanted to clarify._


	29. Chapter 29: My Wish

**_Chapter Twenty-Nine: My Wish_**

_I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,  
And each road leads you where you want to go,  
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,  
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you  
And if one door opens to another door closed,  
I hope you keep on walking 'til you find the window  
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile  
But more than anything, more than anything,  
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to_

Rascal Flatts

…

"Make a wish and blow out the candles," Hannah urged Lydia and Sophie after a rendition of "Happy Birthday" sung by twenty preschoolers. The eighteen-year-old and her fiancé, Scott, had flown in from Chicago, and the girls fell in love with their big sister immediately. She, of course, had adored them as well.

"I wish for a pony," Sophie said loudly.

Lydia, however, looked at her and stated, "You can't tell it!"

"Fine," she huffed, closed her eyes for a moment, then blew out her candles. "Now I didn't tell it."

"Okay, why don't we cut the cake?" Izzie suggested, and the all the children eagerly agreed, gathering closely near the table.

"I'll help," Scott offered, leaving Hannah and Alex to themselves for the moment.

"Alex, the girls are _so_ adorable. Thanks again for letting us stay here," Hannah smiled, so grateful to be welcomed into this part of her family.

"We're glad to have you, Hannah. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm really enjoying all the free time Izzie and I have had with you offering to baby-sit the girls."

"I love spending time with them so much," she assured him. "And by the time the next baby is born, Scott and I will be living here full-time. We'll be glad to baby-sit anytime."

"Did I mention how glad we are to have you?" he joked, and Hannah laughed.

Izzie and Alex were such wonderful people, and she was so thankful that fate had let her find them. "So, have you decided on names yet?"

"Izzie really likes Riley Paige for a girl, so we'll go with that… well, if it's a girl," he revealed. He and Izzie had actually been talking about names since the day he told her, and they had finally decided on that one. "I have no idea what we're gonna name the kid if he's a boy. But some testosterone around the house would be nice."

"You're hoping for a boy, then?"

But Alex shrugged. "Doesn't matter really. A boy would be nice, but I've never loved anybody like I love those little girls. Either way, it's a win-win situation."

Hannah smiled at him; in a way, he reminded her of her own father. "I've always liked the name Joshua. You could always use your name as a middle name," she suggested.

"Joshua Alexander," he repeated. "You know, I think that's perfect."

Meanwhile Meredith, who had offered to help supervise the party, was sitting down while she refereed a game of tag. "Hey, Elle. Is anything the matter?" she wondered as the little girl approached.

"Nope," she answered, taking a seat on Meredith's lap.

"Okay. How's the cake?"

"Really good. I got a piece of each. You want some? I can't eat it all," she offered.

"Maybe I'll try some of the chocolate," she decided. After all, she never had been able to resist anything that Izzie baked.

"Good?" the little girl wondered as Meredith took a bite.

"Oh, _so_ good," she answered, her tone causing Elena to giggle.

With a quiet, content sigh, Elena leaned back and rested the back of her head on Meredith's shoulder as they both watched the younger children playing happily in the living room. So many thoughts were running through Meredith's mind just then, and none of them were pleasant. Meredith knew about Addison's cancer, and soon, Elena would know as well.

The thought of Elena in anymore pain broke Meredith's heart; she knew how devastating it would be for her to lose her mother. However, in an act that touched her heart and broke it at the same time, Addison had asked her to adopt Elena should anything happen to her. Meredith, of course, had agreed although she knew that even she could never replace Addison in Elena's life. But for the moment, the little girl was safe in Meredith's arms, completely unaware that her life was, once again, about to be upturned.

…

"Mommy, I'm back!" Elena called out from halfway up the stairs, each hurried footstep audible as she ran all the way to her mother's bedroom. She then kicked off her shoes before climbing up into the bed, finally crawling under the covers and cuddling next to her mother. "It's _freezing_ outside."

"Come here, my little Ellesickle," Addison joked, wrapping her arms around Elena and holding her close. "You _are_ freezing, Sweetie. Didn't you have a coat? And where is Mark?"

"I did. It's downstairs," she assured her mother. "It was just _really_ cold. And Mark is in the living room watching _The Philadelphia Story_. You know, I think he might like those movies just as much as you do, Mommy. But don't tell him I said that."

"Okay," she laughed; Elena's happiness was contagious. "So, tell me all about the party. Did you have a good time?"

She nodded enthusiastically and began to give her mother every detail of her day. "Well, Lydia wanted to have a princess party—you know, pink and sparkly and all that. And Sophie wanted a Superman party because she said he's her boyfriend."

"How'd they manage to pull that off?"

"They each had their own cake, and the decorations were sort of… mixed. It was kind of funny. Izzie did a really great job with the cakes, though. She baked and decorated them herself, and they looked awesome. I brought you and Mark each some because it was _so_ good," she said, happily chatting away. She had no idea that in only a few moments, she would be once again hit with a devastating blow.

"It sounds like a really great party, Sweetie," she smiled, running her hair through her daughter's soft dark curls as the little girl's head rested securely on her shoulder.

"Oh, and I met Izzie's other daughter, Hannah, and her fiancé, Scott. They're really nice." After a tiny pause, Elena added, "There was also a boy from my class there—Caleb. His little brother is in Lydia and Sophie's class at preschool."

Addison had a feeling that she knew where the conversation was headed. "You've never mentioned Caleb before," she remarked.

"Well… William told me that he heard from Jenna that Caleb told Cooper that he likes me," she said, then added, "I think my life just got more complicated. But I'm _way_ too young for a boyfriend, and Daddy and Mark would probably freak out."

It took everything in her not to break down into tears. She didn't want to miss all the crushes and boyfriends and dances and everything else that Elena was going to run home and tell her all about. She wanted to be there to give advice and wipe away the tears of a broken heart. To be there when Elena finally found the love of her life. To be there for every precious moment in her little girl's life.

However, she decided to instead focus on the things she _had_ gotten: her daughter's first steps and first word, her first smile and first "I love you." She had watched a tiny, fragile newborn grow into a beautiful, brilliant little girl. And even if she didn't get to see that little girl grow into a woman, she knew that there would be more than enough people to help her along her way. For six years, at least, she had been given the most precious gift anyone could ever hope to receive.

"Mommy, you're kinda staring off into space. Are you okay?" the little girl asked, looking up at Addison.

She took a deep breath and sat upright, moving so that she and Elena were face to face. "Baby, there's something very important that we need to talk about."

Her tone worried Elena, and the little girl grabbed her mother's hand, only to notice the ring that was now upon her finger. "He proposed!" she exclaimed, already beginning to gush about how excited she was for both of them. "I'm so glad you said yes."

It was so hard to break her daughter's heart when she was so happy. However, when she looked up and saw Mark standing in the doorway, it gave her the strength that she needed to get through this revelation. He was right; she wasn't alone in this at all. "Yes, Mark proposed, and I said yes. But… there's something else."

"What is it, Mommy?"

"Sweetie… my cancer is back," she forced herself to confess.

"What?" Elena just stared blankly back at her mother, as though she couldn't quite decide if she had heard correctly, although the fear in her expression showed that she was almost certain that she had.

"I'm so sorry, Elle," she apologized, feeling as though it was her fault that her child was going to have to go through all of this. As a mother, all she wanted was Elena's happiness and safety, but with her single remark, she had taken away both.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head in horror and disbelief, the tears starting to well up in her beautiful green eyes. "No, Mommy, it can't. Please, no, it can't be back."

Addison took Elena's face into her hands and looked her in the eye. "I want you to listen to me, Elena Amélie. Are you listening?" When Elena nodded, albeit tearfully, Addison continued. "I love you more than I ever thought I could love another person. When Leni gave you to me, I swore to her I would give you the life she dreamt of for you. And I will do everything that I can—I will fight until I don't have an ounce of strength left—to stay here with you. But… there's a chance that I may not be around as long as we'd like. I want you to understand that."

"You can't die, Mommy. I don't know what I'll do if you die. Leni is already gone, and I don't know what I'll do if I lose you, too."

"You'll be sad," she whispered, surprised that she could manage to find the words. "You'll cry and mourn for a while. But one day, you'll take a deep breath, and look at the world and realize that even though you're hurting, you _can_ go on. You'll find strength and support in all the people who love you. With every day that passes, you'll find it a little bit easier to get through; one day, you'll even find yourself smiling. You'll chase every dream you've ever had for yourself and see them come true.

"But there are too many memories that we won't get to have together, Mommy," she pointed out tearfully. "We need more time."

"There's never enough time, Sweetheart, but that isn't our choice to make. All we can do is cherish the time we _do_ have. In a way, you and I are lucky; some people go their whole lives without having what we've had."

"'Sometimes, you're supposed to fight, and sometimes, you're supposed to let go. Being strong means knowing the difference.' That's what Leni said, right? I want to be strong, Mommy, but I don't know which choice is right. I just know that I don't wanna let go."

"You don't have to tonight," she whispered while Elena clung to her tightly, sobbing gently onto her shoulder.

Addison knew that in her life, she had made her share of mistakes; however, Elena made up for all of them. Despite everything else, Elena was something that she had done right.

And even if she had been given the chance to do things over, knowing what she knew now, she still wouldn't have changed a thing.

…

_One chapter to go, and there's a wedding… but whose? And, of course, what will happen with Addison? Hmm…_


	30. Chapter 30: When I Look to the Sky

**_Chapter Thirty: When I Look to the Sky_**

_When it rains, it pours and opens doors  
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry  
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love  
That have to say goodbye  
And as I float along this ocean  
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go  
'Cause when I look to the sky, something tells me you're here with me  
And you make everything all right  
And when I feel like I'm lost, something tells me you're here with me  
And I can always find my way when you are here_

Train

…

"Daddy, are you okay?"

Elena's voice brought Derek back to reality. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just… thinking."

"Don't tell me you're going to get all sentimental on me," she said playfully, her green eyes glittering. "You promised you wouldn't get all mushy until afterward… because if you do right now, I'll start crying and my mascara will be ruined. I mean, you saw me at Hayden's wedding; the tears were pouring even before Corrine made it down the aisle."

However, Derek could hardly believe that his little girl—the child whom he had rocked to sleep and taught to read and tucked into bed at night—was now a twenty-four-year-old woman who would, in a few minutes, be promising to spend the rest of her life in love and commitment to the man she would call her husband. He had spent days preparing himself to give his little girl away, to entrust her care to another man, but now that the time had come, he wondered where the years had gone.

"What?" she questioned, but she knew that look. It was the "you're growing up too fast, but I'm so proud of you" look. The look he gave her when she brought her fiancé, Brennan Parker, home last Christmas and announced that they were engaged; the look he gave her at her graduation from medical school; the look he gave her when she received the coveted spot as a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital.

"You told me not to get sentimental."

"Well… I guess a little bit is okay," she grinned, and for a moment, it was like nothing had changed.

"I was just thinking about that time you and I decided to drive out to the coast for the day. You were what, nine?"

She nodded and smiled. "I'd forgotten about that. We had a picnic by that old lighthouse and then stayed on the beach all day until we finally watched the sunset," she recalled. "What made you think of that, Daddy?"

"You had on that white sundress that you loved so much. Looking at you now just reminded me of that."

Without a word, because she knew that if she tried to say anything she would tear up, she took his hand into both of hers. Even she couldn't help but notice how quickly the time had flown by. Sometimes it scared her a little bit to think about all the responsibility that would soon be hers—as a wife and a doctor, and maybe someday even as a mother. But she knew that through it all, she would always have a hand to hold.

"Hey, we're about to get started," Hayden, now almost twenty-two, announced as he joined his sister and father. However, upon seeing Elena standing there glassy-eyed and holding onto Derek's hand, he shook his head. "Aw, Dad, you said you wouldn't make her cry."

"It's okay, Hayden," she laughed. Her little brother had always been so protective of her, but she was glad to know that he was looking out for her.

"Dad, can I have a minute with Elle?" he requested, and Derek nodded and left the two of them to a moment of privacy.

"I can't believe I've finally gotten you by yourself," he laughed as he and Elena sat down. "You've had an entourage for, like, the past week."

"I told them that there was no way we'd make it to the ceremony without someone bursting into tears, followed by everyone else bursting into tears. When in the world did I become so sappy?"

"Seriously? Um, you've _always_ been that way, Elle," he said teasingly, then added, "But you wouldn't be you otherwise."

Suddenly, Aida burst into the room and demanded bluntly, "What's taking you guys so long? C'mon, let's get this started. I'm freaking starving, and I'm totally pissed that you let Mom convince you to pick these dresses. I mean, seriously!"

Aida, who from appearances seemed delicate and docile, was quite a surprise when she actually opened her mouth. While Elena and Hayden hadn't given their parents so much as a sleepless night from worry, Aida certainly made up for that. The young woman, who would turn eighteen in a few months and would soon be a high school senior, definitely kept things interesting for the Shepherds and everyone else she came across.

Both of Elena's siblings noticed the look she was giving them, but it was Aida, of course, who demanded, "What?"

"I'm getting married today. It seems like just yesterday that we were sitting in the living room in our pajamas, watching old movies and eating ice cream right out of the carton."

"Elle, that _was_ yesterday," Hayden stated with a smile, then extended his arm to his elder sister. "I know a guy who claims he wants to marry you."

"Apparently he has no idea what he's getting himself into with this family," Aida quipped, actually allowing herself a smile. But secretly, she was very happy for her sister. Most of the time she put on an "I hate everyone" façade, but Elena always seemed to know better. And now her big sister was finally home again, with them where she belonged.

…

"A toast to Mr. and Mrs. Brennan Parker," William Bailey-Jones toasted, raising his glass for his friend and her new husband. He had never seen her quite as happy as she was when she was with Brennan, and he and William had also gotten along right away. As a matter of fact, Brennan seemed to fit into their huge, chaotic, dysfunctional family just fine. After all, in the course of a single week, he'd managed to learn everyone's name, and _that_ was definitely saying something.

"Hey, Brennan, come dance with me. If that's okay with you, Elle," Sophia asked shyly, while Lydia and their little brother Josh waited for them to come.

"Yeah, of course," she permitted happily. "My feet are killing me anyway. I knew I shouldn't have worn these shoes."

"Just take 'em off," Brennan whispered jokingly as he leaned into Elena and kissed her lips softly before following the Karev trio out onto the dance area.

Elena found herself sitting alone, splitting her attention between the glittering rain falling all around them—thank goodness Meredith had insisted on holding the reception under the pavilion—and smiling as she watched her friends and family having a wonderful time. Most people took for granted how fortunate they were to have the lives that they did and the people who loved them, but Elena knew just how lucky she was. She had learned not to take a moment for granted, even the little ones. Every instant with someone you loved was precious.

"Hey, Peanut. How come you aren't out there dancing?" her stepfather wondered, kissing her atop her dark curls before sitting down in the chair beside her.

For the past eighteen years, he had watched Elena grow up. Not only was he proud of the woman that she'd become, but he was also proud of the man that he had become because of her. He never thought he'd be the guy to listen to a twelve-year-old gush about her first real kiss or the one who genuinely sat through a three-hour long ballet recital. She had changed him when he thought that he was just a lost cause.

"I'm watching… and thinking. Did you know that it's good luck to have rain on your wedding day?"

"Is it?"

She nodded and explained, "It supposedly means that Bren and I are going to have lots of kids and that our marriage will be successful because we'll be able to overcome problems."

"Good thing you got married in Seattle," he teased. Then he stood, extending his hand, and requested, "May I have this dance, Mrs. Parker?"

Elena laughed and took off her shoes. "I guess they can't hurt if I'm not wearing them, right?" she reasoned and followed her stepfather out onto the dance floor.

Brennan burst into laugher when he saw that Elena had, indeed, taken his advice and abandoned her uncomfortable shoes and was dancing around barefoot. Although he loved everything about her, it was perhaps her lighthearted, carefree spirit that most drew him to her; she balanced him out, and she was exactly what he needed in his life.

He remembered the first time he saw her, sitting in their Medical Ethics class their first week of medical school, already surrounded by people who were drawn to her magnetic personality. Finally, about a month later, he saw her alone in the library and worked up the courage to speak to her. They were friends for two years before he confessed that he was in love with her; to his delight, she returned the sentiment. And now, at long last, here they were—both ready to begin their new lives in Seattle. Somehow fate—or more likely Elena's Uncle Preston—had seen to it that both received positions at Seattle Grace. In only a month, they would have to adjust to being surgeons as well as newlyweds, but Brennan was sure that they could make it through anything life threw their way.

"Mind if I cut in?"

Elena laughed and hugged her mother tightly as she walked up to them. Even at twenty-four, Elena still found comfort in the presence of her mother. It had been a long, hard battle with another recurrence about ten years ago. However, Addison kept her promise and fought with everything she had. Of course, Elena had always been worth fighting for.

"I guess I'll give you two a moment alone," Mark said and kissed his wife's cheek. "I'm gonna go get another piece of cake. You want any?"

"No, but get me more champagne. It's my little girl's wedding, and I intend to celebrate," Addison instructed, and Mark laughed but went to do as he had been asked.

"I was wondering where you were," Elena remarked.

"I went out to the car to get your gift."

"Mom, seriously," Elena began to protest. "You and Daddy and Mark and Meredith paid for the wedding; that's more than enough."

But Addison handed her daughter a small square package and said, "I have a feeling you'll want this gift."

She opened it to discover a framed photograph of her mother and Leni, holding a tiny infant who she recognized to be herself. Leni was smiling in complete adoration of the little girl in her arms while Addison close by, watching over them both.

With tears welling up in her eyes and a lump in her throat, Elena found it difficult to speak. "Mom… where did you get this? I've never seen it before," she managed.

"I got it in the mail about three weeks ago. There was no return address, and I don't even remember having it taken. It was postmarked Seattle, but that's all I know. Oh, but there was a note inside."

"What did it say?"

"'Please give this to Elle,'" she said, quoting the quickly written note exactly. "It wasn't signed."

Hugging her mother once again, she whispered, "Thank you, Mommy."

"I'm just playing the messenger," she shrugged, glad to be able to give her daughter such a gift.

But Elena shook her head. "I mean for everything. I love you."

"I love you, too, Sweetheart. More than you'll ever know," she replied, cupping Elena's beautiful face in her hands. However, noticing that Brennan was alone, she said suddenly, "All right, I think we've stolen you away from your husband for long enough."

Addison found herself smiling from ear to ear as she watched Elena hurry over to her husband. As a mother, Addison had always hoped that her little girl would find the love of her life and follow all her dreams. The fact that she was actually there to see it was just another added blessing.

"What are you doing?" Brennan questioned, laughing as Elena took him by the hand.

"I want to dance with you," she answered, pulling him out into the rain. She giggled as she kissed his lips, the rain pouring down all around them, and at that moment, neither had a care in the world.

…

_Maybe the thing that captivates us the most about the rain is that we have absolutely no control over it. For all our capacity to understand it, we can't do a thing to make it subside. But the great thing about the rain is that eventually, it does stop. No matter how fierce the storm, in the end there's always a calm, and whatever is strong enough to withstand it is washed clean. Most of the time, people choose to stay inside where it's safe and dry until the storm is over. But on the other hand, if you're feeling brave, there's nothing like dancing in the rain._

…

**The End**

…

Yeah, I know I kinda skipped ahead like twenty years (eighteen, actually), but is anyone interested in grown-up Elle following in her parents' footsteps and taking on Seattle Grace for herself? I think I might be able to come up with a storyline if you guys are interested. Let me know:D

And, of course, thanks so much for reading/reviewing!


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